


Jay Being Jay

by NessieVi



Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Gen, Hospitals, Jay Halstead Whump, Protective Will Halstead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:01:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 88,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessieVi/pseuds/NessieVi
Summary: This is a set of stories all about how... Jay is an accident waiting to happen or in other words very prone to injury. For all the Halstead lovers out there. I hope you enjoy!Also posted on FanFiction.net under the same title :)PS: Just a warning - if you're grosed out by medial things, this might not be the story for you
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	1. Let me guess, you're fine?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The kind Chi-hards who believe in me :)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+kind+Chi-hards+who+believe+in+me+%3A%29).



> Hello fellow Chi-hards :)
> 
> This is the first story I've posted on here, so I'm not entirely sure how this works. This story was originally posted on FanFiction, but I've been asked to post it here too, because some readers prefer this platform... so here we are. You asked and I listened XD
> 
> I started writing this story more than three years ago, and (thankfully) my writing has improved quite a bit since then. My point is, that the first few chapters are waaay worse than the newer ones (and are quite frankly embarassing for me to read). I was debating on whether I should just skip the awkward phase and only post the newer chapters, but I decided against it. Those chapters are a part of me and a part of who I am as a writer today. So I apologise in advance, if you think they suck XD Please, bear with me. I promise, the good chaptery are coming.
> 
> I think I've done enough talking for now. Thank you for clicking on this story and giving me a chance. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Love, N

Before anyone could react, the offender's fist connected with Jay's stomach. To everyone's surprise Jay doubled over and fell to his kenees clutching his right side, which ment somwthing was terribly wrong. Antonio and Ruzek quickly stepped in and grabbed the offender, guiding him towards the car to cuff him.

"Jay?" Erin said dropping on her knees in front of her partner. His eyes were screwed shut and his somewhat pale face was wrinkled. "Jay, what's wrong?"

"Are you good, bro?" Atwater jooned the pair.

When neither of them recieved an answer, the team exchanged worried looks. They were now all gathered around Jay, wondering whether or not he needed medical attention, while trying to figure out what happened to him in the first place.

"Jay, talk to me" Erin tried once again, but received no response.

"Halstead-" Voight decided to give it a go, but immediately got interrupted by the detective.

"Yeah" Jay said while standing up, using the wall to prop himself up "yeah, I'm good."

"Funny you say that as you almost just passed out here" Voight responded. Antonio and Ruzek each grabbed one of Jay's biceps to help hold him up, but to noone's surprise, he shook them off sounding pissed.

"I said I was fine!"

And with that the conversation ended.

**CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD**

Later that day everyone was back at the precinct doing some research on the current case.

Antonio walked up to Erin's desk and leaned closer. "Hey, what's up with Jay? He looks like hell." Erin worriedly glanced over at her partner who was sitting in his chair. He looked flushed, which most likely wasn't a very good sign, therefore Erin quickly jogged over to him.

"Are you okay?"

After a few silent seconds, Jay finally looked up at her in confusion.

"Jay?"

"Uh-um, I'm fine" he rasped. There was the sentence Erin loved hearing. A total lie, but nevertheless a response. Based on the fact that Jay was shivering and sweat was very much visible on his face, she decided not to believe him. Knowing that arguing probably wouldn't help him either, she decided to play good cop.

"Okay. Do you want some tea or something?"

Sadly his head shook and Erin was left with no other choice, but to keep an eye on her partner from distance.

**CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD**

"I got an address!" Ruzek yelled loud enough for everyone to hear. It was a day after Erin's first and last attempt to figure out what was going on with her partner. He slowly jumped up from his seat and if it weren't for his hands which happened to lean on the desk, he would have face planted. Luckily, Erin wasn't the only one who noticed.

Voight walked over to the pale detective with a serious look on his face. "You are staying put" he ordered, pointing a finger at Jay's face.

"But-"

"But nothing! Don't think I'm stupid. I know when one of my detectives isn't doing so hot, therefore you are _not_ going anywhere. Understood?"

Jay glanced at Erin who was now standing beside their boss, but according to the look on her face, she agreed with Voight. Jay slammed his hands against the table and sunk back into the chair, earning a pleased nod from both Erin and Voight.

"Erin, you're with Al" Voight added, before everyone rushed down the stairs, leaving Jay behind.

**CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD**

"Do you think he will ever stop being so damn stubborn?"

"Who? Jay?" Al responded to Erin's question. "No. The kid's in this job with his whole heart." When Erin didn't say anything, he added "Can you blame him?"

"No, I guess not" Erin laughed, before getting lost somewhere in her thoughts.

The rest of the ride was silent.

**CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD**

"Man Jay's gonna be pissed he wasn't there to see this" Ruzek announced as soon as everyone got out of their cars. They were finally back at the precinct after hours of trying to arrest the offenders, who very stupidly decided to run when CPD showed up at their door.

Al awarded his idiot coworker with an angry stare, so he shut up before adding anything even more inventive. Antonio grinned silently and they all jogged up the stairs.

To everyone's surprise, the bullpen was empty. No sign of either Jay or his jacket.

"Jay? We're back" Erin yelled through the empty room, hoping to get a response. When nothing happened, she shared a worried glance with Antonio. "Jay?"

"Maybe he went home" Atwater pointed out "His jacket's gone." That didn't sound like Jay at all, but maybe he was right. The boys settled themselves in their comfortable chairs, while Erin announced she was gonna get some coffee, but instead of a pleasant cup of caffeine, she was in for a surprise.

As soon as she entered the room, her heart sank. Jay was sprawled across the floor, pale and unmoving. "Jay!" she gasped, dropping to her knees. A second later Antonio appeared at the door.

"What's wro-" he was cut off by Erin screaming her partner's name again. "Oh my god" he said beforw kneeling on the other side of Jay.

Erin cupped the pale face with her hands, trying to wake him up. "Jay?! Jay, can you her me? Jay!" She stroked his hair away from his forhead before looking at Antonio. "He's burning up."

By now, the whole team was gathered around the unconscious detective.

Antonio rubbed his knuckles against Jay's chest, trying to get a reaction from him. Suddenly his face went white. "He's breathing way to fast." Everyone turned their attention to the detecrive's chest which seemed to be rising and falling almost every two seconds. Antonio pressed two fingers to his neck only to find that his heart was abput to explode. "Call an ambulance."

Ruzek sprinted into action, pulling his phone out and diling 911.

"Halstead! Jay!" Antonio yelled rubbing Jay's chest again.

"Jay, babe, wake up!" Erin pleaded. "What's wrong with him?"

"They'll be here in 10 minutes tops" Ruzek announced refering to the ambulance. In that very same moment Jay started convulsing.

"Oh my god, Jay!" Erin was screaming, tears running down her cheeks.

"Call Will!" Voight urges "I'm not sure he has ten minutes" he adds as an afterthought, making everyone feel even worse in the process - if that's even possible at this point.

 _"Hey, Adam. What's up?"_ Will's voice is heard through the phone, completely calm and not aware of the nightmare he's about to fall into.

"It's Jay" Ruzek begins, knowing he is about to break some horrible news to the doctor.

One of Antonio's hands is under Jay's head to prevent him from slamming in against the floor. He knows not to touch a seizing person, so he just sits back and waits. Suddenly Jay's mouth is filled with vomit. Al quickly notices and pushes a sobbing and rather useless Erin out of the way.

"He's choking on it" he announces "we have to turn him on his side."

Antonio quickly helps Al turn their unconscious friend, who finally stops seizing. His body goes limp once again, eyes rolling back into his head.

"He's out" Ruzek finishes his explanation to Jay's panicked brother on the other side of the line.

 _"Just make sure he keeps breathing"_ is all Will responds.

The previous way-too-fast-breathing is replaced with irregular wheezing gasps that only occur every ten to fifteen seconds.

"It's okay, Jay. You're okay. Just breathe." Erin is whispering into her partner's ear, while stroking his hair, receiving no response whatsoever.

After a couple of minutes that seem to last forever a sirene is heard.

"Finally" Ruzek exhales and runs downstairs to meet them.

**CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD**

"Thirty year-old male, found unconscious. He suffered a 3 minute seizure. GCS is 3, BP 80 over 50, not responding to fluid replacement, fever of 103 degrees. " one of the EMTs announces as soon as the gurney is rushed through the door.

"Jay?! Can you hear me? Jay!" the patient's panicked brother completely ignores the EMT.

"Diminished breath sounds, we had to intubate" the EMT finishes his deadly monologue, refering to the invasive tube shoved down Jay's throat.

"Okay, get him into trauma 3" Rhodes orders pushing his coworker away "Will. I got him."

"Has he woken up at all?" Will asks a pale looking Antonio, with more than obvious desperation in his voice.

"No, he was out when we found him" he answers, deciding not to add the ugly details.

Will lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding "What happened to him?"

"We're not sure" Antonio dazes off before he adds "He was hit in his stomach yesterday and seemed kinda out of it since."

"Dawson!" Erin yells from behind the detective, the whole team on her heels. "Is he okay? Is he alive?"

"Yes. Yes, he's alive" he tries his best to comfort her.

"Go to the waiting room, I'll see what I can find out" Will says before leaving.

**CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD**

For hours later the team is still waiting in the uncomfortable platic chairs. Will had told them Jay was being taken into surgery. And that was three very long hours ago. It was everything they knew. Not another word.

Al and Voight were leaning against a wall, Ruzek pacing back and forth nervously, Atwater following him with his eyes to keep himself occupied and to make sure Adam didn't fall apart. As for Antonio and Erin, they have collapsed into chairs and stayed there unmoving. Will had gone to observe the surgery through the window, just to make sure his brother in fact wasn't dead.

After another hour, he finally reappeared. Everyone jumped to their feet, waiting to hear what he had to say.

"Is he-" Ruzek started, but couldn't finish.

"He made it through surgery and is being settled in the ICU as we speak. The punch to the stomach that you mentioned actually appears to have caused appendicitis. Left untreated, thanks to my brother's stubbornness, it resulted in sepsis. The fever, unconsciousness and seizure are all associated with that. The surgery was to remove his appendix and I'm glad to say it was a success-"

"So he's gonna be okay?" Erin interrupted him.

"Well, the severe septic shock also caused him to go into respiratory arrest" Will paused to regain himself "He hasn't regained consciousness and he still isn't breathing on his own. We'll keep him on a ventilator until his condition improves."

"But it will, right?" Adam asked.

"Improve? Yes, I believe so. The problems should resolve themselves when he wakes up."

"So now we wait" Antonio concluded.

"Now we wait."

**CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD CPD**

It has been three days since Jay was brought in. He was still unresponsive and hooked to a machine doing the breathing for him.

The team was gathered in the hospital room once again, just like every previous afternoon. Erin and Will were each sitting on one of Jay's sides, holding his hands.

"Man, when he wakes up, I'm going to either wrap him in bubble wrap or kill him myself" Antonio joked to lighten the mood.

"Be my guest" Will responded, a smirk on his face.

With that Al decided to join in on the conversation "The kid's stubborn, what can you do?"

Suddenly, after what seemed like forever Erin felt a twich in her hand. Her head shot up to observe Jay's face "Jay?"

At that, Will squeezed his brother's hand and to his surprise it squeezed back.

"Jay, can you hear me?" he said and stood up to lean over his brother, though he never let go of the hand he was holding. Instead he used his other hand to rub Jay's chest. "Jay. Can you open your eyes for me, Jay?" When he got no response, he examined the beeping monitors around the bed. "Jay? You with us?"

Finally his eyelids fluttered. "That's it. Come on, sleepy head, look at me." A second later his eyes opened lazily, revealing a set of baby blue eyes. "Hey, bro. It's good to see ya" Will smiled.

Jay's exhusted eyes were travelling around the room in panic. Suddenly he was gagging on the tube and alarms started going off one after another, startling him even more.

"It's okay, it's okay. Relax." Will tried to comfort him. "There's a tube in your throat helping you breathe. I know it's annoying, but it needs to stay in a little longer. Try not to fight it, okay?" But the detective didn't listen. He started trashing around, trying to pull at the tube with his hands.

"No, Jay. Don't do that." Will intervened before he could do any harm. "Let me get it out for you." He reached for a syringe to empty the balloon at the other end of the tube. "Maybe you don't need it anymore" he added as an afterthought.

Antonio and Al effectively pinned the detective down while Will took the endotracheal tube out of Jay's throat. After a few minutes of gagging, coughing and wheezing Jay was finally able to relax. An oxygen mask was put over his nose and mouth to help him breathe better. Jay's eyes were now travelling from one team member to another.

"It's good to have you back" Antonio said once they reached him.

Jay's hand went to his face and pulled the mask away. "What's with the bubble wrap?" he rasped, voice still hoarse from the tube.

Everyone lughed and Will gently replaced the mask on his brother's face.

_The end._


	2. I Can Fly - part 1

**Will's P.O.V**

It might just be me, but I think we have a problem.

"Jay? Jay, can you hear me? JAY!" I try shouting for my brother, hoping to get an answer. To no one's surprise, it doesn't work.

Yup, definitely a problem.

**Will's P.O.V. - 2 hours earlier**

You know how some soldiers know how to fly a helicopter? Well, Jay is one of them. You'd never think that would come in handy, but apparently it does. To a specific broken-hearted-Jay at least.

Since Erin left (again), Jay has been pretty devastated. I mean can you blame him? He was gonna ask the girl to marry him, and she left without saying goodbye. At first, he was freaking out that sonething might have happened to her. They pinged her phone and found it just outside Chicago, and that's how my brother got dumped by the love of his life. It makes _me_ wnt to punch something, so I can't imagine what it must be doing to Jay. It breaks my heart having to watch him like this.

It's been a few weeks since "she, who shall not be named from now on" left. My brother and I were finally able to get a week off work to have some bro time in Wisconsin. Our cabin has always been Jay's go-to place, so I decided to take my halfway depressed little brother there.

We've only been here for a few days, but so far, her refuses to talk to me. This morning he walked up to me and announced that he's rented a helicopter. A freaking helicopter!

So here we are hours later getting ready to take off. In a helicopter. By ourselves. No professional pilot. Awsome.

"Shall we?" Jay interrupts my silent monologue.

I guess this is better than him not talking to me at all. Or anyone else for that matter.

"I was born ready" I answer, not even believing myself. Jay chuckles and starts the helicopter.

This should be interesting.

**Will's P.O.V.**

I gotta admit, this is pretty amazing. The views are indescribable. The trees, lakes and rivers... It's truly amazing.

"So, what are your plans?" I decide to use this opportunity to interrogate my brother. He has no way of escaping at the moment so ten points for me.

"What do you mean?" he decides to play dimb.

"What are you planning on eating for dinner?" Jay shoots me a questioning look so I continue. "Your life, Jay. I mean your life." He stays quiet. "You can't mourn over this forever. I understand you, but-"

"Shut up." he finally joins the conversation. Sadly, he sounds mad. Not that I can blame him.

"Okay, so you've decided to act like a little kid and pout for the rest of your life." I have nothing to lose at this point, so I decide to hit low.

"No, Will! I haven't, actually." He's really pissed now, but hey, I got him talking. Sorta. "So don't go telling me to-"

He's cut of by what seems like terrible turbulence. The helicopter gives a horrifying sound and drops about twenty feet lower. So does my heart.

I glance over at Jay who is franatically examining the numbers on the dash. "What was that?" I ask, barely louder than a whisper.

"Somthing's wrong" he answers.

"Really? I had no idea!" I respond as sarcastically as I can while being scared.

The rumbling sound from the engine is getting louder and louder. We drop another ten feet. And then another. And another.

"Jay!" I scream at my brother, who is now clutching at the cyclic stick.

"We're going down way too fast" is all he says.

"I've noticed, thank you very much." My hands are desperately holding the fabric of the seat under me.

"Will, calm down. You're not helping."

He's right. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

**Jay's P.O.V**

This is bad. This is very, very bad. I can keep this bird up, no matter how hard I try.

I told Will to calm down, but I'm freaking oout on the inside. We're going to crash. I know it. And so does Will.

"Will?" he doesn't seem to acknowledge me talking "Will!" he finally looks at me, fear inhis eyes. "Will, stay calm. We're going to crash, so I need you to try your best to protect your head and chest, okay?"

"What?!" Damn it. He's panicking.

"It's okay, breathe. We'll be fine" I try to calm him down, but I don't even fool myself.

He positions himself to prepare for the impact then looks up at me. "What about _you_?!"

He's refering to the fact that I'm flying the helicopter and am therefore unble to even try to shield my head and chest. The only good thing about this situation is that Will has a better chance of surviving than me. Since he's a doctor, he'll be able to help both of us. I hope.

"That's why I have you." He knows what I mean.

And that's when we reach the forest underneath us. The tree branches slam against the helicopter, glass and metal breking arpund us. I hear my brother screaming, feel myself flying and before I know it, everything goes black.

_To be continued..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: This is pretty unrealistic, but hey, it's FanFition. Anything can happen.


	3. I Can Fly - part 2

**Will's P.O.V.**

Whenever you pass out, your senses have a certain order in which they leave you. The first thing to go is your sight, the last one your hearing. And vice versa when you're waking up. It's always the same.

The first thing I'm aware of is incredibly annoying buzzing inside my head. The pounding headache comes right after it. What on Earth is going on? I try to move only to be met with even more painful parts of my body. I can't see a thing. Everything is dark. I start panicking, before I realise that my eyes are still closed. Slowly, I peal them open, but close them immediately after as the headache worsens. Where am I? Okay, I need to open my eyes and look around. I take a deep breath and blink a few times to clear my sight.

Oh my God.

Wisconsin. Helicopter. Forest. Crash. It's all comincoming back to me.

Jay.

I glance around, but my brother is nowhere to be seen. His seat is empty, seatbelt exactly where it's supposed to be. Where'd he go? And that's when I remember that Jay also has a tendency to not wear a seatbelt. My heart drops. The helicopter is laying on it's side and all the windows are broken, so he could have easily been thrown out.

It might just be me, but I think we have a problem.

"Jay? Jay, can you hear me? JAY!" I try shouting for my brother, hoping to get an answer. To no one's surprise, it doesn't work.

Yup, definitely a problem.

Okay, so he's either too far away to hear me, knocked out or he's d-. I decide not to finish the thought. Neither of those great options.

I jostle with my seatbelt for afew seconds, before I manage to take it off. Quickly ooking myself over, I declare no immediate life-threatening injuries. The fact that I'm conscious tells me that the concussion isn't too bad, some of my ribs are probably bruised thanks to the seatbelt and there are some shallow cuts here and there, but that's about it. I hurry out of my seat and successfully climb out of the bird. My head is now killing me, but I have bigger things to worry about.

"JAY! Where are you?!" No response.

My heart is racing, which means I'm freaking out. I circle the helicopter, but there is no sign of my brother. I'm about to start crying when I notice something behind the bushes a bit further. A shoe. More specifically, _Jay's_ shoe. I run over as fast as I can, thanking the whole universe in the process. Thankfully, the shoe is still attached to my brother's leg. He's lying in an unnatural position, face down. I drop on my knees next to him, making my whole body hurt even more, but I don't mind. The only thing I care about right now is lying in front of me.

Please be alive, please be alive.

I put two fingers on his neck and am met with a faint and irregular heartbeat.

Thank God. I exhale in relief.

"Jay? Can you hear me?" I try calling him. No success. We have both just been in a helicopter crash, so I decide not tho shake him in case he has a spinal injury.

"Jay, wake up! Please." I basically beg. I have to turn him to check him over. Plus his breathing sounds a bit laboured. But then again, if his neck or back are broken, I could paralyze him. There must be some medical equipment in the helicopter!

"Jay, if you can hear me just hang in there. I'll be right back, okay?" I get up and sprint towards the crashed helicopter, grabbing everything that I could possibly need and run back towards my brother. Thankfully he's still alive.

"Hey, I'm back" I announce in case he can hear me. I spread the biggest blanket I could find on the floor, drop everything else on it and slide to my knees. Grabbing a cervical collar, I secure it around Jay's neck to sexure his spine and help protect his airway. All I can hope now, is that I don't paralyze him.

"Jay, I'm going to turn you over, okay?" I straighten out his legs and arms and gently turn him, so that he's laying on top of the blanket and most importantly on his back. What I see isn't the prettiest sight, but I'm sure it could be worse.

I need to check him for injuries, so my hands travel along his arms and legs, however nothing seems to be broken. Sadly, I can't say the same about his chest. His whole left side feels mushed under my fingers. Definitely broken ribs. A piece of wood is sticking out of his side, right above the hip bone. If he has internal bleeding... I press on his stomach, but to my relief it doesn't feel rigid. Maybe the wood managed to miss his organs. Now that that's out of the way, I transfer my attention to his head. Pressing my fingers towards his skull, I can tell it's cracked. That can't be good.

 _Brain damage._ The two words appear inside my brain and scare the hell out of me. I grab a pen light from the pile next to me and pull Jay's eyelids up one by one. Shining the light into his eyes I can tell the pupils are sluggish, but responsive. I'll take it.

"Jay, squeeze my hand if you can hear me." I demand squeezing his hand in mine. Nothing happens, so he's still very much knocked out.

I grab an IV and connect it to my brother's arm, hanging the bag on a tree branch above us. To my surprise, I also find an oximeter. I put it on one of Jay's fingers. It reads 90. Not too bad.

Since he's still not awake, I decide to secure the wood in place, to avoid further damage. It's not bleeding too bad, so it's probably not life-threatening. At least I hope it isn't. Pressing the gauze and tape in place, I am almost scared by a moan. I finish securing it and to my surprise, Jay squirms, trying to move away from pain.

I'm leaning over his face in less than two seconds. "Jay? Can you hear me?" He moans, his face scrunching in pain. "Jay, it's Will. Open your eyes for me, buddy." His eyes slowly blink open, not really seing anything. His breathing picks up and he looks as if he's about to panic. I pun my hand on his shoulders, successfully pinning him down. "Shh, it's okay. Slow breaths."

"Wha-" he starts to say, his voice hoarse and barely a whisper. His eyes are darting from one side to another.

"No no no, don't talk. Just breathe." I try my best to soothe him. "Look at me, Jay. It's okay, I'm here. Calm down."

His eyes finally connect with mine and he stops wiggling. His breaths become a little slower and more regular.

"Stay still, okay?" I demand and thankfully, he stills. I shine the pen light in his tired eyes again and hold up two fingers. "How many fingers?"

"I- I don -now." He slurs. "Blurry." That's not a great sign, but it's to be expected.

"Okay. Do you know where we are?"

He takes a second to look around before answering "Wisconsin?"

I nod. That's good. He's not completely out of it.

"Squeeze my hands as hard as you can." His fingers move and gently tighten around mine. "Alright, a little harder, I can take it." He squeezes a bit more and I can see it's taking all his energy, so I decide to accept what I got.

"Great. Can you feel your legs?" I ask, rubbing a hand on his thigh. He nods. Relief washes over me. "Okay, wiggle your toes." He does. Thank God.

"Stop" Jay begs, probably refering to my examination.

"I'm sorry, bro, but I have to check you over to make sure you're not dying on me." I joke.

"What happened?" he asks completely seriously.

I take a deep breath and start explaining, while checking his pulse again. The sound of my voice seems to calm him down, so I don't stop. Once I'm done explaining the crash, I list all of his injuries and assure him he's gonna be fine. (Even if I'm not sure that's true.)

"So, unless someone walks right past us, we're dead." Jay states all of a sudden. I'm not sure what to answer, so I don't say anything. He's probably right.

"You should go."

"What?" I don't understand what he means. Go where?

"Save yourself."

Oh. Now I get it.

"Jay, stop it. Ypu're not dying and I'm not leaving you. Period. I'm not going anywhere, got it?"

He closes his eyes, most likely trying to swallow his anger and ignore me. After a few minutes I realise he's drifting off.

"Hey, open your eyes. You hit your head pretty bad. I can't let you sleep." He doesn't move. His eyes stay closed. "Jay." I call him again. This time his mouth opens and he speaks.

"Tired." It's more of a slur than talking. Well, I guess it could be a while before somebody finds us and there is no point in completely exhausting Jay.

"It's okay, get some rest. I'll wake you up later." I pat my brother's shoulder reassuringly. I could use some sleep myself to be honest. The drill with concussions is to wake up every two hours, so I set an alarm on my watch. I cover Jay with a warm blanket and lay down next to my already sleeping brother.

**Will's P.O.V.**

To my surprise, I'm not woken up by the alarm, but the sound of someone wheezing and choking. At first, I'm confused, but everything is clear as soon as I open my eyes.

Jay is trashing around uncontrollably, his hands grabbing at the c-collar. He's gasping for air.

"Jay?" I ask, alarmed. "What's wrong?!"

"Can't- breathe."

_To be continued..._


	4. I Can Fly - part 3

**Will's P.O.V.**

I'm fully awake and crawling over to my brother in an instant.

"Jay. It's okay. Just calm down." I instruct him, hoping to calm him down, but it doesn't work. He keeps trashing around violently, probably hurting himself in the process.

"Jay, stop!" I try again, unsuccessfully. He's trying to pull off his c-collar, barely able to take a breath. And that's when I realise this seems all to recognizable to me. The gasping and whirling. I've seen it before. He must be having PTSD. His eyes screwed shut, but I can see they're darting from one side to another under his eyelids. He's having a nightmare.

"It's okay, Jay. It's just a dream." I tell him, grabing a hold of his hands to prevent him from touching anything. "Wake up, Jay." I pin him down. "Look at me. Jay!"

Finally, he jerks awake. His confused eyes are filled with panic. "Wh-" he tries to talk while gasping for air.

"It was a nightmare, Jay. It's not real." I notice he's not really paying attention to me. To be honest, he seems completely freaked out. This must've been a bad one. I thought he hasn't had them in years.

"It's okay. You're alright. Just breathe." I say in a calm voice. "I've got you." But he doesn't listen.

"Take- off-" he slurrs between helpless gasps, referring to the c-collar.

At this point I accept the fact that he's most likely having a panic attack, and the plastic around his neck isn't helping him. "Okay, Jay. I'm gonna take it off. Hang on." I let go of his hands and he starts trashing around uncontrollably. I quickly loosen the collar and pull ot away as carefully as I can. If his neck's injured, then I'm officially and idiot but to be fair, he couldn't breathe, so I guess there was no right choice in this situation. "Alright, it's gone. Breathe. You're okay." I say as calmly as I can. Sadly, he still isn't any closer to calming down. He turns on his side, curling into a fatal position. Okay, so he's not paralysed. That's good. I wince, knowing he is laying on his left side (aka the severely injured side), probably jostling all of his ribs.

"Jay, lay on your back. You'll hurt yourself." I warn him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't jerk away, which means he's not catatonic. Lucky me, otherwise this could've ended badly with like a punch in my face or something of that sort. "Jay." I try again. No success, but I notice he isn't trashing around anymore. He's calming down. Finally. All that's left is the wheezing sound that wasn't there before. Now _that_ is a bad sign.

I notice there is something running down his cheeks. Tears. My heart breaks for him. If he's crying, this must've been either a hell of a lot worse than I thought or he's in excruciating pain. I place a hand on his back, gently rubbing it in circles. That always used to calm him down when we were little. "You okay?" He shakes his head, but doesn't say anything. He just lays there, sobbing and wheezing helplessly. "Can you talk?" Again, there's no response. This is bad. "Whatever you saw, it wasn't real. It was just a dream, okay?" Still nothing. "Just relax."

Finally, he speaks up. Well, whispers. "Can't- breathe-" he pauses taking shallow and quick breaths. That's quite normal given that he just had a panic attack. "Hurts" he concludes. Now that seems wierd. Jay would _never_ tell me he was in pain, unless it was bad. As in 'I'm about to die' bad.

"Okay, tke some slow, deep breaths." I instruct him, placing my free hand on his chest gently. "Breathe with me." I overexaggerate with my breathing, trying to get him to copy me. It doesn't work. I glance over at the oximeter. His levels have dropped down to 75. He's barely getting any oxygen.

"Srry- can't." he slurs out an apology as if it were his fault.

"It's okay. It's not your fault." This could be something serious and not at all connected to the panic attack. Suddenly, I put two and two together. Oh no. Please let me be wrong. "Jay, I need to check something. Do you think you could turn around for me real quick?"

He doesn't answer me at first, but then his hand grbs mine and squeezes. "Help."

This is horrible. I'm about to cry myself. Poor Jay, he doesn't deserve any of this. I desperately want to pinch something, but that'll have to wait. Right now, I need to help my little brother.

"Okay, just stay calm. I've got you. I promise." I soothe him, before placing both hands on his shoulder and hip. "I'm gonna turn you around, okay? Just take slow breaths." I place him on his back, his bare chest exposed. He is unnaturally pale, eyes screwed shut, lips becoming an ugly shade of blue. His hands are clutching at his chest, hoping to ease the pain, but failing. I notice the tips of his fingers are also somewhere between blue and purple. Oxygen deprivation. The oximeter now reads 71. "You're doing great. Just keep breathing." I grab the stethoscope and press it to Jay's chest. There is no breath sounds on his left side. I was right. Pneumothorax. Could this day any worse for my brother. What I'm about to do is anything but pretty.

"Jay, listen to me. Try to stay calm, okay? Your lung collapsed. That's why you can't breathe. Now, I need to treat that in order to save you." I pause, trying to think of a better way to say this. I find none. "There's nothing to numb you or knock you out with." I know he understands. He knows what the treatment for a pneumothorax is. Noone should ever have to go through this awake, but I have no choice. If I wait for him to pass out, it'll be too late. He's already in too much danger as it is. " I'm sorry, Jay, but this is going to hurt like hell. Do you understand I'm saying?"

He nods.

God, this sucks. "Just try to relax. It'll be over before you know it" I lie to him, knowing he's definitely going to feel it.

"Jus- do- it."

I swear I can feel my soul breaking inside my chest. "I'll try to be as quick as I can." Enough with the chitchat. His oxygen levels are already down to 68. I have to move.

Grabbing everything I need, I lean back over my brother. "I'm sorry, buddy, I have to do this." Thanks to the lack of energy he's experiencing, I only get a nod in response.

I quickly prepare everything and sterilize the area with some iodine. Jay's left hand is now stretched above his head to the area. "Try to hold still." I put gloves on and grab the scalpel. "Ready?" Another nod. Pressing two of my fingers to his chest, I count my way down to his fifth rib. The scalpel meets the skin and before I know it, there is an inch long cut stretching down my brother's side. He's desperately trying to get some air into his lungs. I decide to go as fast as I can, without explaining what's going on. I press my index finger into the incision, causing my brother to scream in pain. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, bro." I try to soothe him, while pushing my finger deeper and moving it around, making sure that the hole is wide enough for the tube. This procedure never used to scare me, but I gotta admit, I'm terrified. Part of me actually wishes that Jay would just pass out and make the torture stop. But it doesn't happen. Once I'm satisfied with the depth, I grab the tubing. "Almost done, Jay. You're doing great." I align the tube with my finger and shove it into my brother's chest.

I've never heard a scream this bad. Jay is biting into the knuckles of his right hand, eyes shut and tears running down his cheeks. He's grunting in pain, but stays still nevertheless. This is Jay Halsted for you.

I push the tube a bit further and finally hear a hissing sound, indicating that the chest tube is doing its job. Jay coughs and loosens the bite on his knuckles. "All done. I just need to secure it in place, okay?"

"Mhm" Jay rasps in response.

"I wish I could tell you this wouldn't hurt." I say, grabbing the prethreaded needle with one hand, while holding the tube in place with the other. Six stitches and a lot of screaming later, the procedure is finally over. I tape some gauze over the tube sticking out of my brother to keep it clean and lean over Jay. "You okay?" I ask, refering to the tears still trickling down his face. He doesn't answer me, occupies with his breathing. I glance over at the oximeter, which now reads 70. His levels are coming back up. I notice the blood running down my brother's arm. He actually bit through the skin on his knuckles. "Let me see" I gently grab the hand to clean it, and to my surprise he doesn't refuse. He must be exhausted. After it's wrapped in some gauze, the sound of my alarm goes off.

Concussion check time. Well, I already know Jay's sorta coherent and partially awake, though I haven't seen his eyes in a while. I take off my gloves and wipe the tears from Jay's cheeks. "Can you open your eyes, buddy?" He slowly blinks. "Follow my finger." I move it left, right, up and down. He tries his best to follow it, but doesn't quite succeed. "Good" I lie. I shine the light into them and notice that his pupils are almost unresponsive. Damn it. "Okay, how's the pain?"

"I'll live" he finally speaks up. I laugh and check his IV.

"Rest up." I say covering him with a blanket. I'm afraid to let him sleep, but he's barely conscious and I need him to keep fighting. "I'll wake you up in an hour." If his symptoms deteriorate, I'll have no choice but to keep him awake, but for now, he can sleep. As for me, I'll stare at him constantly just to make sure he's okay.

"I've got you, bro" I say patting his shoulder, but he doesn't hear me. He's already sound asleep as if nothing were wrong. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and finally let myself relax a bit. Jay was safe. For now. "I got you."

_To be continued..._


	5. I Can Fly - part 4

**Will's P.O.V.**

It's been over 30 hours since the crash and we're still stuck in the middle of nowhere. Since we're inside a forest, no one can see us, so the chances of being rescued are quite slim. Lucky for us, we also have no food and a single bottle of water, so we're pretty much starving. Awsome. So much for a pleasant vacation.

Jay's been the same since the setback with a collapsed lung. Not better, but not much worse either. I can't complain. The IV ran out sometime during the night, which is a bit of a problem. If Jay's bleeding internally, his blood volume is gonna keep dropping, meaning he's going to go into cardiac arrest. And I can't have that happen, because I'll have no way of helping him.

The alarm on my watch goes off again. Time to wake my brother up and annoy him some more.

"Jay." I shake his shoulder to get his attention. He doesn't even stir. "Jay, I know you're tired, but you need to wake up for a dew minutes, okay?" Still nothing. "Come on, buddy. Look at me." No reaction. This is freaking me out a bit, so I decide to gently slap his face. "Open your eyes, Jay." No, nothing. I notice his skin feels clammy, so I press my hand against his forehead. It's burning up. Damn it. Now, I really need to wake him up. Fast. "Jay! Wake up, bro. Jay!" I'm yelling in his face, shaking him mlre violently.

After a few more tries, he finally moans. "Stop. Yelling." he slurrs, barely audible.

"Thank God. You scared the crap out of me." I exhale in relief. "You okay?"

"Fabulous. Why do you ask?"

Well, at least his sense of humor is still intact. "You in pain?"

"Nope." Not the answer I was expecting. At all. Something's not right.

I shine the penlight into his eyes, making my heart drop to the centre of the Earth. His pupils are dilated and completely unresponsive.

"Where are we?"

That makes my chest tighten. "What do you mean, Jay?" Does he not remember? "We're in the forest in Wisconsin."

"Why? Wht hppnd?" Oh, this is not good. He's swallowing half of what he's saying.

"Jay, what day is it?"

"Whr r we?" his eyes are looking around, nkt really seeing anything.

"Jay, look at me" I cup his face. "We're in Wisconsin. We had an accident, but you'll be okay." I know there's a very good chance that I'm lying to him, but I have no choice. I'm scared.

"Will?" he asks after a few seconds, completely confused as to why I'm here.

"Yes, Jay. It's me. Can you tell me your full name?"

"Whh? Tird." No, no, no. He can't sleep. Something's wrong. I'm freaking out.

"Jay, listen to me." He still isn't paying attention to me, which isn't a good sign. "Jay, something's wrong with you, so I need you to stay awake. Keep talking to me, okay? Try to focus. What's your full name?"

"Whr m I?"

God, this is so bad. I swear, if someone doesn't find us right now... I'm gonna carry him out of this forest, if I have to. His eyes start closing, scaring me even more. If that's even possible. "Jay! No! No sleeping for you. You gotta keep me company, kay?"

"Will?"

"Yeah, brother, it's me." Why hasn't anyone found us yet? I'm about to cry, when I hear something.

A flopping sound, echoing through the woods. Is that a helicopter? That definitely sounds like a helicopter. I look up at the sky, but can't see anything, because it's the night. How are they ever gonna see us in the dark? I've started a fire a while back to keep us warm, so maybe they'll notice the flame, but it's a long shot. Can't loose hope now. Where's the damn bird? A few seconds later, a helicopter floats into my view. Oh my God. Somebody is leaning out of its side, shining a light directly at us.

My heart jumps and I wave both of my hands. "Hey! We're down here!" I turn my attention to Jay, keeping him awake. "Come on, Jay, don't go to sleep now."

Suddenly, a loud voice appears, coming from the helicopter. "Hang tight! We're coming to get you guys!" I've never been so happy in my entire life. They've found us. Jay's gonna be okay.

"Hear that, Jay? They're here, so hang in there." I beg, adding "For me."

His eyes focus on me for a second, before sliding closed. I don't panick though. He's gonna make it. I'm sure of it.

"I've got you, brother." I say, squeezing his hand. "We're saved."

**Will's P.O.V.**

Eight hours later, I'm sitting next to Jay's hospital bed, still unable to believe the events of the last couple of days. Talk about an adventure.

I was right. Jay ended up being fine. Well, as fine as he could be after a helicopter crash. All the confusion was caused by a small brain bleed, which was successfully fixed in surgery. Four broken ribs, one of which punctured his lung, as well as three fractured ribs - impressively all on the same side, will heal with time. The piece of wood miraculously managed to miss everything, therefore didn't do much damage. The wound was cleaned out and stiched, the chest tube replaced with a sterile one. As for me, I got away with a minor concussion and some bruised ribs, which is close to nothing. Both of us were dehydrated as well as starving - nothing an IV and a good meal can't fix.

I look at my brother's pale face. He's still sleeping off the sedative he was given in the ER. The doctor explained to me that he started freaking out about where I was, therefore he had to be given something to calm down. Yeah, that's Jay for you. Overprotective of anyone he loves.

Suddenly, I notice some movement on the bed. Jay's finally waking up. I squeeze the hand I'm holding, and it squeezes back. His eyelids flutter and next thing I know, a pair of beautiful blue eyes is looking into mine.

"Hey" I greet my idiot brother.

"Hey" he rasps back, but to me, it's the most pleasant sound I know.

"I thought you said you knew how to fly a chopper." I joke, earning an exhausted smile from him. "How are you feeling?"

"We survived a helicopter crash." He states, not responding to my question, and pauses. "I bet not many people can say that, huh?"

Same old Jay, already joking around. What can I say? I'm not surprised.

_The end._


	6. Huston, we have a problem - part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this, ladies and gentleman, is where the not-as-embarassing chapters begin XD I hope you enjoy!

**Jay's P.O.V.**

"I got something!" Ruzek yells from the bullpen, startling me a bit and almost making me drop the mug I'm holding.

Geez, can't a guy have some coffee in peace?

"Alright, gear up" Voight responds. Well, guess not, better luck next time. I put the clean mug back on the counter and walk towards my team.

"Halsted you're with Ruzek, go check it out." Voight orders. Wait, what about everyone else? "Today, Halstead." the sarge warns me to start moving, so I follow Ruzek downstairs. Why does it have to be me? I want coffee!

In case you're wondering, why I'm partnering with Ruzek, it's because Erin left. Again. No warning, no message. Nothing. She just walked out on me, like the last time. Amazing, right? The cherry on top was, that I was about to propose to her. Lucky me. Anyway, ever since then, the whole team has been switching up partners all the time. Since Tony left as well, everything's messed up ananyway, so we're not doing any harm by switching things up a bit.

"Hey, Ruzek. Where are we off to?" I ask my partner getting into the SUV. The only good thing about Erin leaving is that I get to drive. But honestly, I'd give up driving any day, just to have her back.

What was I talking about? Oh, right. We've been working on this odd case for a couple of days now, but still haven't gotten any leads. I gotta admit, I'm getting kinda bored.

"I don't know, it's probably nothing." Ruzek responds to me, waking me from my fantasies for the second time in the last ten minutes. "Just wanted some action, you know?"

I laugh in agreement. This weirdo is starting to act just like me. I love it.

About twenty minutes and a conversation about baseball later, we finally pull up in front of an abandoned warehouse.

"This is a bit bigger than I expected "Adam points out. "You sure we shouldn't be calling for back-up?"

"Dude, you said it's probably nothing. We got this." I respond getting out of the car. We walk up to the entrance, guns already in our hands. "Showtime."

**Adam's P.O.V.**

Now that I think about it, this doesn't seem like such a good idea. Jay's crazy, I know that much, but I kinda don't wanna get in trouble, if you know what I mean.

"Jay-" I try to talk my partner out of it once again, but he already kicks the door open.

Well, too late. There's no backing out now.

He heads inside, so I follow. This is so stupid. _But_ it's also kinda fun. I can't help it. I enjoy it every single time. The hallway is completely dark, which is only adding to the adrenaline. We check one room after another and everything is clear. Perhaps I was right. Maybe it is nothing after all.

"Let's check the back" Jay whispers from somewhere in front of me.

"Okay." Can't hurt, right? We head into the last room, which turns out to be a huge storage room. The light is on, but thanks to high piles of junk, we can't see very far. More importantly, it's impossible for us to clear the room.

Suddenly, something doesn't feel right.

My brain is over thinking and my heart is racing. The light was on, which usually doesn't mean the place is empty. In this specific moment, that would be very inconvenient, because there is only two of us. Jay and me.

Well, this sucks. I can't say anything out loud, because someone could hear us, therefore I can't warn Jay. We could be walking into a trap.

This might be a problem. I notice he's walking more than 20 feet ahead of me. When did he get so far away? Seriously, how am I supposed to cover him from back here? I notice he's about to round a corner and walk out of my sight, which means he'll be going in blind. No cover and no back-up. This is brilliant.

As if he could read my mind, Jay turns around to look at me. I'm about to say something, when I notice movement behind him. What is that?

Oh no. Can this get any better?

"Jay, watch out!" I yell just in time to see him get smacked over the head with something metal. I can hear the collision from way over here and it makes my heart drop. That had to hurt. Jay's knees buckle and he drops to the floor, out cold.

I was too late.

Before I know it, Jay is being picked up by two machos. The third one, who also happens to be the biggest one out of all of us, has dropped the metal pipe he used to smack Jay, and is now pointing a gun in my friend's face.

"Drop your gun or I'll shoot him!"

Well, this is not good.

_To be continued..._


	7. Huston, we have a problem - part 2

**Adam's P.O.V.**

_"Drop your gun or I'll shoot him!"_

_Well, this is not good._

"Listen, man, you really don't-" I try talking our way out of this wonderful situation, keeping an eye on Jay's motionless pale face.

"Drop your gun, NOW!" the tall guy interrupts me by yelling once again. Before I even get a chance to answer him, he pushes the gun directly into Jay's temple, so that it's leaning against his skin. "Drop it!" That's too close. I have to act, now.

"Okay, okay." I try to say as calmly as I possibly can, leaning forward to slowly and gently place my gun on the floor.

"Now!" the bossy macho warns me again, so I quickly change my mind and end up dropping the gun carelessly the rest of the way. Not the smartest move, but I can't afford having my partner shot right now. Or ever, really.

The second I put both of my hands in the air, the two sidekicks let go of Jay and force me into the wall, chest first. Crap, I can't see Jay from this angle. They better not hurt him, or I'll- Who am I kidding? This is hopeless. What am I supposed to do? Does anyone have a manual that I could borrow or something? No? That's a pity.

One of the dudes grabs my handcuffs and places them around my wrists, while the other one makes sure I don't budge. Brilliant. All my fighting skills will really come in handy with my hands locked in place behind my back. This is just great.

Once they're finished with me, I am allowed to turn around again. Well, more like _forced_ to turn around. Thankfully, Jay is still in the same position as before. Sprawled on the floor and unconscious. Wow, never thought I'd call that _good_. That's a first.

Handcuffs are put on Jay's hands as well, before he is picked up harshly. Both of our phones are lying on the cement floor in pieces.

"Move" a barrel nudges me in the back, coaxing me to start walking, so I do. Man, I'm loving this.

All five of us make our way to the back exit and before I know it, we're outside the warehouse and in front of a black van.

Oh no. No no no. Not good. This is _not_ good. Dear Jay, now would be a good time to wake up and freaking help me.

The back door of the vehicle is opened, and I am shoved inside, probably earning quite a few bruises in the process. A second later, Jay is thrown on the floor next to me none too gracefully. The door is shut closed and for a second, we're left by ourselves.

"Jay, can you hear me? Wake up, Jay!" I finally get a chance to check on my partner. Well, sort of. It's not like I can check for pulse or his pupils or how bad the knock on the hed was. I can see he's breathing though, so that'll do for now.

The front doors open and all three of our captors get in.

"Where are you taking us?" I decide to ask, even though it might be dangerous and I probably won't get an answer anyway. But you never know, they might be stupid. Based on the fact that they kidnapped two CPD detectives, they can't be very smart.

"Quiet!" one of the sidekicks warns me and points a gun at me once again. Well, it was worth a shot. I guess I'm gonna keep my mouth shut for a while.

Before I can react, a piece of duct tape appears in front of my face and is taped over my mouth, keeping me silent. A second later a bag is put over my head, so I can't see anything. Great. This is just what I needed. I hope they don't do the same to Jay, since he's unconscious anyway.

I hear tape being cut into pieces again, so it must not be my lucky day.

We drive in silence for quite a long time. I try my best to remember every turn we take, but am interrupted by a moan from my partner and lose my count. He comes first.

"Boss, he's waking up."

Okay, I was right. There group consists of a boss and two nobodies. And Jay's waking up. Thank God. The head injury probably wasn't too severe.

Suddenly, there is a lot of commotion next to meme and something kicks me in the shin. Dang it. Jay must me trashing around and there's nothing I can do about it.

Please, stay still, Jay.

"Silence him" the boss orders and I hear a smack again. Then silence.

I bet that was the sound of a gun connecting with Jay's head. Seriously, what is wrong with these guys? I hope they didn't hurt him too bad.

About ten minutes of silence later, the van jerks to a stop. Did we arrive at our final destination? Okay, that sounds terrible.

The back door opens and I'm pulled out. "Walk" the gun barrel is pushed against my back for the second time today. And I walk, not knowing where I'm going.

For all I know, I could be steps from walking off a cliff.

We go straight, take a left, then down 36 stairs, then straight again, turn left again, then stop.

A door is unlocked and then I'm flying. Luckily, the floor catches me soon. That was pleasant. Something slumps to the floor next to me with a loud thump. Jay, I'm guessing (and hoping). What was that? The third time his head got slammed into something?

Please, be okay.

I hear movement all around me, but I can't quite figure it out. What are they doing? Hands grab both of my arms and drag me across the floor. "You move, and I shoit him" a voice warns me, before the cuffs are removed for a second and then locked into place once again. I decide to listen to him this time and don't even flinch. The bag and tape are removed from my head and I blink a few times, trying to get my vision to focus.

Where are we?

The door shuts and I finally get a chance to scan the room. One _locked_ door and no windows (great), plain walls and a camera in one corner. Jay is sprawled out on the floor across the room, still unconscious. His hands are secured behind his back with cuffs, just like mine. I try to get up to go check on him, but am pulled back before I can get very far. My cuffs are locked around a thick metal pipe, making sure I don't move.

Seriously, I'm enjoying this little trip so far.

"Jay, man, wake up." He doesn't even stir. "Jay? Can you hear me? Jay!" I don't hold back on screaming. I don't care at this point.

Once my throat starts to hurt from yelling so much, I decide to stop and give myself a break and save some strength for later.

I wiggle around just enough to be able to glance at my watch.

2.14 p.m.

It's been about four hours since this wonderful situation began. That's enough to get really far away from Chicago. That's also enough for the team to realise we never returned from our trip.

Man, I'd love to get yelled at by Voight right now. Hell, I'd even give anything for him to punch me in the face, if it ment we were safe. But I guess it's still not my lucky day, cuz it doesn't happen.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

What the hell?

My head is killing me. Like, _killing_ me. The 'I'm about to die' type of a headache.

When did I get that? And my shoulder is hurting too. And my wrists. What on Earth? I'm could and something smells like mold. Where am I?

I try to open my eyes, but nothing happens. Actually, let me rephrase that. I manage to turn my horrible headache into an even worse one. My eyes still aren't open though.

I have to try again.

One. Two. Thr- "Argh."

**Adam's P.O.V.**

I must've fallen asleep at some point, because I am woken up by the sound of someone being in pain.

Jay.

I lift my head blinking a few times, before my vision clears. Jay is still in the same awkward and most definitely uncomfortable position, but there is a small difference. His face is scrunched in pain. He's waking up.

"Jay?" He doesn't react. "Jay, can you hear me?"

"Mmm." he groans in response.

"Oh, thank God. Are you okay?" Once again, he doesn't answer. "Jay?" Nothing. I'm starting to worry again. "Jay! JAY!"

"WHAT?!" he yells back, wincing to the pain he caused himself.

"You with me?" Silence. "Jay!"

"Yes! Stop screaming!"

I exhale in relief. This annoying, grumpy, exhausted, yet still sarcastic Jay in pain in is way better then the unconscious one.

"What happened?" he slurs quietly.

"You were knocked out. Twice."

He finally opens his eyes and looks at me in confusion. I quickly explain everything that's happened in the past few hours, confusing him even more.

"Kay" he concludes after a few minutes, information sinking in. "How long was I out?"

I check my watch again.

6.43 p.m.

"About seven or eight hours." Wow, that is a long time to be unconscious. "You sure you're okay?" I check again.

"Yeah."

That was a very precise answer. Thank you for that Jay, I curse him silently. "What day is it?"

"Adam, I'm good."

I'm not having it. "What's my middle name?"

"Ruzek! I'm fine!" he lashes out, making me stop blurting. "Shut up and let me sleep."

Before I can say anything in my defence, his eyes are closed and his breathing evens out seconds later.

Alright, let's sleep then.

"Night, Jay." I whisper.

Goodnight, Kim. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. You can't get rid of my incredible personality that easily. I love you, sweetheart.

I decide not to say that part out loud to keep her safe. Just as a precaution.

Please, let tomorrow be a better day.

_To be continued..._


	8. Huston, we have a problem - part 3

**Adam's P.O.V.**

I am gently woken up by the sound of Jay screaming at the top of his lungs, but hey, at least he's awake and coherent.

"-at are you doing?! Get off of me!"

There is all sorts of commotion going on around me. It sound like Jay is resisting the scumbags, although it doesn't sound like it's working that well. I scan my options and decide not to pretend that I'm still asleep. I don't wanna lose sight of Jay, so I really don't have any other choice. I open my eyes to see Jay struggling against the two sidekicks, who are desperately trying to get him up on his feet. Between the lack of food and his concussion, he's still surprisingly strong, giving the two men quite a bit of trouble.

"Stop it! What are you doing? Let him go!" I yell, achieving absolutely nothing. I yell some more, however before I know it, Jay's being struck over the head with the gun barrel once again. For the fourth time. He's knocked out instantly. "Jay! What's the matter with you two? Are you crazy?!" I let my anger out on the sidekicks, who quickly dump Jay back on the floor and transfer their attention to me.

Well, that didn't work out.

The same exact thing happens with me. I kick and scream, while my captors hold me upright. I decide not to cooperate, though that might not be my smartest move ever.

»Hey! What the hell are you doing? Let go of me, you piece of s-«

My disapproval is cut off by something slamming into the back of my head and let me tell you, it hurts like hell. I feel dizzy and nauseous. This can't be good.

The last thing I'm aware of is Jay calling my name a few times, though it seems very distant and echoey. And then I black out.

**Adam's P.O.V.**

My waking up is not as unpleasant as I thought it would be. I do have a headache, but it's not horrible. My eyes are covered with something thick, therefore I am completely unable to see. I have no choice but to rely on my other senses. Thank god for every bit of training I've had. As I take in my surroundings, I can tell that I'm sitting in a chair. My hands are taped to the handles by what I'm guessing is duct tape. So are both of my legs. Okay, it could be worse. And then I remember something.

Jay.

I can' t see anything, so I can't make sure he's alive. Hell, I can't even see if he's in the same room as me or not. Never mind, this couldn't be worse. Or at least that's how it seems at this second. I may be freaking out, but can you really blame me? Yea, didn't think so.

I need to check on my partner though, but to be honest, part of me doesn't want to check. What if I don't get a response and realize he's not here? Or that he's not even alive anymore? What if I realize that they've slaughtered him in the most cruel way possible and he's being buried six feet under as we speak?

Okay, Adam, pull it together! No jumping to conclusions. Breathe and check on your partner.

"Jay?" Nothing. "Jay, are you here?" Nothing. I decide to try again, although I gotta admit I'm kinda freaking out by now. "Jay! Answer me! Jay!"

"Ugh" I suddenly hear a groan, which is most definitely originating from my partner. Thank god.

"Jay! You okay?" I just about scream, trying to get him to answer me.

"What do you think?" he mumbles back, making me exhale in relief.

"I know, I know" I answer. I fully understand what he means. This is a crappy situation, but we are still alive, so we can't complain. "How's your head?" I ask with obvious concern in my voice.

"Someone decided to have a party in it."

That makes me laugh. As long as Jay's sense of humor is intact, he's not too close to dying. "You hurt anywhere else?"

"Not that I know of" he replies. Thank goodness. I'm about to thank every source out there for keeping him safe while I was knocked out, however Jay decides to add something. "Although I'm guessing that's about to change."

That makes my heart drop. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm blindfolded, so I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm laying on a table, which just happens to be tilted at a downward angle. Now I don't know if it's just me, but what I've learnt from my years in the rangers is that this can only mean one thing."

I don't quite understand what he means, so I decide to wait for further explanation.

"They're gonna waterboard me."

"What?!" Okay, _now_ I can freak out. Did I say that my heart dropped when Jay told me things were about to change? Well, I'm pretty sure my heart just _stopped_. I've never actually experienced waterboarding myself, but I sure as hell know what it means. "Are you sure it's not just a coincidence?"

"What do _you_ think?"

Yeah… I can't say I disagree with him. I wish I could, but I can't. The odds aren't exactly in our favor. Though we can hope?

I realize there's something else I need to know. I hate to ask him, as it can't be a pleasant memory, but I have no choice. "Jay?" He stays quiet. "Have you ever… I mean… have you-"

"Experienced this before?" he saves me from my misery. "Sort of" he answers, apparently understanding that this is crucial information for the situation we've gotten ourselves into. I wait for him to go on. "We went through a controlled version of this in training" he stops for a second, but I decide not to say anything. He still hasn't given me the most important piece of information. How it went. If waterboarding causes him PTSD, we are more than screwed. "It was horrible." Yup. We're screwed. He stops talking now. Either because he's caught up in a terrifying memory of the event, or because that's all the information he's willing to give me.

"God, Jay… why would they do that to you guys?" I ask sympathetically.

"I don't know… just in case, I guess" he answers, clearly just as clueless as me.

We stay quiet for a while. I have no idea how to help him. There's nothing I can do to help. There's also nothing I can say. This torturous act is going to happen and we both know it. Just as I'm about to say something, he speaks up again.

"Ruzek, whatever happens… you _can't_ give them any information, got it? No matter what. Do you understand?"

What the hell is he talking about? I can't just let him suffer if there's anything I can do about it. "Jay..." I start to say, but he interrupts me.

"Adam! Promise me."

"Jay, I can't-"

"Ruzek!" I stop talking. "I've been through this before, okay? I know how it goes. I'll be fine."

"What? You don't know that!"

"Adam! I'll be okay."

That makes me shut up. Although I can't say that I agree with him. I sure hope that he's gonna be okay, but there's so many things that could go wrong. He could inhale water and drown, they could injure him even more than they already have, it could cause brain damage… not to mention the psychological consequences it might have on Jay. There's no way of knowing.

"Promise me, you won't let it break you" Jay says after a while, his voice calm and kind.

I inhale deeply, before collecting myself as much as I possibly can "Jay…"

"I _need_ you to keep it together, Adam." Okay, that's not the explanation I was expecting. "Who knows what's gonna happen to me… and I need you to _be_ there for me, okay? You can't lose it."

I can imagine about a thousand things going wrong, and it makes me feel sick. But I also understand where Jay's coming from, and I know that he's right. No matter what happens and no matter what state Jay's in, I'm the one who needs to get us out of here. Not Jay. Not anyone else. Me.

"Okay" I whisper. "I promise."

"Good."

We sit in silence after that. There is about a million questions I wanna ask him, but now is not the time. I let him be in his own world, wherever that is.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

I'm terrified.

I know I shouldn't be saying this, because it's not helping anyone, but I'm terrified.

I've been trying to make myself believe, that this isn't really happening, but the sane part of my brain knows, waterboarding is the only logical explanation for this. Our captors aren't stupid, that's clear. They won't go easy on us, because they know we won't give them any information. I don't know exactly what their intentions are, but I do know, that it isn't gonna be pretty. Whether this is going to be a way of forcing information out of Adam and I, or a way of forcing our team to do whatever it is that there bastards want, it's also going to be torture on all of us. I may be the only one tied to a tilted board, but waterboarding sure as hell isn't an easy thing to watch.

There are so many things that could go sideways, but I can't let myself think about that or I'm gonna lose it. In addition to all the physical injuries it could cause, the psychological part is what worries me most. Most physical injuries are treatable, psychological not so much. I can't say my previous experience with this type of torture was exactly pleasant, and on top of my obvious concussion and exhaustion... I just hope I don't panic once I experience this again.

I don't know. I feel like I'm already going crazy, and this hasn't even started. On the other hand, psyching me out beforehand was a very smart move. They're trying to weaken me as much as possible, and let me say, it's working.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

I must've fallen asleep, as I am woken up by someone slapping my cheek.

"Wakey, wakey" a tall man says, from above me. "You don't wanna be asleep for this part." The blindfold has been removed, so I can finally see that I'm in what seems like a big version of a laundry room. The floor and walls made of tile and there are drains on the floor. There also happens to be a hose, which only confirms my suspicion of what's about to go down. A bucked full of water is standing on the floor beside me and a cloth is draped over it. Great. I was right. I notice Adam is tied to a chair nearby, however he's still blindfolded. Probably in order for him not to be able to see if I'm alivw or not. Smart move. Two men are standing next to him, grins stretching over their faces. I've seen them before. They are the two men who knocked me over the head, before we were moved into this room.

One thing I've noticed since being kidnapped is that there are three captors. Two of them do the ugly business, while one of them does the talking. In simple words, there is one leader and two sidekicks.

The leader is standing above my head, which for some reason doesn't fill me with hope. On the contrary, it scares the hell out of me. Why? Because leaders of these type of gangs tend to be _way_ more aggressive that the sidekicks, which in this case doesn't mean anything good. He places two blocks on either side of my head, preventing me from moving it.

"Ready to have some fun?" the leader picks up the wet cloth and holds it in my range of vision. I decide not to say anything as to not aggravate my lovely kidnappers even more than they probably are by impulsively saying something stupid.

I just hope Adam holds up.

"Don't you dare touch him!" he screams.

Damn it. He's already losing it and we haven't even started. I can feel my heartbeat speed up. This is gonna be harder than I thought.

"You used to be a ranger, so you know how this goes" the leader addressees me with a big evil smile on his face and completely covers my face with the soaked cloth, restricting my ability to breathe properly to about 20%. I try my best not to freak out, as it won't do me any good in the long run.

"So, Adam, you can end this now… or you can let your friend over here pay the price. Your choice."

Damn it. I was kinda hoping this whole getting kidnapped thing was about the whole team. Now, as it seems, it's got something to do with Adam, which means we're screwed. He's not gonna let them torture me, especially not if it's all on him.

"What are you talking about?" Adam asks, panic obvious in his voice. At least to me. "Who are you?!"

"You don't remember me?" the leader asks teasingly. "Let's see if this rings a bell."

Without warning, he dumps the bucket of water over my head. Since I was already starting to feel the lack of oxygen, I can't help but inhale some water, making myself choke.

"No! Wait!" I can hear Adam scream. "Let me think!"

Miraculously, the cloth is removed, and I can breathe again. I cough and gasp, while I can hear Adam screaming my name and begging me for a response. I can also hear the bucket being filled up again. Can't wait.

"M okay" I slur in between my coughs.

"Shut up!" the leader yells at me, before looking at Adam once again. "Do you know who I am now?"

Adam stays quiet. I'm not sure if it's because of the promise he made me or because he actually doesn't know. Either way is fine by me, as long as _he_ doesn't get hurt.

"Not feeling cooperative, huh? Let's see if this helps."

"No, no, no, stop!" Adam begs. It doesn't work though.

The cloth is back over my face and a second later so is the water. Except this time, the water isn't dumped on me. This time, it's poured slowly, keeping me without air for way longer than the previous time. I try my best to hold my breath for as long as I can, and somehow I manage not to inhale any water. Success. The cloth never leaves my face though.

"Does Jake Pierovich ring any bells in that head of yours?" the leader asks Adam, who suddenly gasps. That can't be good.

**Adam's P.O.V**

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

How could this happen? Jake Pierovich was a guy I knew in prison. I tried my hardest to forget what had happened, but all of a sudden it's all coming back to me.

I've always been more on the impulsive side, so I used to get in quite a few fights. Jake was one of the members of our gang, who I didn't get along with. This one time, I found out he'd betrayed us, so I got into a fight with him. I also happened to get caught and so I turned this Jake guy in. Things went very sideways and long story short, Jake is now stuck in one of the most secure prisons in the country. And since I was his one way ticket to prison, I now have the honor to be his return ticket as well. Or, you know, let Jay die. _My_ choice.

"So you _do_ remember? That's great. Now tell me how I can get to my brother or your friend gets it."

I can hear Jay gasping for air. He's coughing which means he's still conscious. It doesn't sound pretty, but I promised I wouldn't say anything, so I need to keep my promise. At least for now.

"How am I supposed to know? Does it look like I work there?" I ask as sarcastically as I possibly can.

I can hear water splash over what I'm guessing is Jay's face. I can hear a gurgling sound which must be the sound of Jay choking on the water, but once the water stops, he's coughing his heart out once again in between gasps.

"Feeling any more cooperative now, detective? Your friend's looking a bit blue."

Damn it, Jay, breathe. What do I do? Think, Adam, think. What can I say that won't sound like a lie, but won't be true either?

"No? Let's try this again."

Here we go once again. The water, the gurgling, the coughing and the gasping, same as before.

He said Jake was his brother, so he's emotionally attached to him. How far can I go with this story, before h-"

"Where the hell's my brother?!" I'm cut off by the leader's yells.

Wait, what? What does he mean _where_? I thought he was in prison.

"Don't tell me you and your famous team don't have a lead on him, since he's escaped" he continues his accidental explanation.

Thank you very much, idiot. I can come up with a good story now, but before I can, Jay speaks up.

"Don't - tell him – any – thing" he whispers in between gasps. His voice is already hoarse.

I wanna say something, but before I can, water's being dumped on Jay once again. Except this time, there's not as much coughing at the end. More importantly, there's no gasping. Damn it.

"Jay?!" I asked alarmed. No response. "Jay!" Suddenly he gasps for air, making me exhale in relief. I gotta come up with a lie as soon as possible, before they drown Jay. I have no idea what's gonna happen after that though. Once they get the information they think they need, they might as well kill us.

No, I can't let that happen. I have to give Voight time to find us. I need to stall for as long as I can. I'm sorry Jay. Whatever you do, just keep breathing. This might be the biggest mistake of my life, but it's the only way to even have a slight chance of getting Jay out in one piece and alive.

I stay quiet.

Water's dumped again. And again. And again. It's been done seven times by now. That's a lot. I don't know how Jay's still conscious, but he doesn't shut up.

"Okay, maybe we should change the tactics" the leader says. That can't mean anything good. Stay with me Jay. Voight's gonna find us. I now he is. You just gotta hang in there.

I can hear something being dragged across the room, but I can't quite make out what it is. The water is turned on, and the gurgling sound is back. There's no pause And I finally understand.

It was a hose.

Water is now being poured directly on Jay's face. No bucket. Meaning the flow will never stop, unless I say start talking. I can hear Jay swallowing heaps of water, which means he's losing the battle. I gotta talk.

"Okay, okay, stop!" I yell. "Turn it off!"

Nothing happens.

"Damn it, you piece of shit, turn the damn water off! I'll tell you anything!"

The water is turned off and all I can hear is silence.

"Jay!" Nothing. "Damn it, Jay, breathe." Nothing. "Jay! Breathe!"

Suddenly, he coughs up what sound like quite a lot of water. He still doesn't inhale though.

"Breathe, Jay. Breathe."

Finally, he inhales as much air as he possibly can.

"That's it. Just keep breathing" I encourage him, thankful that he's still fighting. I can hear his breathing become more regular, though it's more of a wheeze than proper breathing.

"Start talking!" Jake's brother warns me, and I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. It turns into a very long and completely pointless monologue, in which I try to give as little information as I can, constantly keeping an eye on Jay's breathing. Sadly, I don't fool the leader.

"He's making this up" he says and before I can say anything, water is pouring on Jay once again. I scream and yell for them to stop, but it's pointless. No one listens to me. The three kidnappers are laughing, while I scream my hear out and try my best not to vomit at the sound of Jay inhaling water and not air. I can hear him kicking around to get out of the restraints. I can hear him screaming through the cloth. I can tell he's panicking and I can't blame him. He's experiencing what experts would call dry drowning. I, on the other hand, would call it torture.

Just as I start trashing around, even though I can't move very far, the door bursts open, and I hear the best sound, I could possibly wish for. "Chicago PD!" The sound of Voight's hoarse voice fills the room. I fell like I could cry.

"Drop it!" Dawson's voice joins him, referring to either the hose or a gun. "I said drop it!" Wait what's Dawson doing here? I thought he-

A shot rings out and something thumps to the floor. Two more shots follow, before hands appear on my shoulders.

"Ruzek! You okay, kid?" That's Al. Someone is untying my blindfold and suddenly, I can see again. I look around, trying to find Jay, however I can't see him, because Al's purposely standing in the way. I can hear other members of my team coaxing Jay to breathe, which doesn't help y state of panic.

"Jay! Is he okay?!" I yell not paying attention to his questions "Jay!"

"Ruzek, stop!" he says, squeezing my shoulders. "Let's worry about you for a second. Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm fine, Al. Now let me check on Jay" I refuse to let him check on me.

"Alright, okay, just relax, so I can cut the tape" he says, referring to the fact that I'm still trashing around. I calm down enough for him to use his knife, but as soon as I'm free I dash over to Jay.

"Jay, can you hear me?" that's Dawson.

"Can you open your eyes, kid?" Voight.

"Come on buddy, deep breaths" Dawson again.

He's trashing around violently, despite the fact that he's barely breathing. His inhales are more like a very short and shallow gasp, followed by a very long wheeze instead of an exhale. His clothes are soaked with freezing cold water, which explains the constant shivering. His lips are completely blue, it seems like he can't hear any of our voices despite the fact that we're screaming, and it almost seems like he's crying.

And that's when it clicks to me.

He's having panic attack.

"Untie him" I yell at my teammates, before adding "Now!"

They immediately cut the ropes around Jay's arms and legs, as well as those across his chest and torso holding Jay in place. Someone removes the blocks that were keeping his head still and preventing him from effectively coughing up the water.

"It's okay. You're okay. We got you" I try my best to soothe him. Once he's untied, he stops trashing around as much. "Let's turn him on his side" I say, immediately receiving help from my teammates. Soon, Jay's laying on his side, coughing up some more of the water from his lungs. I put one of my hands on his chest, while rubbing the other one in circles across his back. "Just breathe, Jay. It's over. You're safe" I keep a rant of soothing words going. His breathing is still way to fast and shallow, and he's not exactly coherent, which means the panic attack isn't over. "Deep breaths, buddy. You're okay. They can't hurt you anymore."

I am well aware of the fact that the whole team is just about staring at me in shock. They never thought of me as someone who was caring. By now, they've probably figured out what was going on with Jay. Atwater went to get the EMTs, while the others took a step back, to let Jay breathe for a second. Dawson and Voight both took of thir jackets and placed one underneath Jay's head and covered him with the other to help him warm up a bit. Al was now crouched next to Jay, holding both of his hands for reassurance. I on the other hand kept the monologue of soothing words going, as it seemed to calm him down. I think neither Jay nor I knew what I was actually saying, but that didn't matter. We were safe.

After about five minutes, that seemed to last an eternity, Jay opened his eyes.

"You okay?" I asked cautiously.

I received a small nod in response, before Jay smiled. As in actually smiled. Yes, you heard me right. Smiled. "You did it" he whispered. "Thanks" he started coughing violently, so I gently patted his back.

"Shh, don't talk. I'm just glad you're okay, buddy."

That's when the EMTs arrived and started working on Jay. Al let go of his hands to give the EMTs some space, while I took hold of one of Jay's hands, refusing to let go. While they were getting ready to transfer Jay, I filled everyone in on exactly what happened, especially mentioning how many times Jay was hit in the head.

We were both driven to the nearest hospital (which happened to be Aurora St. Luke's Medical Center in Milwaukee, yes, you heard me right, Milwaukee), where we were hooked up to IVs and heart monitors. They also took an MRI of our heads and x-rays of our chest to make sure we were really okay. Turns out we were quite lucky. We were both dehydrated and Jay ended up having a concussion and slight hypothermia. His lungs, however, were completely clear, which was a miracle if you ask me. A couple IVs and hours of sleep later, he was already asking if he could leave. Thanks to the emotional trauma we've been through, we were both released into family care (or in our case team care), and before we knew it, we were sitting in the car, driving back towards Chicago.

It just seemed too good to be true.

_To be continued..._


	9. Huston, we have a problem - part 4

**Jay's P.O.V.**

It's been about eight hours since they've found us. We spent about six of them in the hospital and the remaining two driving back to Chicago. Since both Adam and I were only released from hospital because of our continuous begging to let us leave, we were ordered to stay with one of our teammates. That way, they can keep an eye on us. I would be staying at Will's, but he happens to have super long shifts this week, so I'd have to be alone most of the time. (Which I obviously I wasn't allowed to do.)

Since Erin left, I've grown closer to Voight than I ever thought possible, so he kindly offered to take care of me for the time being. To be honest that was kind of obvious from the get-go. However, Adam refused to leave my side, therefore Voight had no choice but to let him stay at his house as well.

We're now almost in Chicago. I was specifically instructed to get as much rest as possible, therefore I was more or less forced tolayon the back seat of Voight's car. I'm not allowed to sit up, because apparently my body needs a break from all the torture and stuff, but I also musn't lay flat, because that makes it harder for me to breathe. So I'm basically laying at a 45 degree angle, whatever that means.

With me occupying the back three seats and Voight sitting behind the wheel, driving in silence, Adam is left sitting in the passenger's seat, staring at who knows what. I can tell that he's biting his head off for what happened. He hasn't said a word since we left the hospital. Well, to be honest, he hadn't said much before that either. He yelled in a couple of nurses' faces when they refused to release me, but other than that he's as silent as a grave.

I can also see Voight glancing from me to Adam and back to me again, just to make sure we're actually alive and sitting in his car. The whole team was furious once they found us. All three of our kidnappers were killed at the scene (and I can't say I wouldn't do the same if I had the chance). I don't remember much of what happened after the waterboarding initially started, but Idoknow that the whole team was fussing over me with worry. Especially Adam.

"It's not your fault, you know?" I decide to speak up despite my incredibly sore throat. Voight immediately looks at me, probably thinking that the only reason why I'm talking is because something's physically wrong with me. Relief spreads across his face once he realizes, I'm actually trying to have a conversation. Adam, on the other hand, doesn't react whatsoever, therefore I continue "Adam. Stop doing this to yourself. This wasn't on you." Nothing. "No one blames you." Nothing. Does he have to be so stubborn? "Idon't blame you."

"Well, you should."

Seriously? That's all he has to say? You gotta be kidding me. At least I got him talking... "No, Adam. You're being ridiculous and you know it. This was no-one's fault, especially not yours."

"Give it a break, Jay. It's all on me. All of it" he practically whispers the last part of the sentence.

"You know what, Adam? Fine, it is your fault. Is that what you wanna hear? Is it?" I'm losing my patience, because to be honest my head is killing me and so is my chest, but he needs to hear this or he'll drive himself nuts. I can tell that he's surprised by what I just said, but if he won't accept it the easy way, I'm gonna make him understand the hard way.

"But you know what else is on you?" I continue my monologue. He doesn't say anything and neither does Voight. He's probably letting us fight our own battles.

"The fact that I'm alive."

That's what makes Adam look at me. Finally. "What are you talking about?"

"I may not remember everything, but I know that you'd never let me get hurt if you could help it. You would've killed thosebastardsif you had the chance."

I stop talking in order to catch my breath. Again, there's no response.

"I made you promise me, not to give them any information, Adam. You stayed strong. And you know what?"

"What?" he whispers quietly.

"I managed to hold on, because I knew you'd get us out." At that, Voight lets out a laugh of respect(yes, that is an actual thing that I've learned to recognize). "Itrustedyou, Adam. And you didn't let me down."

Everything's quiet for my somewhat labored breathing.

"Look at me Adam" I order him gently, but he doesn't obey. "Look at me" I try once again, and he finally turns towards me. He doesn't make eye contact though. I adjust my position so that he's forced to look me in the eyes, before I start talking again. "I'm alive, Adam. I'm okay."

No one says anything after that. We don't normally engage into pep talks like this. Especially not the three of us. Dawson and Al are known to be the ones, who actuallyhaveemotions. Adam, Voight and I on the other hand… more on the introvert side when it comes to things like this.

Voight's the next one to speak up. "Alright, Adam, we both know that Jay's right so stop pouting, okay?" he addresses Adam before turning to me "As for you, mr. 'I'm perfectly fine, so I can leave the hospital even though I can't breathe properly', shut up and get some rest, understood?"

That makes Adam laugh(thank god), so I make the most innocent face I can manage and try to defend myself "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb. I can hear that wheeze from way over here." I gotta admit, hedoes havea point. "Stop talking and relax, or I'm driving you straight to med, got it?"

"Yes, sir" I say and actually do as he says.

**Voight's P.O.V.**

They were both asleep the minute their feet touched the bed. So much for being perfectly fine, huh?

Adam helped me get Jay upstairs and into my bed, before I guided him into Justin's old room. He was asleep instantly, not even bothering to feel awkward. He's exhausted from having been worried about Jay this whole time. I can tell.

Sure, Jay might've had it worse of physically, but thanks to the concussion he received the second they encountered their kidnappers, he has almost no memory of the past few days. Adam, on the other hand, remembers everything clearly. Everything from Jay being hit over the head for the first time, to him almost drowning. He remembers every little bit of it. And let me tell you, it sucks.

I decide to leave the light in the hallway on, should either of them wake up not knowing where they are. Checking on Jay once again, I head downstairs and lay on my not so comfortable couch, where I'm bound to me sleeping for the next few days. I hadn't slept much since Jay and Adam went missing, so my eyes start closing almost immediately, and before I know it, I'm sound asleep.

**Voight's P.O.V.**

I'm woken up by the sound of someone screaming at the top of their lungs. I immediately know who the screams belong to. I've heard Jay screaming while being caught up in a nightmare before, and I'm kinda glad that this isn't him. That would put a hell of a lot of stress on his already weakened lungs and I'm not sure he could handle that. The screams, however, must belong to the other detective sleeping in my house.

I'm on my feet and running up the stairs two steps at a time before I'm even fully awake. I burst into my son's old room and immediately see Adam, tangled into the bed sheets. He's trashing around, probably caught up somewhere between a nightmare and a panic attack, mumbling words that only he understands.

"Adam! Wake up, it's just a nightmare" I say quite loudly, before approaching him carefully. I don't wanna risk getting punched in the face, but I'm well aware of the fact that he's gonna end up hurting himself unless I wake him up. I grab both of his hand simultaneously and yell once again "Adam! Adam, wake up!" He doesn't wake up though. "Ruzek! It's just a dream." Still nothing, so I decide to change tactics. I let go of one of his hands and slap him as hard as I can, without actually hurting him. "Ruzek! Snap out of it!"

He finally wakes up. His eyes snap open and look from side to side in pure panic.

"Hey, it's okay, relax" I soothe him, my voice about as kind as it can get. "It's not real."

He visibly relaxes after I repeat the same sentences a couple more times. "That's it. Deep breaths" I instruct him, before going to the bathroom to get him a glass of water, which he thankfully accepts. I sit down on the bed next to him, putting my hand on his leg for support. "Wanna tell me what that was about?"

I fully expect him to refuse to talk to me, however that doesn't happen. Instead, he starts crying. Yes, full on crying. I take the now empty glass out of his hands and wrap him in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry" he whispers in between sobs."

"Shh, it's okay, kid. Don't worry about it" I say, tightening the embrace even more. "Let it out."

And he does. We sit there for quite a while. Adam crying, while I'm whispering words into his ear. After what seems like about twenty minutes, he finally relaxes. The sobs turn into barely noticeable sniffs, so I release him from the hug.

"You okay?" I ask him, after he refuses to make eye contact. I never get a response. Just as I'm about to give up and leave the room, he speaks up.

"I thought he was dead."

That's all he says. I sit next to him again, waiting for him to continue. It takes him a while, but he does.

"He wasn't breathing anymore" he whispers, tears running down his face once again. "He wasn't breathing and I couldn't help him."

There we go. The truth's out. Adam's still blaming himself for what happened to Jay, but more importantly, he's frustrated because there wasn't anything he could do about it.

"Hey, stop it" I say, grabbing his hand. "You did everything you possibly cold. Jay's alive. He's sound asleep in bed. He's safe. You got him out, Adam. You did exactly what Jay or any of us would've done. You did your best to save him."

He doesn't respond to me, but I can tell that he's starting to calm down. Who knows, he might even start listening to what I'm saying, so I keep going. I talk and talk, without actually receiving a response from my detective, but that doesn't stop me. Just as I'm about to finish telling him about the time when Olinski an I were kidnapped, he speaks up, scaring me in the process.

Shh" he suddenly says, with an alarmed tone in his voice, holding his hand up in front of my face. "Do you hear that?" What on Earth is he talking about? I listen, trying to figure it out, when I finally hear it.

The sound of someone coughing.

"Jay" Adam says with a bit of a gasp, before jumping out of bed and rushing towards my room, aka the room Jay's sleeping in. I don't hesitate for a second and run after him. As soon as we reach the door, my heart drops.

Jay's kneeling on the floor, heaving in between coughs. It looks almost as if he's-

"Jay!" Adam yells and throws himself on the floor next to Jay. "What's wrong?" I allow myself the time to turn on the lights which enable me to see exactly how pale Jay is. And the beautiful and scary shade of blue his lips have turned into.

"Can't-" gasp "brea-" gasp "-the". Coughing. That's all Jay can manage to say. And to be honest, that's all that I need to hear. This doesn't look like a panic attack. No. This looks like he's actually suffocating.

"Hospital" I state, crouching on the other side of Jay, grabbing his arm. "Help me get him up" I instruct Adam, who I realize is muttering something almost inaudible. "Adam!" I yell and manage to get his attention. "Now!" Luckily, he snaps out of it and helps Jay stand up. Well, more like drags him to his feet. Jay's knees buckle almost immediately, and Adam and I are the only thing keeping him from face planting.

"Jay!" Adam yells, while I give Jay a once over. He doesn't seem to be injured, but he's as pale as a ghost. His eyes are filled with panic, which is understandable since he can barely catch a breath. He's terrified.

"Relax, buddy. You'll be okay. We got you" I try my best to soothe him, trying really hard not to freak outmyself.

**Adam's P.O.V.**

We somehow manage to drag Jay down the stairs and into Voight's car. We don't bother calling an ambulance, because Jay simply doesn't have the time. We can get him to the hospital twice as fast ourselves.

I'm sitting on the backseat of Voight's car, with Jay leaning on my chest. I'm squeezing his right hand as hard as I can, while keeping my left hand on his chest. I'm not sure if it's actually helping him, but at this point, I don't think it matters.

"It's okay, buddy. We'll get you help in no time" I whisper into his ear, trying to hide my own panic. What the hell's going on with him? He was completely fine before.

Voight's speeding down the highway, with the lights and siren turned on, breaking every single law out there to get us to the hospital as fast as possible. I also notice that he's talking to someone on the phone.

"-ey, it's your brother-"

Oh, I get it. He's calling Will to give him the heads-up. Apparently, Jay notices too, as his breathing speeds up even more.

"Hey, hey, relax. It's okay. You'll be okay" I encourage Jay, hoping to calm him down. I'm not sure how conscious he really is, but panicking most definitely won't do him any good. I need to keep him as calm as possible. Voight turns to look at us, obviously just as scared as me. I have to do something. "Jay, listen to me. Try to match my breathing, okay? In... and out. In... and out" I instruct him., over-exaggerating my inhales and exhales. After a few more tries, he manages to slow his breaths a little.

"It's working" Voight confirms my observations. "Keep going."

So I do. I keep talking to Jay, who manages to calm down. By the time we reach the hospital, he's breathing somewhat regularly. There's still a wheezing sound accompanying every inhale, but I'll take the wheezing over suffocating any day.

Suddenly, the car stops directly in front of the ER, which can only mean that Voight parked somewhere illegal. and the back door swings open to reveal a very worried Halstead brother.

"Jay!"

"He's been having trouble breathing for about half an hour" I offer a very superficial explanation of what's going on.

"Alright, buddy, let's get you on the gurney" Will says, helping Jay sit up. "Can you stand?" He receives a nod from Jay. "Okay, great." Three seconds later, Jay's sitting on the gurney. Another five seconds later, we're running through the ER. A couple of nurses are next to us almost instantly.

"This is my brother. He's been having trouble breathing" Will briefly explains the situation to the nurses. "Let's get him on 100% oxygen and get an IV started. I want full blood work a chest x-ray and a CT."

Jay's quickly moved to a hospital bed, and his shirt is cut off. Electrodes are connected to his chest, supplying everyone with information about pulse and blood pressure. An oximeter is placed on his finger.

"BP 90/50, pulse 97 bpm" one of the nurses supplies "Oxygen levels are 86."

"Is he gonna be okay?" I ask, scared to the bottom of my heart. Sadly, I'm not rewarded by an answer. Instead, a nurse ushers both Voight an I out of the room and into the waiting room. Brilliant.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

I'm so confused.

One minute I was sleeping, next thing I know, I feel like I'm drowning. I can't even think properly.

I know that Will's here. I can hear him talking to someone. There's so many people.

Why can't I breathe?

Suddenly, Will appears in my line of sight.

"Jay? You with me buddy?"

I try my best to nod.

"Good. You're gonna be alright, okay?" he says, squeezing my hand. "I'm gonna put an oxygen mask on you to help you breathe better, okay? Just take some deep breaths." I nod again. As promised, an oxygen mask appears on my face, making me panic even more.

"Hey, it's okay. Just relax" Will says, rubbing my leg. I'm so glad he's here. "Can you talk?" he asks. I nod again. "Okay, I need to ask you some questions. Do you know where you are?" I look around to make sure that I really am in a hospital and nod. "Good, that's really good. Do you know what day it is?"

"Tues- day" I croak out.

"Okay, what's my middle name?"

Geez, how many answers does he need? "Mr. Oveprotective." He starts laughing. Congratulations to me.

"Alright, alright. Glad to see your sarcasm still exists" he says, patting my leg "Save your strength, okay? I'm gonna go order those x-rays." He turns away from me to leave, before I speak up again.

"Will-" Honestly, it's more of a whisper than speaking. He hears me nevertheless and is by my side in an instant. "It- 's- good- to see- you." I whisper in between my shallow breaths. Will laughs and squeezes my hand.

"It's good to see you too, buddy."

**Will's P.O.V.**

As soon as Jay's results are back, I can bet he's not gonna be happy. My assumptions turn out to be true, and sadly, I have to break the news to Jay. Lucky me.

Well, I guess I'd rather be the one to deliver the news, than have some random doctor. To be honest, the news isn't even that bad, but I know Jay's gonna flip out when he hears it. I'll just have to rip the band-aid off and hope for the best.

As soon as I step into his cubicle, all three pairs off eyes look at me. Voight and Adam were allowed to stay with Jay, while we waited for the results for two reasons. One, so they wouldn't lose their minds in the waiting room, and two, so that Jay wouldn't decide to get up and leave.

"How's the patient?" I direct my question towards Voight, not wanting to make my exhausted brother talk.

"Same as before, I guess" he responds, although that's not quite true. After one glance at the heart monitor, I can see that his oxygen levels have dropped down to 75.

"What's- the- ver- dict?" Jay groans from under the mask.

This conversation can only go one of two ways. Jay's either gonna get upset, or he's too tired to care. But something's telling me the first option's gonna win by default. Well, here goes nothing.

"Jay, you're experiencing what we call secondary drowning" I pause letting the information sink in. So far so good. "The water you inhaled is causing you to go into Acute Respiratory Distress or ARDS for short-"

"Will!" Voight stops me mid-sentence. "English, please."

"Right, sorry" I apologize to Jay more than anyone else and continue. "The water you inhaled yesterday is causing your lungs to swell up, which is making it difficult for you to breathe." I wait for Jay to nod, before going on. "That being said, we need to treat it as soon as possible."

"Okay, what's the treatment?" Voight asks, probably voicing Jay's thoughts.

I take a deep breath, before replying. "I know it's not what you wanna hear, but we're gonna have to sedate you and put you on a ventilator-"

"No" Jay stops me, speaking as loud as he can, making himself go into a full blown coughing fit in the process.

"Jay..." I try to talk some sense into my brother, but am too concerned by his coughing to continue. I help him sit up and gently pat his back. "It's okay, breathe. Just breathe" I soothe him, while making eye contact with an obviously distressed Voight, who's probably wondering the exact same thing as me: how on Earth is it possible to be as stubborn as Jay.

Once my brother finally stops coughing I continue with my explanation "Jay, listen to me" I pause and he looks into my eyes with obvious sadness and fear. "I know you're scared, but this is the only way for me to help you, okay?"

He keeps shaking his head the whole time, apparently not having any of it. "Jay, if we don't do this now, you're gonna die." That's what brakes him. All of a sudden, tears are streaming down his cheeks and his wheezing becomes even worse. I wrap him into a big brother type of a hug and whisper into his ear "Don't worry, buddy. I got you. You're gonna get through this. I promise."

I am well aware of the fact that Voight's staring at us, but at this point I don't care. All that's important is my brother.

"Keep- me- awake" Jay whispers in between gasps.

"What?" I stare at him in disbelief. Is he honestly asking me what I think he is?

"No sedation" he further explains, before coughing some more.

To answer my own question, yes, yes he is. Well, this conversation went into a direction I never even thought of. "Jay…" to be honest, I have no idea what to say to him. If this were some random patient, I'd have a million reasons to list of why this is a bad idea, but since the patient is Jay Halstead… "You'll be way more comfortable if we keep you sedated."

He shakes his head again, obviously disagreeing with me. "No" gasp. "No drugs."

"Why-" I start to search for a more specific reason as to why he's refusing to be sedated, but he stops me before I can get very far.

"Please, Will" he practically begs me. How can I say no to that? This is my brother. And while I hate seeing him suffer, I can't betray his trust.

"Okay" I say, immediately noticing a sparkle in his eyes. "No drugs."

_To be continued…_


	10. Huston, we have a problem - part 5

**Jay's P.O.V.**

There are no words to describe how I feel.

I'm in pain. I can't breathe. I have no control over what's about to happen. Everyone around me thinks that I don't know what I'm saying, because of the concussion, like I can't think straight.

Hell, I _wish_ I couldn't think. But I can. Which also means that I'm fully aware of what's about to happen. You know, when doctors decide to put you on a ventilator, you're normally already unconscious. You don't know it's about to happen. The only part you're aware of is the sort throat you get after and that's it. By that point it's all over and done with. Trust me, I know. I've been there before.

This time, however, I get to experience the whole thing. You might think I'm crazy for refusing sedation, and maybe it's all because this whole situation is taking it's toll on me, but think about it. If you were in my shoes, wouldn't you be scared?

I'm terrified of going to sleep, because I'm afraid of never waking up again.

I think everyone around me thinks that I'm insane, and maybe I am, but that's the only reason why I don't wanna be put under.

Because I'm afraid.

I've just been moved to the ICU, where I'm gonna be spending the next couple of days. Tied to a bed. A machine keeping me alive. What a wonderful world, am I right? Just three days ago, I was worried about missing the baseball game. Now, look where I am.

Voight and Adam were forced to go home and get some sleep, since I won't be going anywhere anytime soon. They weren't particularly happy about that, but they went with it.

Will's been fussing over me ever since I got here. I can tell that he's just about as scared as I am. Who can blame him? I've been missing, which can't have been easy on him, and now that he finally got me back, I'm about half way dead.

He's trying really hard to make this easier for me. And I appreciate it, I really do. It's just… it's hard. All I wanna do is go home and sleep in my own bed, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

Will's standing next to me, squeezing my hand. He's talking to Dr. Rhodes, who suddenly appeared out of nowhere. I don't know what they're discussing though, because of the constant buzzing in my ears. But I can see the worried glances they're giving me.

Dr. Rhodes suddenly transfers his attention to me and says "Are you sure about this?" I'm guessing he's referring to my (from a medical perspective) stupid decision to refuse drugs. I glance over at Will once again, and I can tell that he's torn about what he should do, and I can't blame him. As a doctor he should advise me against it, as a brother, he's trying to be understanding and supportive, but then again, this isn't his choice to make. As long as I'm coherent, I get to decide what to do with my life.

I nod.

My brother shares a look with his colleague, before squeezing my hand even tighter, but doesn't say anything. I can see the tears building up in his eyes. They may not be noticeable to other people, but I'm his brother. I can see them.

Rhodes is the one to speak up again "Okay, Jay. We need to get started as soon as possible, so let me go get everything I need, while Will explains to you how this is gonna go, alright?"

Another nod.

True to his words, my brother speaks up, trying desperately to hide the fear and pain I'm causing him. "We're gonna give you something to help you relax during the procedure, okay?" I shoot him an angry look, so he quickly explains himself. "I know I promised no medication, but this is the only way. Muscle relaxants and that's it. We _won't_ sedate you. That's a promise."

That kinda makes sense, so I nod.

"It could take anywhere from 24 hours to a week for the swelling to go down, so don't expect this to be a quick process." He's probably hoping, that I end up changing my mind about this, but deep inside us, we both know that's not gonna happen.

"You won't be able to speak while you're on the vent, so we'll communicate by blinks. Two blinks for yes, one for no, okay?"

I nod again.

"Jay, don't nod. It's gonna irritate your throat even more. That's the whole point of blinking."

Oh, he wants me to start doing that right away. I can do that. I blink twice.

"Good. We'll also give you a white board so that you can talk to us, if you ever need anything. And if you change your mind about sedation, let me know, okay?" he says, before taking a very long pause. "There's no need to be afraid, Jay. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be with you the whole time."

Since there's no way to say thank you by blinking, I decide to use my voice. That's a stupid decision though, as I end up causing myself to go into a coughing fit, and once again, Will's there to soothe me.

"It's okay, don't talk" he says, before adding "I know, Jay. I know." And it's true. He does know.

By the time my coughs subside, Rhodes is back with a supportive smile on his face. I, on the other hand, am completely exhausted.

"Ready?" he asks kindly.

As ready as I'll ever be. I don't say that out loud, though. I simply lie blink twice.

"Good" Rhodes says "I'm gonna tell you what I'm doing, okay?" I blink twice. "If you want me to stop at any time, squeeze Will's hand twice, okay?" That doesn't help me feel any calmer, but I blink twice anyway. "Let's do this."

There's a lot of commotion going on around me. They lower my bed, so that I'm lying flat on my back, which makes it almost impossible for me to breathe. Everything becomes fuzzy almost instantly and I can hear my heartbeat speed up. The oxygen mask is replaced with an ambu bag, and I can hear Rhodes say something about having to hyperventilate me. And then air is being pushed into my lungs. Once. Twice. Three, four and five times, before the ambu bag disappears and a metal looking thing appears above my face. That's what they call a laryngoscope. My chest tightens in fear. There's no going back now. Someone pushes my mouth open, before the metal thing slides into my throat making me gag.

"Deep breaths" Will tries to soothe me. I realize that I'm squeezing his hand to the point where I might actually break some bones. I can't help it though. This hurts.

"You're doing great" Rhodes tells me, although I'm pretty sure he's lying. It feels like I'm about to choke. "Almost done." Thank god.

An endotracheal tube appears and next thing I know, it's sliding down my throat, suffocating me in the process. And let me tell you, this parts feels like it lasts forever, although it can't be more than five seconds. Why did I refuse medication again? This kinda makes me want to pass out. Never thought I'd say that.

I can't breathe. At all.

"It's okay, buddy. You're okay" Will's voice appears again. God, this must be torture for him to watch. This was so selfish of me-

All of a sudden, the tube's in place and I gasp. I can hear Rhodes say something like 'I'm in', before air is pushed into my sore lungs again. Once. Twice. Thank god, I can breathe again.

"It's okay, it's done" Will says, rubbing his hand over my chest to soothe my heaving lungs. "Just, relax, it's all over."

"I'm gonna connect the ventilator now, alright?" Rhodes announces, before the air is cut off once again. The ambu bag is replaced with a long tube, leading towards the life support machine standing next to my bed. Air appears again, but this time it doesn't make me feel good. No. On the contrary. The machine shoves way to much air into my lungs. It's not a nice feeling whatsoever, so I subconsciously try to spit the tube out. Once that doesn't work, I lift my free hand to try and pull it out.

"No, no, no. Don't do that" Will says, grabbing both of my hands firmly, making it impossible for me to move. "I know that it hurts, but you can't touch it."

Rhodes appears with a piece of medical tape and secures the tube in place. The air is still just as harsh as before. And I'm still resisting it.

"Stop fighting it, Jay. You'll only make it worse" Will says, obviously aware of the fact that I'm gagging and coughing. "Let it do the work for you."

So I try to listen to my brother and relax. It doesn't work right away, but after some time, I can calm down a little.

Will speaks up again, his voice as soft and kind as if he were talking to a five year old "That's it, buddy, you're doing great."

I squeeze both of his hands in response, since that's about all the strength I have at this point.

"Can you open your eyes for me, buddy?" Rhodes asks. Wait. When did I close them? God, I'm so out of it. This is exhausting.

"Jay? Can you open your eyes?" Will asks, with a concerned tone. I realize I never reacted to Rhodes's question. Will must think something's wrong. Okay, I can do this. I try my hardest to blink, and after a bit of struggling, I succeed.

"Good, that's good" Rhodes says, staring at the heart monitor.

"You okay?" Will asks, trying to get my attention. I look him in the eyes and blink twice, earning a relieved smile from him.

"Your stats are looking good" Rhodes announces to both my brother and I "Why don't you try to get some rest? You must be exhausted."

It's true. I am. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm afraid. I glance over at Will who apparently gets the message.

"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere" he comforts me. "I'll keep an eye on you. Rest up."

I squeeze his hand, too exhausted to keep my eyes open any longer. The fact that I've just spent two hours struggling to catch a breath made me extremely tired. I gotta admit, not having to worry about inhaling every five seconds is kind of nice. I close my eyes and let my body relax. I drift off to sleep with the sound of a machine breathing for me.

**Al's P.O.V.**

I get a call from Voight in the middle of the night. He almost scares me to death as I immediately jump to the worst conclusions. Once he reassures me that both Adam and Jay are alive, I relax and actually start paying attention to what he's saying.

"I need your help."

"With what?" I wonder, pretty much confused.

"Your partner."

Oh. This is about Adam. "I'm on my way" I answer immediately, already putting on my jacket and grabbing the car keys.

Twenty minutes later, I'm standing in Voight's driveway. I'm guessing he's stuck in traffic as there's no sign of his car. After ten more minutes they finally arrive. I immediately rush towards the passenger door and throw it open, only to reveal a pale and unresponsive Adam.

"What happened?" I ask, addressing the question to Voight. He fills me in on what happened in the past couple of hours. Everything from the nightmare, to Jay's respiratory distress, to getting kicked out of the hospital.

"He was screaming his heart out, refusing to leave, until we reached the car. Then, he fell silent and hasn't said a word since. I'm starting to think he's catatonic" Voight quickly finishes the brief explanation as to why my partner's looking like this.

"Okay, let's get him inside" I suggest, Voight already at my side and helping me pull Adam to his feet. To my surprise, he doesn't resist. Although that's not necessarily a good thing. We lead him into the house and then… all hell breaks loose.

He shoves us away and starts screaming something neither of us can understand. I'm only able to catch a few words. Most of them are Jay and fault. We try to get him to calm down in any possible way we can think of, but it's no use. He doesn't hear us.

He starts smashing everything that he can lay his hands on, so we have no other choice than to tackle him and pin him to the floor. The two of us barely manage to keep him still.

"He's gonna hurt himself" Voight says the exact thing that's on my mind. It's true. Adam's having some sort of a breakdown, which was probably brought on by a panic attack. I reach into the inside pocket of my jacket and pull out a syringe. Voight shoots me a shocked look, which I decide to ignore and push the needle into Adam's tight. His screams turn into groans and his body goes lax almost immediately. He's out before you can say Jack Robinson.

"Where'd you get that?" Voight asks, refering to the sedatives, as we both let go of Adam and stand up. I take my time before answering, occupying myself with helping Voight lift Adam onto the couch.

"I always keep them on me, mostly because of Jay." Based on the puzzled look on voice face, he doesn't quite understand what I mean. "You never know what's gonna trigger PTSD… I have them just in case."

Voight accepts that as a good enough reason to keep sedatives in your pocket and gives me a nod. "Now we wait."

It's my turn to nod now. Now we wait and hope for the best, although that almost never happens.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

It's been a few hours since I've been put on a ventilator, and I'm not hating it as much as I thought I would be. Don't get me wrong, I don't like it whatsoever, but being on it is possible to survive. At least for now.

Every time I try to swallow, I make myself gag, and Will has to be the one to help me calm down. I really don't know how I'd survive without him. I'm also ridiculously thirsty and it hasn't even been ten hours. I don't know how I'm gonna last 24 or more. My throat's also starting to hurt quite a bit and the pain radiating from my chest isn't getting any better, I'm alive though, so I guess I should be thankful.

I've been sleeping a lot. I don't know why I'm so tired, but I tend to doze off after being awake for more than an hour at a time. I can't sleep for long periods of time though, as the tube in my throat makes me gag every time I move. I was also told that I needed to be put on antibiotics to reduce the chance of developing an infection. Apparently, that's extremely common in cases like mine. So now, there are two IVs connected to my arm. One is supplying me with fluids, the other one with antibiotics.

They're trying to keep me as comfortable as they possibly can, both physically and psychologically. A physical therapist came to help me do some exercises in order to prevent me from losing too much strength. As for the psychological part, I'm never left alone. Will's by my side almost all the time, while nurses and doctors are constantly in and out of my room.

Once the first 24 hours pass, Will tells me that the swelling hasn't reduced yet, therefore I'll have to be on this machine for at least 12 more hours. He quickly adds that I'm very likely to be on it for 72 hours, because the ARDS I'm experiencing is much worse than they initially thought. Brilliant.

Right now, my team's here, so Will was able to get some proper food and take a shower. I don't exactly feel like talking to anyone, because I'm tired and my mind's starting to get a bit fuzzy. They seem to be very talkative though, so I try my best to cooperate. I immediately notice that Adam and Voight are missing, which is very surprising, since they'd refused to leave the hospital in the first place.

I can sense that something's not right, so I decide to ask. I write _Adam_ on my whiteboard and hold it up for everyone to see. At first, no one responds, but then Al finally speaks up.

"He's worried about you" he says, before stopping abruptly. Since he didn't answer my question at all, I write a question mark on the board and make an annoyed face, forcing him to continue.

"He's blaming himself for what happened to you. And the fact that you're stuck in the ICU, fully dependent on a machine, isn't helping" he says, before pausing again. "Voight's keeping an eye on him."

Okay, that explains why Voight's not here, but I have a feeling they're keeping something from me. I need to know, so I write down another question.

_What happened?_

"How about we worry about you for now? You're the one laying in a hospital bed" Olinsky tries to transfer my attention to something else, but I'm not having it. I add two more question marks to the end of the question, expressing my impatience. Dawson's the one to crack under pressure.

"He had a panic attack." What?! Why? Because of me? "They had to sedate him." Damn it, Ruzek. Why are you doing this to yourself?

Nobody says anything after that. About five minutes later Will walks in, so Al stands up and motions for everyone to do the same. "You should get some rest" he advises me.

I quickly scribble some words on the whiteboard, shoving it into Al's hands.

_I wanna see him._

Al sighs, before looking back at me "I'll see what I can do, kid." He squeezes my hand before leaving and says "Hang in there, kid."

hree hours later, true to Al's words, Voight and Adam walk through the door of my room. I immediately notice how pale Adam is in contrast to the black bags under his eyes. He looks as if he's about to collapse. Will gets up and announces that he's going to go get a cup of coffee, before looking at me for approval. I blink twice, so he leaves. Voight just about shoves Adam towards me and pushes him into a chair.

"Hey, kid" Voight greets me, so I write a very wobbly _hey_ on my whiteboard. And that's when all of a sudden, without a warning, Adam starts crying.

"I'm so sorry, Jay. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I-" he blurts out in between sobs. "I wish there was something I could do." What the hell's he saying? It's ridiculous.

_Not your fault._

"No, Jay. It _is_ my fault. All of it" he continues, completely ignoring me. Man, I wish I could talk right now, so I could tell him off for saying this. "I should be the one laying in a hospital bed, not you. I should be the one suffering-"

"Adam, stop" Voight warns him, apparently noticing that Adam's breakdown is causing me to freak out as well. My heartbeat is faster than it's supposed to be, and the ventilator is starting to cause me trouble. You see, whenever you're upset, you start breathing faster, which is obviously impossible when a machine's breathing for you. Therefore, my inhales and the machine's inhales become out of sync, causing me to start choking.

"Adam, stop it right now. This isn't your fault" Voight tries once again, but is interrupted by an alarm from my heart monitor. He immediately transfers all his attention to me, grabbing one of my hands. "Jay? What's wrong?" He gives me a once over and immediately realizes that I'm panicking. "Calm down. It's okay. Don't fight the vent, let it breathe for you." I try to wiggle out of his firm grip and look at Adam, but thanks to my weakened body, I don't succeed. "Breathe, Jay. Breathe" Voight encourages me, glancing from me to the heart monitor and back.

I give up on trying to see what's happening to Adam, and start concentrating on my breathing. After about a minute of torturous struggling, I manage to match my breathing to the machine.

"That's it. There you go, kid" Voight says and exhales in relief. "You good?"

I blink twice and close my eyes. My head feels like it's about to explode and I can't think straight. My chest feels like an elephant's sitting on it and the air being pushed into my lungs feels like sand. I'm in agony.

"Jay? You with me?" Voight asks, squeezing my biceps, before placing one of my hands on my forehead and gasping a little "Jesus, Jay. You're burning up. I'm gonna go get Will." He briefly turns his attention to the other detective in the room "Adam! Pull it together."

He wipes away his tears and stands up, while Voight puts my hand into Adam's and adds "I'll be right back" before he rushes out of my room.

I realize that Adam's saying something, but I can't seem to understand a word of it. Everything's starting to get blurry and I notice a really annoying alarm going off next to me. Seconds later, my brother appears in my line of sight.

"Jay?!" he asks, before looking at the heart monitor. "Damn it. Jay, can you hear me?" I really wanna answer him, but what was the sign for yes again? One or two blinks? I can't remember. I can see Will slam a button behind my head, before ordering Adam and Voight to leave the room. What's happening? What's going on?

"Deep breaths, Jay. Deep breaths."

**Will's P.O.V.**

Damn it. How did I not notice this?

I am well aware of the fact that I'm completely useless as a doctor at the moment. My only worry is my little brother who's half way passed out in front of my eyes. Luckily, Rhodes rushes in, saving me from having to be productive and letting me be the worried brother I want to be.

"What happened?" he asks.

"His fever spiked to 103 degrees" I blurt out, still not quite following the rapid turn of events. I've only been gone for about ten minutes, How could this happen so quickly?

"He must've developed an infection" Rhodes voices my thoughts, before ordering full bloodwork. "His stats are dropping" he announces. I glance at the monitors again and notice a flashing red light next to the number 63. Damn it. His oxygen levels are too low. I notice Rhodes change the settings of the ventilator, before looking at me. "Will, talk to him! Keep him awake."

Right. Jay. I turn my attention to my brother and say anything that comes to my mind as it seems to calm down both Jay and I. Wanting to feel useful, I look back at the monitors, trying to figure out how to help Jay, though I never stop talking to him.

I share a look with Rhodes and realize what's about to happen.

He mouths two words to me. _I'm sorry._ And then he rushes out of the room to get everything needed. Sometimes, being a doctor really sucks. For example, now. I can't fool myself into being optimistic. I take hold of both of Jay's hands and squeeze them.

"Jay, look at me" it takes him a couple of seconds, but he eventually does. Good, he's still conscious enough to follow simple directions. "The mechanical ventilation isn't supplying you with enough oxygen. Do you understand?" He blinks twice. "Good. I need you to stay calm, okay? We're gonna have to place you on something called ECMO, which will help oxygenate your body. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He blinks twice again. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what an ECMO is, but at this point, I don't think it matters, so I decide to leave that part out. "I know I promised no drugs, but we're gonna have to sedate you." Suddenly, he starts kicking around, obviously not happy about what I just said. "I know, Jay. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we don't have a choice." He's still trashing around and his hearbeat gets even faster than it already was. "It's the only way, Jay. You can't be awake while you're on ECMO." He needs to stop freaking out, before he hurts himself. "Try to relax for me, buddy. You're gonna be okay."

He doesn't calm down.

His oxygen levels have now dropped down to 54, which means that he probably doesn't understand a word I'm saying. I don't bother explaining the procedure to him. Instead, I keep a flow of soothing words going until Rhodes returns with a couple of nurses, who immediately start prepping Jay for the procedure. Rhodes grabs a needle filled with sedative and pushes it into Jay's IV line.

"You're gonna be okay, Jay. Just relax. I'll be right here when you wake up." All I can do now, is hope that he does.

That's when the sedative's kick in and Jay's eyes slip shut.

_To be continued…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank god, I survived writing this chapter. How did I come up with such a horrible story? Is it just me or am I a really mean person? Poor Jay. I kinda feel sorry for doing this to him…
> 
> This chapter was kind of all over the place with emotions and actual facts, so I really hope it made sense to you (sometimes, I write things in a manner that no one but me understands).
> 
> Again, I'm sorry for the cliffhanger. Some of you like cliffhangers, some of you don't… I can't say I hate them, so I tend to finish chapters with cliffhangers, even if I don't intend to XD


	11. Huston, we have a problem - part 6

**Will's P.O.V.**

It's been the longest twelve days of my life.

Or fourteen, actually. Jay was missing for the first few, which drove me out of my mind. Luckily, both him and Adam were found more or less unharmed. Or so we thought.

I can clearly remember the moment I got a call from Voight, telling me that they had found my brother and that he was alive. I was told that he was being treated at the nearest hospital, which didn't really make me feel any calmer, as I wanted to see him with my own eyes and make sure he was okay. But I had no say in the matter. I was at work, so there was no way for me to just get into the car and drive myself to Milwaukee.

To no one's surprise, Jay discharged himself from hospital only a few hours after being found, which was obviously a stupid idea. Not to mention how dangerous it was. Luckily, Voight had offered to take care of Jay, until I was able to come pick him up, so at least I knew he was in good hands. I was able to calm down a little, until I got _another_ call from Voight. Except this time, his voice wasn't as calm and collected as it normally is. No. This time, he sounded scared. As in actually freaked out. Do you have any idea what it takes to scare Voight? Right, I don't either. Up till then, I had never seen him scared. Ever.

Everything happened so fast. Apparently, one minute my brother was sound asleep at Voight's house, and the next, I was dragging him out of Voight's car, because he could barely breathe. A couple of hours later, he was put on a ventilator for 72 hours tops. Or so I thought. To make this whole thing a little harder, Jay decided to refuse any type of medication, as if being intubated wasn't enough of a torturous act. Watching him gag and suffocate around the tube in his trachea for hours was horrible, but wondering why Jay had refused the sedatives in the first place, was even worse. The reason had to be psychological, which meant it was something that _I_ couldn't heal. And that little bit of information was _killing_ me.

Another 28 hours later, Jay started crashing, so we had no other choice but to sedate him against his will and put him on ECMO. Let me point out that ECMO is usually used as a last resort. That tiny little fact keeps me from sleeping at night, if you know what I mean…

It's been more than a week since then, and I find myself sitting in a chair beside my brother's bed once again, wondering how the hell I'm going to survive in case he doesn't.

You see, patients are usually put on ECMO for eight to ten days. Their condition either improves, or they die. That is in most of the cases anyway. Jay, on the other hand, has always been something special, and this time, it's no different. His condition has barely improved over the past ten days, but on the bright side, it hasn't gotten worse either. It almost seems like he's stuck in the same spot, unable to choose which path to take – life or death.

We're keeping him in an induced coma until he can be taken off of the ECMO machine. That's actually a good thing, since he's also receiving paralytics as he needs to stay completely still for safety reasons. Can you imagine how freaked out Jay would be if he was aware of not being able to move? Yeah… that wouldn't be pretty.

I was sort of calm the first three or four days of him being on ECMO. I have to admit it was kind of nice to finally see him sleep peacefully after watching him fight the ventilator for 28 hours. After that, I was starting to get worried. He wasn't getting any better, and now, 10 days after being put on life support, he's still exactly the same. If his condition doesn't improve over the next three or four days, he might need a lung transplant, and the odds of getting one of those on such a short notice aren't exactly great. So yes, by now I'm worried sick.

**Will's P.O.V**

On the thirteenth day of being on ECMO, Jay's condition improved overnight. It was almost like a miracle. His stats started coming up all of a sudden, so we decided it was time to start weaning him off of the machine. So here I am, standing directly in front of Jay's room (only because he isn't aloud more than two visitors at a time to prevent infection), explaining the procedure Jay's about to undergo to his team.

"After he's off the ECMO, he's still gonna need to be ventilated" I explain to the worried, but relieved faces in front of me. "As we reduce the support of the ECMO machine, the support of the ventilator will need to be increased." I explain the whole process to Jay's team, not really bothering to use any emotions. After I'm done with my terrible monologue, we go our separate ways. I walk back into Jay's room, while they stay outside and stare at us through the glass.

My coworkers decided not to bother trying to get me to leave Jay's room for more than five minutes, as there's really no point. I'm never letting him out of my sight again. Rhodes and a couple of nurses are going to do the procedure instead of me, but as long as they let me stay with my brother I'm totally fine with it.

The next hour is more of a blur than anything else. All the tubes connected to Jay's veins, transporting blood from his body to the ECMO and back, are disconnected. The veins are stitched back up, while Jay's stats are carefully monitored.

"Come on, stay up" I say, referring to Jay's stats. If they start dropping again, he's gonna be in real trouble, that's for sure.

The seconds drag and ten seconds later, his oxygen levels are still at 96. "That's it, Jay. Keep going" I coax my brother, even though none of this is the result of his work. He's still deeply sedated and completely unaware of all of this. Another twenty seconds later the stats are still the same.

"Okay, we're good" Rhodes announces happily. "Will, breathe" he says putting a hand on my shoulder, informing me of the fact that I've been holding my breath for quite a while. "He's okay for now. He's holding his own." I exhale in relief, letting out a tiny little laugh. Thank god.

"I'm gonna go deliver the good news to his team" Rhodes continues. "Stay with him. He's not out of the woods yet, but he's one step closer. Talk to him. He's gonna need you more than ever."

Trust me, Rhodes, I'm aware of that.

I fall into the closest chair, grabbing one of my brother's hands and start talking about anything I can think of, not really paying attention to my own words, too occupied with scary thoughts.

You see, another thing I am also aware of is the fact that Jay tends to block people out whenever he feels vulnerable, and right now that worries me. A lot.

**Will's P.O.V.**

I've been in the exact same spot for the past 14 hours. Rhodes has been checking on both Jay and I every two hours, probably just as anxious as me. Just as I'm about start telling Jay about the time we went to our first baseball game, Rhodes walks in once again.

"Hey, Will" he states, checking on the heart monitor, which I decided to stop doing a couple of hours ago, after I drove myself crazy by glancing at it every few minutes, hoping to see some change.

"How's he doing?" I ignore his greeting, only worried about Jay.

"Same as before, which is good" he says with a smile before sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the bed. "There's something I wanna discuss with you."

I finally look at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm sure it's already crossed your mind, but I'm afraid we can no longer put the decision off."

I immediately know what he's talking about, but that doesn't mean it scares me any less. The thought has been hunting me for days.

Jay has been on the ventilator for so long that the weaning process is going to be rather long and difficult for him. Since he needs to be awake for that whole part, having an endotracheal tube stuck in his throat would be extremely uncomfortable for him. So once again, I'm stuck between being a good doctor and a good brother. I know what Jay would say about this, but the decision isn't as easy for me. I know he'd try avoiding medical procedures at any cost, I just can't see him in any more pain.

I look back at Jay, trying to make sure I'm making the right decision, although I guess I'll never know for sure, and give Rhodes a nod.

"Trache him."

**Al's P.O.V.**

"It's called a tracheotomy. We're gonna make a small incision into his neck and put a tube directly into his trachea to help him breathe" Will explains briefly, even though he doesn't tell me anything I didn't know before.

Damn it, kid. A tracheotomy? How did we get here, huh?

"Wait" Adam says after a while, clearly completely confused and probably freaked out a little. "Isn't the tube he's on now doing exactly the same thing? Why does he need a new one?" I have to admit, he does have a point.

"Yes, the endotracheal tube has the same purpose as the tracheotomy one, but Jay will be much more comfortable with the second one as it won't irritate him as much." Will explains, his voice completely flat. I can tell that watching Jay on the verge of death is really taking it's toll on Will.

I am no doctor, but I do know some things. For example, I know that being intubated for more than a few days comes with its risks. Given that Jay's been on a vent for almost two weeks that isn't exactly a good thing. And it's not like he's gonna be able to breathe on his own the minute he wakes up either. It was only a matter of time, before the doctors suggested a tracheotomy.

Let me explain why. Having a tube inserted through your neck instead of your mouth avoids the pleasant thing called gag reflex, which makes you gag all the time. The obvious consequence of that is that you don't need to be fully sedated, which is a blessing in Jay's case as he really needs to be woken up as soon as possible to avoid further complication. Another benefit is that some patients are actually able to talk while being on a vent, which might be a good thing from a psychological perspective, but that's a whole different story.

**Will's P.O.V.**

Two hours, a simple procedure and a couple of scans later, I'm back in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to Jay's bed, except this time, Jay's mouth isn't occupied by an invasive tube anymore. The tube sneaking into his neck doesn't look any less painful, though. If anything it looks even more intimidating than the ET one.

For god's sake, I'm a doctor. I should be good with things like this, instead I've stopped counting the times I've lost my mind in the past two weeks. Lucky for me, Dr. Charles was always there to force me to calm down. I gotta admit, he knows how to deal with agitated patients and their scared families. I'll never say this out loud, but I really am thankful I have my colleagues to lean on. I don't know where I'd be without them.

Probably in prison for assaulting a random person who happened to get in my way during one of my breakdowns. Or something like that.

Man, I wish this nightmare would be over soon. I don't know how much longer I can take.

**Will's P.O.V.**

I got my wish.

It's been another two days since the tracheotomy and we're finally reducing the sedation and letting Jay wake up. I'm so thankful that I have a good chance of getting my brother back, but that doesn't mean I'm not incredibly worried. Based on the severity of Jay's injuries, I most likely won't get him back in one piece. I just hope all of the pieces find their way back to each other eventually.

Jay's in for a lot of challenges. Waking him up is going to be a slow and gradual process, and once he does wake up, he'll likely be confused, agitated or even non-compliant due to the drugs. That much is common knowledge, but based on the complications, long coma, tracheotomy and his psychological condition before he was sedated… I'm afraid of what's gonna happen once he wakes up.

To be continued…


	12. Huston, we have a problem - part 7

**Will _Jay's_ P.O.V.**

**(Just to clear up any possible confusion; the parts written in _italic text_ are Jay's thoughts, while the others are Will's – hope this makes sense)**

"Finally" I gasp, jumping up from the uncomfortable plastic chair I've been keeping occupied for the past seventeen days. I was starting to think Jay wasn't gonna wake up anytime soon, until I finally noticed a spike in his heartbeat.

I immediately grab one of my brother's hands, and squeeze it tigtly, hoping to get a squeeze in return. It doesn't happen though, so I try using words. "Jay?" Sadly, there's no reaction. "Can you hear me, buddy?" No. Still nothing. "Jay? You with me?"

I decide to look at this from a medical perspective and study the monitors for a while. His oxygen levels and blood pressure are within normal range, which is really good, he isn't triggering the vent though. The only thing that keeps throwing me off is the unexplained excitement of his heartbeat.

I reach inside my pocket and pull out the penlight to check his pupils. Maybe he's just dreaming.

_Something terribly bright shines into my left eye. What the heck? What is that? And then my right eyelid is forced open and the light appears once again. It makes my head hurt. Now that I think about it, everything's kinda achy. I want to move and find a more comfortable position to sleep in, but I'm just too tired to care._

Good, his pupils are equal and responsive, which is a good sign, though I'm a little worried about the fact that Jay has yet to respond to my yells.

"Jay, can you hear me? Jay!" Still nothing.

_What's that noise? Something extremely annoying keeps making my headache even worse than it was before. It's almost like someone's confused me for a nail and is slamming my head with a hammer. I wish there was something I could do to stop them._

_Well duh, it must be my alarm clock. I'm so stupid._

_Wait, how can it be morning already? I'm sooo tired. Hang on, let me turn put it on snooze for another seven minutes. Missing one of my morning jogs won't kill me, right?_

Rhodes rushes in, having noticed the change in my brother's heartbeat. "Halstead? What's happening?" He runs over to the other side of Jay, carefully observing all the monitors.

"I think he's waking up" I supply, not exactly helping with the examination.

_I try to reach over to my nightstand, when I realize something terrifying, making my chest cramp up in the process. What's going on?! Why the hell can't I move?! I try to move my hands and feet again, but they don't budge. On second thought, they probably aren't moving because I can't actually feel them. Am I paralyzed?! What the heck? Where am I?_

I glance over at the heart monitor again only to realize that Jay's heart is racing _way_ to fast, however I can't seem to be able to pinpoint the cause for his erratic heartbeat. I'm starting to freak out a bit, before I finally realize what's happening. Jay's panicking over something, which is kinda good because it means he's aware of this world, even though it might only be a dream. Well, a nightmare is better than a coma, so I'll take it.

The next thing I realize is that he's not moving. At all.

That's strange. The only _actual_ sign that he's awake is the drastic change in his heartbeat.

Oh my god.

The paralytics must still be in his system. He can't open his eyes, or squeeze my hand, or start trashing around... Being paralyzed or unable to move for whatever reason is very likely Jay's worst fear. He must be so scared. I need to calm him down right now, so I start talking agains.

"Jay, listen to me. It's okay. You're not paralyzed. I promise. If you can hear me, try to calm down, buddy" I instruct him, though he doesn't calm down at all.

_What the heck? I should really try to figure out what's causing my paralysis, but honestly, I'm way too tired to put up with this, so I let the darkness take me._

Jay's heartbeat evens out again, which means he's either asleep or unconscious again. Well, that went well. I now know absolutely nothing that I didn't know an hour ago considering my brother's condition. Brilliant. That's a soothing thought. Either way, Jay finally seems to be at peace, so I can't complain.

I settle myself into the plastic chair once again and start counting the seconds, minutes and hours to keep myself occupied.

**Jay's P.O.V**

I'm confused.

My mind's all fuzzy, and the world seems kind of distant. It's almost like all of my senses are missing. I can't see. I can't hear. Everything feels numb.

Let me rephrase that. Everything feels numb, except for this strange feeling that I have in my throat, though I can't quite figure out what's causing it. I move my hand to try and touch my neck, only to realize something's holding it down. What's going on? Where am I?! I need to open my eyes and _look_ , but no matter how hard I try, I can't force my eyelids to listen to my commands. Okay, different tactics. What's the last thing I remember?

Oh my god.

Am I still in that freaking horrible basement?! I must've passed out from the waterboar-. Wait a second. Am I dead?! What the he-

"Jay?" a familiar voice interrupts my thoughts, but I can't quite remember whose face it belongs to. "Kid, can you hear me?" Okay, that narrows things down a bit. The only two people who call me _kid_ are Al and Voight. Hang on… Does this mean the whole team's been captured? Or have they finally found us? Oh god, where's Adam? "Jay, open your eyes if you can hear me."

Right. The eyes. I forgot about that.

I try to instruct my eyes to open again, and this time it actually works. A second later, I'm blinded by an annoyingly white and bright lighting. Ouch. That hurt. My whole body feels like it has a mind of it's own, so I don't manage to cover my eyes and shield myself from this painful light, and to be honest I'm starting to freak out a little.

"Hey, hey, relax buddy. Just relax. You're okay" the person, who I've now successfully identified as Al, tries his best to calm me down, though he doesn't quite succeed. I open my eyes again and glance down at my hands, trying to figure out what's restricting my movement, immediately noticing soft restraints on both of my wrists.

What the hell do they think they're doing?! Restraining me?! That's messed up. I gotta get out of here. I try to sit up, only to be pushed back on my back by two strong hands.

"No, don't try to move, Jay. Just relax, while I go get your brother okay?"

How the hell am I supposed to relax?! My hands are restrained! As in 'someone dared to tie me down against my will'.

"Stay calm, okay? I'll be right back" Al states and just about runs out of the room, leaving me to struggle against the restraints on my own. I keep trashing around for what seems like forever to me, achieving absolutely nothing. Actually never mind, I manage to make myself _sore_ , so that's awesome.

Will suddenly rushes in, with an extremely excited expression on his face.

"Jay! You're awake" he states, before whispering to himself "Finally."

What does he mean by finally? What's happened? Am I missing something? Now I _really_ need to get out of here.

He walks over to me with big steps, and squeezes my shoulders, trying to get me to look at him.

"Jay? Hey, hey, Jay, relax. You're okay, buddy" he tries to get me to calm down. Well guess what, Will? I'm too busy freaking out! "Can you look at me, Jay?"

What's he talking about? Of course I can look at him. I'm awake aren't I?! It's a good thing I'm the detective of the family, cuz he's not acting so smart right now.

"Jay? Can you hear me?"

Oh, right. I never actually made eye contact with him. Right, give me a sec.

There we go.

I manage to look at him.

"Good, that's good, buddy" he looks relieved. "Don't try to talk, okay? Blink twice for yes, once for no, okay?"

Why can't I speak? You know what, whatever. I can blink if that's what he wants.

"Are you in pain?"

I scrunch my face up, thinking about what to answer, but he cuts me off before I can collect my thoughts and form the correct answer.

"On a scale of 1 to 10 is it worse than a 7?"

Is he kidding? I wasn't hit by a bus or anything. I blink once.

"Good" he exhales in relief, before continuing. "I'll give you something for the pain in a few minutes, okay? I just have to check some things first."

Two blinks. I can wait a few minutes if I need to. Wait. What does he need to check? Is something else wrong? I desperately want to ask, but I suddenly remember him telling me not to talk, so I decide to stay quiet. At least for now.

He focuses on the monitors around me for a while, before turning his attention back at me.

"Do you know where you are?"

Duh, this is obviously Chicago Med. So I blink twice.

"Do you remember what happened?

I'm not sure what to answer to this question. I mean, yes, I remember being kidnapped and the whole drowning ordeal, but I have a feeling there's more to the story. I decide that the correct answer is neither a yes or a no, therefore, I shrug my shoulders and hope Will understands what I mean.

"Alright, give me a sec" he responds, before grabbing a white board from my nightstand and passing it to me. He puts a sharpie in my right hand (which is still very much restrained) and holds the white board for me. "You think you can manage to write down the last thing you remember?"

I decide not to go crazy about the restraints, since trashing around probably wouldn't achieve much, and write down the last thing that comes to mind.

_Water._

Will reads it out, before giving me a concerned look. "You mean waterboarding?"

No, dumb-ass. I mean the time we went to the local pool when I was about eight years old. Of course I mean waterboarding.

Alright, Jay, stay calm.

I blink twice.

"Nothing after that?" Will wonders, hoping to get two blinks in response.

I'm pretty sure I passed out sometime during that, so I'm not sure which answer he's looking for here… I blink once.

"Okay" he says, taking a deep breath. "You're suffering from what's called secondary drowning." He takes a long pause, waiting to see if I remember anything. I don't though. "Voight brought you here and you had to be put on a ventilator to help you breathe." Wait what? What ventilator? Thank god I was asleep for that part-

Hang on.

Suddenly, it all clicks to me. I remember feeling like I can't breathe. And I remember Voight and Adam's freaked out faces. I also remember Will telling me that I need to be put on a vent. And I specifically remember refusing sedation. So why the hell was I asleep?!

The blood in my vanes is starting to boil and I suddenly feel like screaming and hitting things.

"There were some complications and you needed to be put on ECMO" Will continues his explanation, even though I don't need it anymore. I can remember everything. "We had no choice but to sedate you."

Right. Sure you did. You could've, I don't know, respected my wishes! I'm seriously starting to lose it.

"You've been in an induced coma for quite a while, which is why you also have a feeding tube in place" he adds, pissing me off even more. "Jay? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I look at him angrily, which visibly scares him. He glances at the floor, before continuing carefully. "There's another thing..."

Oh my god, what now? Did they have to cut a leg off too?! Or maybe both of my legs?!

"You've been on the vent for over two weeks. That means that you're at greater risk for infection such as pneumonia." Great, that's just what I need at this point. "In order to help prevent that, we did a tracheotomy."

WHAT?! They did what?!

I would've strangled him if it weren't for the stupid restraints, which prevented me from moving very far. They don't stop me from trashing around though. I keep yanking at them violently, which Will misinterprets as me asking about what they're doing around my wrists in the first place. "The soft restraints on your hands were just to make sure you didn't pull anything out when you woke up" he explains, though I don't stop. "I can take them off now."

I shoot daggers at him again, so he quickly unbuckles both straps, with an apologetic expression on his face, letting me free. Finally.

"Try to keep still, okay?" he warns me, but I don't listen. I'm just about ready to jump out of this stupid bed and strangle somebody. He puts a hand on my shoulders, which causes me to go over the edge.

_Get off me! Get the hell off me before I punch you in the face!_

That's what I would've screamed at my brother _if_ I could actually talk. Instead, I just push his hand away from me and give him the nastiest look I can manage.

He understands what I'm doing and excuses himself, saying he needs to go get something, when in reality, he's just giving me time to think and calm down a bit. Just when he's about to leave the room he adds "I'll be right back, okay?"

Whatever. By the time he returns, I may not be here. Not if there's something I can do about it.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

Sadly, Will's back at my side, before I can do anything efficient to end my misery. He's giving me a once over with a clearly worried expression plastered on his face. I can't find it in me to care though. This is all _his_ fault.

"-ou listening to me, Jay?" Will asks, clearly noticing the fact that I wasn't paying attention anymore, so I make eye contact with him, only to show him that he can keep talking if he wants to. "Good. Once the sedation clears out, we can start weaning you off the vent, okay?" Yeah, yeah, whatever. We both know that I'm never coming off this stupid thing and that I'm gonna be a vegetable for the rest of my miserable life. There's really no point in lying to me.

"I know you're tired, Jay" Will speaks up again, desperately trying to get me in a better mood. "And the coma did a toll on your body, so try to rest as much as possible, okay?" I don't bother replying, because I can't speak anyway. As if he was able to read my mind, he speaks up again. "If you want to say something, you can try to mouth the words. Most of us can lipread."

If I want to say something? Yeah, like what? Thank you for making me a vegetable?! Thank you for saving my life, so I can spend the rest of it unable to breathe on my own?! Thank you for not being there for me _again_ , just like the time I came home from Afghanistan?!

Yeah, I don't think so.

**Will's P.O.V.**

I notice my brother's pulse spike again. "Are you okay?" I ask carefully, hoping not to agitate him even more. I know that this is hard on him, but the only way he's gonna get better is if he actually _tries_. Otherwise, we're all wasting our time.

Once again, he doesn't acknowledge my question, just like he dodged every single comment I've made in the past hour. He simply keeps staring at the wall, pretending that I don't exist. At least I hope he's only pretending.

I decide not to bother trying to get him to communicate as there really is no point. He's as stubborn as a human being can get. He won't express his thoughts until _he_ wants to, so I decide to change the subject and hope for the best.

"If you're able to tolerate sips of water or crushed ice, you should take some. It'll soothe your throat and help you feel more comfortable." He keeps staring, so I take the cup filled with ice chips from his nightstand and step closer to my brother. I put some ice on the spoon and hold it in front of Jay's mouth. "Jay?" He doesn't react, so I try begging. "Jay, please take some." I can't even get him to open his mouth or look at me, let alone try swallowing something that could possibly make him nauseous. I can't get him to communicate with me no matter how hard I try, but I'm not giving up on him. He's my brother. I'm _never_ giving up on him. "Jay, please, let me help yo-"

Before I can finish the sentence, Jay goes frantic. He slams my hand away from his face, before full on shoving me away from the bed. I stumble back and almost fall, before I miraculously manage to catch myself on the wall.

What the hell just happened?

I am too shocked to react. I can only watch as my brother yanks the tubes he's connected to out of his body one after the other. The first ones to go are the IVs, next follows the tube connecting his tracheal tube to the ventilator. Luckily, the alarms go off almost immediately, alerting the nurses that something's up. Just as Jay's about to pull out his feeding tube, Rhodes bursts through the door.

"Will?! What's going on in here?" he shouts, running over to my brother's side. "Hey! Stop it!" he tries to calm his patient down unsuccessfully. Jay keeps trashing around uncontrollably, making his body use up all of the oxygen he had left in his lungs. I notice the oxygen saturation drop to 90, which makes my chest clench up, however I am still completely frozen in place.

All of a sudden, Choi, who must have heard all of the commotion, appears on the other side of my brother's bed, assisting Rhodes. They somehow manage to pin Jay down, before he causes himself any more damage. The red, flashing number now reads 83.

"We need to knock him out before he injures himself" Choi voices everyone's thoughts.

Rhodes nods in agreement before instructing a nurse to go get him a sedative.

I finally snap out of my trans and dash over to my brother, hoping to calm him down before they have to sedate him again.

"Jay, buddy, listen to me. You need to calm down, okay?" He doesn't react in the slightest. I notice tears streaming down his face, which makes me want to cry as well. "I know it's hard, buddy, but you need to relax."

The trashing around doesn't stop, so I grab hold of Jay's shoulders, pinning him to the bed, and just about start screaming in my brother's face.

"Jay, that's enough! Snap out of it!"

Choi reaches over for the ventilator tube, which has yet to be reconnected with the tracheal tube. I allow myself a quick glance at the scary red number, which reads 67. Damn it. I have to get him to calm down before he passes out.

"Jay!" I scream, just as Choi successfully reconnects the tubes, and my brother's chest starts rising and falling once again. Even without looking, I _know_ that Choi's manually bagging my brother, trying to hyperventilate him in order to get the oxygen levels up as fast as possible.

"There's too much resistance" he says just loud enough for me to hear him. Damn it. This means Jay's still fighting him, refusing to breathe.

"Alright, push the sedatives" Rhodes instructs the nurse, which is once again standing beside him with a syringe in her hand.

"No, wait!" I beg, turning to my brother once again. "For god's sake, Jay, stop feeling sorry for yourself and listen to me!"

"Will" Rhodes warns me not to speak to Jay like that, but I know my brother better than anyone.

"No, he _needs_ to hear this" I reply, earning a questioning look from my colleague. "Jay. I know this is hard, but y-" Jay starts shaking his head violently, which makes me shut up. I am about to lose it for real. "Alright, lift him up" I instruct my colleagues, without any explanation. They don't question it and immediately help Jay into a sitting position. I wiggle myself behind his back, so that I'm straddling around him, and pull Jay into a tight hug. One of my arms is pinning both of his arms against his body, while the other rests on his heaving chest, desperately tying to offer him comfort and reduce the state of anxiety and panic.

"Jay, please listen to me. I know you're in pain and everything seems miserable right now, but you can get though this. No matter how hard it may seem." I am aware of the confused looks my colleagues are shooting me, but I don't care. I need to act like a big brother for once in my life. "I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but whatever it is, I can help you get through it. You just need to let me _try_. Everything's gonna be okay. I _promise_ you. Please, just let me help you. Tell me what's wrong."

As I'm speaking, I can hear Jay's heartbeat gradually slow down and return to normal range.

"That's it buddy. Just relax" I whisper into his ear, rubbing a hand on his chest to help soothe him. "It's okay. You're okay." I don't know who I'm trying to reassure, Jay or me, but it doesn't matter.

As long as he keeps fighting, we'll be okay.

Jay shifts in my arms, so that he's hiding his face against my chest, before he starts crying his heart out. I start rocking back and forth, hoping to help him calm down faster. It used to help him when we were kids, so maybe it'll help now as well. At least I hope it does. Don't get me wrong, Jay needs to get all the anger and fear out of him, but that doesn't mean I'm enjoying this.

After a few more minutes of sobbing, I feel him relax against my tight grip. All of the nurses eventully leave and we're left alone with my two colleagues. Choi quietly reconnects the IVs that Jay had pulled out, before excusing himself.

"You should try to get some sleep, buddy" I whisper to my brother, only to earn a panicked glance from him. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere" I reassure him and wipe away his tears. "I got you."

I keep rocking back and forth, rubbing his back with one of my hands. The tears that I've been hiding for what seems like a century are now streaming down my face. All the fear, horrifying sights, bad news and lack of sleep. It's all coming back to me. And I can't seem to fight it. So I just cry, not really caring that Rhodes's watching me.

"He's asleep" Rhodes nods to me in reassurance after a while and leaves as well, offering me some space and alone time.

I cuddle my brother for hours, offering him support and love, he desperately needs, before I wonder off myself, the exhaustion finally taking over me.

**Will's P.O.V.**

It's been four days since Jay woke up from his coma, and I'm happy to say that his condition has been improving gradually. He's able to breathe on his own during daytime, only supported by spontaneous ventilation, which is really good, however he still needs mechanical ventilation while he's resting. Just to be on the safe side. I can tel that he's still very frustrated, though I can't really blame him.

He's suffering withdrawal from the sedatives and pain meds, he's been receiving for the last couple of weeks, which is taking a toll on this psychological state. He's often irritable and anxious about the simplest things. It's hard seeing him this way and not being able to simply flick a wand and fix it.

On top of everything else, he's also suffering from serious muscular atrophy, which is why he's going to need to relearn how to do _everything_ again. Eat. Stand. Walk. He's looking at hours and hours of physical therapy, which won't be easy on him. Once he's finally taken off the vent, he might have trouble speaking, which would require additional therapy, but we'll get to that once we need to.

His whole team has been helping with the rehabilitation, especially Adam, who still seems to think everything's his fault. No matter how many times Jay's told him this is not on him, he refuses to accept it. He's been going to sessions with Dr. Charles, and I've heard they're helping him, which is really good. I can tell that seeing Adam feel better is helping Jay as well, and I honestly couldn't ask for more.

Six weeks and many ups and downs later, Jay finally gets to _walk_ out of the hospital. It's been a rough couple of months for all of us, especially my little brother, and his recovery is still far from over.

I gotta admit, I was worried about him for a second, thinking he might give up, but now… Now I know, that everything's going to be alright in the end. It has to be, otherwise it's not the end.

_The end._


	13. When "I" Is Replaced With "We"

**Jay's P.O.V.**

Not gonna lie, it's been a rough couple of weeks.

Honestly, never mind. It's been a rough couple of months… years… I don't even know. I've stopped counting.

Do you know what PTSD's like? Just when you think you've finally managed to get rid of it for good, it knocks you down even harder than the last time. Trust me, I know how it goes by now. I've had plenty of practice.

Ever since the time I kill-. See? I can't even get myself to say it. Ever since that _incident_ with the little girl, I've been spiraling into the deep waters, just waiting to finally drown and escape from my misery and guilt.

That was two months ago. It still hasn't happened. And it still hurts just as much as it did back then.

The case we're currently working on isn't exactly helping either. We're investigating a serial killer who only ever murders kids. Yes, you heard me right. Kids. This world is so messed up. And the hardest thing about it is that it's been going on for almost five weeks now and we have yet to catch the perp. Two days ago, we finally received some clues from one of the CIs, which could potentially lead us to him. At lest I hope they do, so that I can finally kill him myself.

I'm sitting in the SUV with Haley, more than ready to rush inside the building and break some bones. Haley gives me "a look" that I can't quite place into any of my established categories, therefore I decide to ignore it and get out of the car. Seconds later, I'm completely ignoring Voight's orders to keep together, and running up the stairs by myself. I can hear someone running after me, but I don't bother to turn around. I already know that I'm gonna be in trouble for doing this, but I can't find it in me to care. Soon, I find myself in front of a locked door, so I decide to throw myself against it and force it open. Without waiting for back-up.

Before I can react, something hard slams me on the back of my head, and I stumble to the floor. Suddenly, I'm aware of what's happened.

_Soldiers._

_My unit and I were ambushed._

_We have to fight._

_Wait a second. Where is everyone?! Oh god, please don't be dead._

_I try to look around, but I can't see a thing. That's probably because of all the dust and sand that's floating around me. How am I supposed to fight if I can't see anything? So much for fair play, am I right?_

_Well, I guess I'm gonna have to trust my senses. It's not like I haven't done that before._

_I jump to my feet and throw a fist, not really aiming at anything. Miraculously, it connects with someone's face. Success._

_Suddenly, someone tackles me, making me lose my balance, so we both fall on the ground unceremoniously. It has to be one of the opponents, so I decide to beat him up as soon as possible, hoping that someone comes help me._

_Speaking of which, where is everybody? I could sure use some help._

" _Jay! Snap out of it!" a voice yells directly into my ear, startling me._

_Great, this means at least one of my soldiers is still alive. Better than nothing, I guess. I just hope he's not the only one._

" _Jay! Stop it!" Why would I wanna do that?! This idiot who has me pinned down is probably trying to kill me, so I think I'd rather not let him. "Jay!"_

_Something slaps my cheek and makes me realize that this is actually the first time this mysterious person has hit me. That's strange._

" _JAY!"_

I suddenly gasp noticing Tony's face right above mine.

What the hell?

"You with me, buddy?" he asks, concern more than obvious in his voice. I try my best to nod, though I'm still confused about what my team's doing in Afghanistan. "Good, that's good. Stop struggling" Antonio continues.

I look around and realize hat I'm squirming violently, making my body ache in the process. I also notice that I am in fact not in Afghanistan, but in the warehouse. In Chicago. Ah-oh.

"What happened?" I ask once I let my body go still and focus on slowing my breathing.

"Not sure" Tony answers. "When I came in, you were lying on the floor, looking kinda freaked out. I shot the perp and went to help you, but you started hitting me, and now here we are."

"Oh" I blurt out, putting the pieces together in my head.

And That's when Voight and the rest of the team rush in and over to my side.

"What happened? Is he hurt?" Haley quickly asks, kneeling next to my head. Tony carefully lets go of me, enabling me to move. He runs his hands across the back of my head, checking for any sign of injury.

"I don't think so" he says, giving me one of those looks, which mean that he'll cover for me, as long as I don't do anything stupid. I smile and announce that I'm alright. I try to get up, only to get a dizzy spell and falling back down again.

"Call an ambulance" Voight states, only to be interrupted by my explanation of why I don't need medical attention. After I talk for about a minute, he finally gives up and helps me get up. "Alright, come on, kid" he says, guiding me down the stairs. "But if I see you wince one time, I'm driving you straight to Med, got it?"

I decide to go with it and nod.

As soon as we get outside, I walk over to our SUV, trying to seat in the driver's seat. "Forget it" Voight states, closing the door in front of my face. "You're coming with me." I let my mouth fall open in disbelief, forcing Voight to continue "And you are _definitely_ not driving."

"Watch me" I say, trying to open the door, only to almost get my fingers slammed into the door.

**Voight's P.O.V.**

"Yeah, there's no way of that happening, kid" I state, refusing to budge, pointing at my car. "Get in the car."

Jay sighs in frustration, rolling his eyes in the process, making sure I notice, before almost ripping the passenger door off my car and violently sitting down. And in case you were wondering, yes, he also makes sure to slam the door closed as loudly as he possibly can. Can't say I didn't see that coming.

Now I'm the one rolling my eyes, sharing a look with Ruzek who's laughing at Jay, apparently finding his pouting extremely hilarious.

Twenty silent and very awkward minutes, we finally arrive to the bullpen. At first, I thought that Jay was too busy pouting to say anything, but when he didn't jump out of the car, before I even turned the engine off, I realized that he had actually completely zoned out.

"Jay?" I ask carefully, making him jump as if he had just burnt himself. "You good, kid?"

"What?" he asks, as if he has no idea to what I'm referring, which worries me a bit. Maybe I should've taken him to Med after all.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I ask again, hoping that he remembers the events from the past half an hour.

"Yeah" he says after a long pause. "Yeah, I'm good." And then he finally jumps out of the car, rushing up the stairs and out of my sight.

"What was that all about?" Al asks me once I get out myself.

"I have no idea" I admit "but I'm guessing he's not as okay as he wants us to believe."

Al gives me a nod, but doesn't say anything else.

**Al's P.O.V**

It's been a couple of hours since we got back from the warehouse, and I have just realized that I haven't seen Jay in about an hour. The thought itself makes my heart jump a little, so I decide to look for him. Obviously, I decide to give the kid a break and don't ask Voight if he's seen him. Maybe such an act of kindness will trick Jay into telling me what's really going on.

I find him sooner than I thought I would. And in a quite unusual way. At least for Jay.

I find him sleeping on the couch in the coffee room. Yes, _sleeping_. Well, it's not exactly a peaceful nap, since he looks like he's having a nightmare, but at least I know he's not knocked out, right? I walk up to him, wondering whether or not I should dare to touch his shoulder, deciding that my self defense probably won't win against against a freaked out Jay. I call his name a few times instead, managing to wake him up on the sixth try.

He immediately sits up, breathing heavily, making me realize what's happening to him. Damn it, how did I not think of this sooner?

"Jay?" I ask him once again, since he has yet to come to his senses and figure out where he is. "You're okay, buddy. Deep breaths. It was just a nightmare."

He finally looks at me, but the look in his eyes doesn't make me any less worried than I was two seconds ago. On the contrary, it makes me slightly more scared, since Jay looks as if he's about to lose it.

"What's wrong, kid? Talk to me" I beg as kindly as I possibly can, not succeeding at all.

"Nothing" Jay states, getting up and starting to walk away. I go after him, hoping to get him to reconsider.

"Doesn't seem like it, buddy. Come on, let's have a talk." I catch up with him, and put a hand on his shoulder. He immediately shrugs it off and looks at me with a frantic look.

"Get off me! I'm going to get some air!" he yells, getting everyone's attention, before storming out. I weigh my options and decide not to follow him.

**Voight's P.O.V.**

"How could I not notice this?!" I ask, frustrated by the fact that I haven't noticed Jay's PTSD. Al has just come in to tell me that the kid's having some problems again. I thought he was doing better… I guess I was wrong. Apparently he stormed out of here about twenty minutes ago, right after Al had woken him up from a nightmare. I don't know about you, but that makes my chest clench up a bit.

"Don't bite your head off" Al says, hoping to make me feel less guilty. "None of us did."

I try my hardest to believe him, but I'm too busy about my detective at the moment. "Where do you think he is?"

Al takes a few moments before answering my question. "No idea." Well, that's not the answer I was hoping for. "Maybe he'll come back later" he continues, although I have a sense he's lying to himself. "Maybe he just needs to clear his head."

I sure hope so.

"What should we d-"

My question is interrupted by my phone which starts ringing all of a sudden.

"Sorry" I apologize to my friend, before picking up, not bothering to check the caller ID. "Voight."

The response makes my heart drop.

"Wait, wait, wait" I blurt out, realizing I was too busy panicking to actually listen to what the person was saying.

"My name's officer Jansen. I'm calling to inform you that one of your detectives was involved in a fight and is no-"

"Where?" I cut him off, wanting to check on Jay as soon as possible. There's no doubt in my mind it's him. It has to be. Damn it, kid. I just hope he's not hurt.

"Michigan Avenue Bridge" he answers.

"Tell him to stay put. I'm on my way."

I hang up, earning a questioning look from Al who had been listening in.

"It's Jay."

That's all I need to say. He understands.

"Go" he nods, and I rush past him, knowing that the rest of my team is in good hands.

" **Voight's P.O.V**

"What the hell happened?" I ask running up to one of the officers on scene.

"According to the witnesses, he saw Santiago from across the street and started running after him. He tackled him and they fought for a few minutes." The officer takes an iPad out of his pocket and hands it to me. "Here, you can watch the video." I shoot him a quizzical look, so he explains that the whole ordeal was recorded by one of the by-passers. I press play, and wince almost immediately as Jay receives a hard blow to the stomach. And then another one. And another one. And then, he's pushed into the metal railing at the side of the road, head first. It's obvious that he was trying to defend one of the women, who had just been robbed. Of course. Sounds like something Jay would do. He just happened to get into a fight with someone rather strong.

I decide I've seen enough for now and pause the video. "Where is he?" I ask the EMTs who have joined me and the officer seconds before.

"Um... well..." the officer stalls, making my chest clench up in worry.

"Where's my detective?" I ask in a more demanding tone, making him take a step back.

"Well… he, um... he left" he finally spills, making my heart drop.

"WHAT?! What do you mean he left?!" I yell in his face, furious with the lack of judgment.

"He refused medical attention, despite our efforts to keep him put" one of the EMTs answers, visibly scared for his life.

"Well how bad was it?" I ask the him, demanding an honest answers.

"Some cuts and bruises, probably a couple of broken ribs and a very likely a concussion. Other than that, I'm afraid I can't tell. He didn't exactly let us examine him" he concludes his brief observations.

"How the hell could you let him leave?! He was injured!" I yell out of worry for the kid.

"He didn't exactly give them a choice" the officer cuts in, trying to defend the EMTs and failing terribly. "He said that he was in a hurry and walked off."

I sigh, deciding there's no point in going off at the officer. "Damn it, kid. Where'd you go?" I whisper, looking around and accepting the fact that there's only one person who can help me at this point.

**Will's P.O.V.**

"What do you mean he left?!" I just about scream into my phone, making Voight sigh at the other end of the line.

"I mean what I said. He refused medical attention, signed the papers and walked off" Voight repeats his previous statement, probably trying not to piss me off any more than Jay already has. "Just try and find him, will you?" he adds, reminding me of the fact that my very likely concussed brother is wondering the streets of Chicago. By himself. In the middle of the night.

Great. Good job, Jay.

I get Rhodes to cover my shift and rush into my car, constantly trying to reach Jay on his cell. I don't succeed though.

Hours later, after having driven around most of Chicago and paying a visit to every hospital I could think of, I get another call from Voight. A part of me is afraid of picking up, fearing the words I might hear.

"Is he alive?" I ask immediately, my voice trembling.

"He's at your place" Voight quickly answers my question, making me breathe a little easier. I slam my brakes, making a U turn and speeding towards my apartment as fast as I can, without risking my life too much.

"Wait. How do you know that? Where'd you find him?" I blurt out, quite confused by the new piece of information.

"I didn't" Voight answers, confusing me even more. "He finally picked up his phone and told me where he was." Okay, that makes sense. And it means that Jay's not unconscious, so there's that. "I'm about 20 minutes away right now, so I can go get him if you want" he offers kindly.

"No, that's okay. I'm closer than you. I got him" I answer bluntly and step on my gas pedal a little harder.

"Okay" Voight agrees. "Call me if you need anything."

"Yeah, thanks" I conclude and hang up. "Damn it, Jay. Why did you have to do this, huh?" I ask no one in particular.

Eight minutes later and more broken laws than I can count later, I'm running up the stairs of my apartment building, trying not to trip over. "Please be okay, please be okay" I beg, right before rounding the last corner.

I immediately notice the slumped form leaning against the wall.

He appears to be unconscious, and I can feel my heartbeat spike. I run towards him, dropping on my knees next to him.

"Jay? Jay!" I yell, shaking him gently. He doesn't respond. Hell, he doesn't even stir. By now, my chest is all clenched up. I switch into doctor mode, checking his pulse and breathing, finding both to be within normal range. Thank god. I quickly check him over for any visible injuries, luckily not finding too many. There are definitely some broken ribs and nasty cuts and bruises, but other than that, he seems unhurt. I'll take it. Just as I'm about to check his pupils, he moans, startling me in the process. "Jay? It's okay, buddy. Take it easy."

"Will?" he asks, completely dazzled to see me. That's not a very good sign, since he's sitting in front of my apartment. He must've hit his head pretty badly.

"Yeah, kiddo, it's me" I say, discreetly comparing both of his pupils. Luckily, they're the same size and equally responsive. "How ya feeling buddy?"

"M'kay" he slurs back.

Of course he is. Duh. How could I be so stupid? This is Jay Halstead we're talking about.

My brother is also soaking wet, since it's pouring outside. He's shivering severely, which is actually a good thing, since it means he's probably not severely hypothermic.

"How about we get you inside, huh? Can you walk?"

"Mhm" he moans back, so I help him to his feet, taking most of his weight. I kick my door open and guide him straight to my bathroom. I know I won't be able to get him to walk again if I allow him to sit on the couch. By the time we get to my bedroom, I'm completely dragging him, since he's stopped walking all together.

"Okay, there you go" I say, sitting him on the edge of my bath as gently as I can. "Let's get you out of these clothes before you freeze to death, okay?"

"You can't freeze in Afghanistan" Jay laughs at me, making my heart stop. What the hell is he talking about? I hope it's just the concussion.

"Do you know where you are, buddy?" I ask, kindly.

"Inside a dream" he answers, bluntly. I seriously consider calling an ambulance, before he bursts out laughing "Your bathroom." Oh thank god. He was messing around. I wanna punch him so badly right now… Instead, I pull all of his clothes off, except for his underwear, allowing him to keep some of his dignity. I really need to warm him up, but I have no intentions of leaving him alone in the bathroom. I have no desire to watch him drown in my bathtub. No thank you. "Come on, get in the bath."

Ten minutes later, he finally stops shivering, so I help dry him off. "Wait here. I'll go get you some clothes" I state, walking out of the room. By the time I get back, Jay's standing and giving me a look.

"What?" I ask, wondering what this is about.

"I can get dressed by myself, you know?"

"Oh, really? Cause I'm pretty sure you were passed out on my doorstep fifteen minutes ago."

"Get out" he laughs, taking the sweats out of my hand.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

As soon as I walk out of the bathroom, I notice Will staring at me with worry.

"Thanks for the clothes" I say, hoping to get out of the lecture I know I'm about to have. Will just keeps staring at me. "I'm okay, Will" I try again, but he cuts me off.

"Shut up."

"Will-

"I said shut up. You're not going anywhere tonight, so you might as well get comfortable" he says pointing at his bed. I give up, since I honestly don't have the energy to fight, and sit on the bed. "Thank you" he says, sarcastically, bringing his advanced first aid closer and sitting on a chair right in front of me.

"What are you doing?" I ask once he starts taking equipment out of the box.

"Examining you properly and deciding whether or not I should take you to the hospital."

That shuts me up. He's really worried about me. I can tell.

I allow him to check my pulse, blood pressure, and clean all of my cuts, which he does while joking around. That's what I've always loved about him. He has a way of making his patients laugh no matter how horrible they're feeling. I don't know who he gets it from. Maybe no one. Maybe it's completely his own. I know I don't have it, and dad sure as hell didn't have it either. Will continues his examination with all of the 'concussion questions', before he finally stops.

"What's really going on with you, Jay?" he asks completely seriously.

"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to look innocent.

"Don't play dumb, Jay" Will warns me. "Don't think I haven't noticed the bags under your eyes. And how jumpy you are even though you're safe. And how you thought you were back in Afghanistan again."

He stops talking. Probably noticing how pale my face has gotten in just seconds.

"Talk to me, Jay" he begs, so I do. I start telling him about the horrifying nightmares I've been having, and before I know it, I'm crying hysterically.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay" Will says, scooting closer to me and hugging me tight. "I've got you."

"It's horrible, Will. I don't know what's real anymore" I sob out, before crying some more. "Everything feels so wrong. I just- I can't stop thinking about it. About what a horrible person I am."

"Ssh" Will says, tightening his embrace to the point where he might actually crush me. "Don't say that. You're an incredible person, buddy. I've always admired you, and other people do too."

And I just start sobbing uncontrollably.

"Try to take some deep breaths, buddy" Will instructs me, having noticed my gasping and wheezing. "It's all going to be okay, Jay, I _promise_."

"I'm just so tired" I whine, and Will starts rubbing my back in circles.

"I know, buddy, I know you are. Just relax. You're okay."

He keeps talking until I calm down and the tears stop flowing. That's when he finally lets me go and gives me a once over.

"You okay?" he asks, and I know that he really means it. He's not judging me for crying. He's also not judging me for getting hurt once again, and he's also not angry that I didn't tell him I was having a hard time. He's just being a protective brother, who's trying to be there for me. And I'm thankful for it.

I nod.

He smiles.

"I'll go get you some milk, okay?" he says, walking towards the door. "Don't. Move."

We both laugh a little. I know what he means, and I'm actually gonna listen to him for once in my life.

A few minutes later, he returns with a glass of milk in his hand and gives it to me. "You still like it cold, right?" he asks.

I chuckle. "I can't believe you still remember that." I used to only drink milk out of the fridge when we were little. Even when I was sick. Or scared. Or sad. It always had to be cold.

"Of course I do. How could I forget?"

We sit in silence for a while, as I drink the milk. I'm aware of the fact that Will's constantly watching me, as if I were about to break, and I can't say I blame him. Suddenly, he takes the glass from my hand and puts it on the nightstand.

"Lift up you sleeve" he orders me, and sadly, I obey before actually considering my options. My brother quickly rubs a spot on my arm with a wipe that smells scarily similar to disinfectant.

On second thought, it probably _is_ an antiseptic. At least if the syringe in Will's hand is anything to go by.

»What's that?« I ask, motioning towards the terrifying pointy object, sliding away from it as discreetly as humanly possible. You see, I've been quite scared of needles for the better part of my life, which makes this a very unpleasant situation. Will is the only person who's ever been able to give me a vaccine without making me lash out completely. You know, at least if I'm actually conscious. Something tells me today's gonna be different as I'm already on the verge of losing my mind. I can feel my heart speeding up by the second, probably nearing a panic attack in the close future.

»Midazolam« my brother interrupts the silent freaking out I'm experiencing.

»Mida-what?« I ask completely lost, but the needle quickly pierces my skin before I can get an answer and the next thing I know the warm fluid spreads around my body.

"It's a sedative" Will finally answers my qu6estion, making my heartbeat spike even more in panic and fear, and if it weren't for the extreme sleepiness I'm suddenly feeling in ever single inch of my body, I probably would've gotten mad. Instead, I give him another confused look and realize that he's gently pushing my shoulders backwards for whatever reason. "Come on, buddy. Lie down."

"Why'd you give me a sedative?" I ask with a slight slur, hoping to at least get an explanation before this thing knocks me out.

"You're exhausted. You need to rest" he explains in a tone he would normally use on a five ear old girl. It's true. I haven't slept through the night in months.

"Nnn" I try my best to disagree, but apparently the sedatives not only make me sleepy, but also make me much weaker than my brother, therefore he successfully pushes me into his pillow.

"Ssh, it's okay. Just relax" Will say, before adding "I'm not going anywhere. You're safe."

Apparently, the word _safe_ had become my lifeline at some point in time, so I finally let the extreme exhaustion take me.

"You did a good thing today, buddy" Will says in a barely audible whisper. "Just, next time, please try not to kill yourself, okay? I can't lose you."

_The end._


	14. Colder Than Ice - part 1

**Will's P.O.V.**

»Wi- ill?« a shaky whisper is heard over the phone.

»Jay? What's up?« I ask confused, since I have no clue why he's calling me.

»Wi- i- ll« he replies even more quietly than before.

»Yeah, Jay, it's me. What's up?« I ask once again. Maybe he didn't hear my question the first time.

After what feels like an eternity later one simple yet dreadful word is heard. »Help.«

My heart immediately drops and I start panicking. »What's wrong? Where are you?!«

»Fell.«

»You fell?« I ask, wishing I could read his mind and help him. »Are you hurt?«

»Cold.«

Oh man, he has to be in bad shape if he's only talking in one-word sentences. I need to find out where he is as soon as possible.

»Okay, buddy. Do you know where you are?«

»Nnn« he moans, making me worry even more.

»Alright, it's okay, buddy. Tell me what you see.«

There is a pause, before he speaks up again. »Trees. Wa- ter. Snow.« Okay, so he's somewhere outside, which is _not_ good. You see, Chicago winters can get extremely cold. The temperatures can drop as low as -11, which can't mean anything good for Jay. He's always cold, let alone when it's literally freezing outside. I glance at my watch, noticing it's four in the morning. I am currently on my night shift, which is why I have sort of lost track of time. What on Earth is Jay doing outside in the middle of the night? Alright in order to find out what's happening, I need to keep him talking.

»Can you tell me where you're hurt?« I ask as softly as I possibly can, not wanting to freak him out.

»I-.« Pause. »I don- t- kn- ow.« His voice is so shaky, I can barely understand what he's saying. He must be shivering, which means he's been outside in the cold for quite a while.

»Alright. It's okay, buddy. Are there any people close or houses?« Please let there be someone who can help him until I can figure out where he is.

»Nn- no.« Damn it. Okay. I need help. I run towards the front desk and slam my hands against the counter, accidentally scaring Maggie. I put my hand over the speaker and whisper »Call Voight.« She looks at me in confusion so I add »Jay's in trouble.«

»Wil- l« Jay sobs. He sounds terrified. I immediately return my attention to my brother and trust Maggie to take care of the rest.

»Listen to me Jay, we're gonna find you, okay? I promise.«

»O- o- kay.«

»Good. Now I need you to stay calm and see if you can find shelter. Can you do that for me?«

»Cn't- wa- lk.«

Oh my god. This can only mean one of two things. He's either injured badly or he's almost frozen. Or both. Either way, they're both horrible options, so I'm starting to worry.

»Okay, buddy. Hang in there. We'll figure this out« I try my best to soothe both him and myself. Maggie motions for me to come closer.

»I have Voight on the phone. What do you need?« she asks, shooting me a concerned look.

»Have him ping Jay's phone. He doesn't know where he is.«

»Is he hurt?« Maggie asks, fear more than obvious in her eyes.

»I don't know.« I decide to leave it at that and let her use her own imagination to figure out the rest. Between the extreme cold and any possible injuries… the odds aren't exactly in Jay's favor.

»How are you doing, buddy?« I ask, fearing the answer I might get.

»Co- ld« he whispers.

»I know, buddy, I know. We'll get you warmed up in no time« I lie, knowing it's going to take a while to find him. »Do you remember how you got there?« Please say yes, so we can find you.

»Home. Woke u- up he- ere.«

Maggie walks up to me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. »Go meet up with Voight, I'll get someone to cover your shift.«

I nod gratefully and run out of the ER, eager to get to my brother. Ten minutes later I'm at the precinct with the whole team. Dawson is currently on the phone with Jay, keeping him awake and talking, while I explain everything Jay's been able to tell me.

»He says he's outside, somewhere with trees and water. He doesn't know whether he's hurt or not, but he's shivering, which means he's probably starting to get hypothermia.«

»Okay, do we know how he ended up out there in the middle of the night?« Al asks, visibly paler than he was five minutes ago.

»He says he was at home and then woke up wherever he is. My best guess is that he was sleepwalking« I mumble, feeling guilty for not being at home when he needed me. I can only imagine him screaming in terror, while he was caught up in one of his horrible nightmares that he can't come out of.

»Wouldn't he have woken up?« Ruzek questions.

»Not necessarily. If the dream was PTSD related…« I let the rest of my thought hand in the air, knowing they all understand where I'm going with it.

»Okay, well at least we know he can't have gone that far out of town« Voight says.

»I got him!« Ruzek leaps out of his chair and we all stare at his computer screen.

»Damn it, kid« Voight voices everyone's thoughts. Jay appears to be in the middle of nowhere. Literally. He's in the middle of a forest, right next to a lake, and by the looks of it he must be at least a forty minute drive out of town. Plus walking, since there are no roads close to him. That means it must've taken Jay at least two hours to walk all the way over there on foot, which means he's been in the cold for a very long time.

"Alright, put on some warm clothes and grab anything that might come in handy" Al orders. "Will, go back to Med and get everything ready for us."

"What?" I ask taken aback. "No way in hell, I'm coming with you."

"Will-" Voight starts, but I cut him off.

"Shut up, Voight. This is my brother we're talking about. He needs a doctor. Plus he called _me_ , not you, so I'm coming whether you like it or not." And with that, the conversation is over. "Let's bring some warm tea with a lot of honey for Jay to drink and gram any blankets and heat packs if you have them. We need to warm him up as quick as possible."

Dawson walks up to me, concern visibly showing all over his face and even in his posture. I feel a knot form inside my stomach.

"He's still conscious" he quickly explains "but I don't think he's shivering anymore. And he's getting tired."

"Shit." This means his temperature has dropped below 89. We need to find him as soon as possible. I pull my phone out of Antonio's hand, wanting to talk to my brother to keep myself sane. "Hey, buddy. You with me?"

"Mmmm" he moans. He's not exactly coherent, but I'll take that over him being unconscious any day.

"That's great. Just hang in there, okay? We're coming. Stay on the phone with me."

"Not goin- any- whe- re." Yeah. I know that. Let's just hope we reach him fast enough.

**Voight's P.O.V.**

This kid's gonna drive me nuts. How is it possible that one single person always ends up in some sort of trouble? Seriously. It's the middle of the night and he was sound asleep in his own bed. What could possibly go wrong, am I right?

We've been driving for almost half an hour. It's -8 degrees, which is freezing cold, and to think that Jay's been out there for at least two hours… Let's just say I have a very good reason to be worried. Will's sitting in the passenger's seat, shaking, though I'm not entirely sure if it's because he's cold or because he's terrified. He's still on the phone with Jay, trying to keep him entertained and more importantly conscious.

"How's he doing?" I whisper, desperately needing an update on my detective. Will just gives me a sad look, which speaks a thousand words.

"Remember how we used to go to the pool when we were little?" Will's been making small-talk for a while now and Jay has barely said a word. He's on speaker, so I can hear every wheezing breath he takes and anxiously wait for the next one, which can't come soon enough. As long as he keeps breathing, we'll be okay. I can tell that he's fading though, and it's scaring me.

"… and then we ended up getting in so much trouble. Do you remember that?" Will finishes up with yet another childhood memory, which would've been hilarious if we weren't on a desperate hunt for one of our own.

There's no response.

"Jay? Do you remember how angry mum and dad were?"

Still nothing.

"Kiddo, you with us?" I try my luck, sadly not succeeding either. Will's eyes are locked on the phone as if that could make Jay speak up and tell us he's okay.

"Talk to us, Halstead" I try once again, achieving absolutely nothing except making Will panic.

"Jay? Jay, wake up!" Nothing. "JAY!"

I step on it and drive way to fast, praying we don't end up driving off the road, while Will continues to scream his brother's name, hoping to get a response. It doesn't happen though.

"You can't do this to me, Jay. You need to stay awake. We're almost there" Will keeps bubbling to himself. Or maybe Jay can still hear him and he's just too weak to respond. Either way, soothing words can't hurt anyone.

Seven minutes later, we reach the end of the road, which means we have to walk from here on. Will immediately darts out of the car and heads towards the bushes, while I grab all of his equipment from the trunk. The rest of the team is on our tail, so we decide to split up and go in different directions to cover as much space in the smallest amount of time possible.

After another fifteen minutes, Will and I still haven't found him. There's snow everywhere and I'm already starting to shiver. If the kid's still alive by the time we find him, it'll be a miracle. We keep walking into the unknown. I can hear everyone calling Jay's name in vain. The snow's already up to our knees, which makes it very difficult to walk in. It's also pretty windy, which makes you feel like you're seconds away from turning into an ice cube.

"I found him!" Dawson yells.

Those are the word's I'll never forget. I'll also never forget the look of pure happiness and hope on Will's face. Let's just hope it doesn't turn into devestation.

**_To be continued..._ **


	15. Colder Than Ice - part 2

**Jay's P.O.V.**

I am freezing cold. And when I say freezing, I mean I'm literally colder than ice.

I hear voices all around me, though I can't quite make out what they're saying. There is also a very strange feeling inside of me, making me wonder exactly what's going on at the moment.

"J-...-ook a-...-nd... eye-...ay."

What on Earth is that supposed to mean? Could you possibly speak any less clearly? Whose voice is this anyway? I'm so confused.

Wait. Where am I?

I can feel my heart pounding inside my chest. Alright, no need to panic. What's the last thing I remember?

I was at the... umm... no wait I was going-. Damn it, why am I so confused? And tired? I'm honestly starting to freak out a bit, although I'm too out of it to care. It's kinda funny when you think about it-. Wait what was I going to say? I have no clue.

My thoughts keep getting fuzzier and fuzzier, but I can't find it in me to actually care.

Maybe I should sleep for a whil-.

Everything's shaking! Why is everything shaking?! Is there an earthquake? Oh come on, are you kidding me? I was just about to let myself slee-

"JAY!"

Man that was loud. Could you please keep it down? No need to scream in my ear, I can hear you just fine.

"st...he...min..."

Alright no need to mumble either.

I'm still shaking. Are earthquakes supposed to last this long? I wonder how much time the longest earthquake in history lasted. I could look that u-

Oh look, it stopped. Finally. I can sleep in peace now.

**Will's P.O.V.**

"Stop! Don't shake him" I yell at Ruzek, who is desperately trying to wake my brother up. "You can't move him, you could cause him to go into cardiac arrest." I can feel everyone tense up at my words, but I'm only telling them the facts. In my defense, I've just spent an hour searching for my unconscious brother, who happens to be lost in the middle of the forest. And I wasn't even the one to find him.

As soon as Ruzek yelled out that he had found Jay, I started running for my life. Or in this case, for Jay's life. I kept tripping over brunches and rocks, but I couldn't care less at this point. The only thing that mattered, was Jay. I was terrified of what I might find, and it turns out I had every right to be. He was lying in the snow, most of his legs and torso buried somewhere under the freshly fallen snow. He was neither shivering nor moving in any other way, and right now I wished he were pale. You see, Jay wasn't white. No. He was bright red and blue. His skin had a very nice red tone to it, which looked almost healthy, except it was caused by extreme cold. His lips on the other hand, were nowhere near red and were literally becoming more of a bluish color. I stood frozen in place, staring at the prone figure on the floor, who I refused to recognize as my brother, jut in case he was already dead.

"Get him out of the snow" Voight yells as soon as he reaches us, sort of snapping me out of my trans, however that only lasts until I actually _see_ Jay.

"Oh my God" I whisper to myself.

**Antonio's P.O.V.**

The whole team was searching through the forest, hoping to stumble over our teammate, and Ruzek and I just happened to get lucky. Well, we managed to trip over Jay. Literally. Everything around us is either white or dark green. It's pitch black outside, since it's 5 in the morning and on top of everything, it's been snowing like crazy, which makes visibility much worse. It's almost impossible to find anything out here, let alone an unconscious person.

I was yelling for Jay, when Ruzek suddenly face-planted into the snow. At first, I thought he simply tripped over a rock or something, but it turns out it was Jay. Due to the blizzard, snow had completely covered Jay's body, which means we never would've found him if Ruzek hadn't walked right into him. That's a scary thought I refuse to acknowledge.

I immediately started digging Jay's face out of the snow, praying that he was still alive and breathing. I could hear Ruzek yell something, but was too busy checking for a pulse, to listen. I was greeted with a very slow and shallow thump, but it was the most amazing thing in the world. I soon realized I had no idea what to do, so I decided to try waking Jay up, hoping his brother would reach us soon and use his medical knowledge to help.

"Jay? Can you hear me, bro?" He didn't even stir, so I kept going. "Look at me, Halstead. Jay! Can you open your eyes for me Jay?" No, still nothing.

Ruzek was now kneeling next to me, trying to come up with something to do. Anything. Just to make himself feel useful in this helpless situation.

"Is he breathing?" Adam asked quietly, probably fearing the answer. I leaned down to listen and almost died, waiting for the shallow wheeze to come. It took about 15 seconds, which is way to long, but hey, I can't complain. I'll take what I can get. "It's shallow and slow, but he's breathing" I announced to Ruzek. That's when Al and Atwater showed up.

"Please tell me he's alive" Al almost begged. I gave him a quick nod, too freaked out to actually use my voice. Ruzek leaned over Jay and shook him by his shoulders, trying to wake him up.

And that is when the other pale and terrified Halstead brother ran up to us, yell at Ruzek and then stopped dead in his tracks.

He just stood there, staring at the scene in front of him, probably not believing what he was seeing. I can't say I blame him. And now, here we ar-

"Get him out of the snow" Voight yells, startling me.

How could I be this stupid?! Why didn't I think of that?! I just left Jay, buried in the snow, as if he wasn't already way too cold. What the hell was I thinking?!

I immediately get up and start pushing the snow off of Jay's legs and torso, noticing Will has yet to move. Another thing that catches my eyes is the fact that Jay's only wearing his pajamas. A very thin shirt, a pair of sweatpants and socks. That's it. No shoes. No jacked. No gloves. Nothing. How is he still alive?

"You gonna just stand there or are you going to help us?" I ask Will, not bothering to look at him. He doesn't react. Instead he keeps staring at his brother wide-eyed. "Will." I try again, but he doesn't seem to hear me, so I resort to screaming. "Will, snap out of it! What do we do?!"

**Will's P.O.V.**

I finally pull myself together and drop down next to my unconscious brother. Before I can even start my brief examination, Antonio tells me that Jay's still breathing, which means he's still alive. Barely, but alive nevertheless.

"Good, that's good." I whisper, checking his pulse anyway. "Hang in there, Jay. Voight, give me the thermometer, I need to take his temperature."

Voight searches through my bag and quickly passes me the thermometer. I press it into Jay's ear and anxiously wait for it to beep. "78.8. That's way too low."

Everyone pauses for a second, not sure what to do with themselves.

"Alright, Al call an ambulance and have them meet us on the way. Voight, go back to the car and put the seats down to make as much flat space as you can. And turn on the heat." He nods and rushes back the way we came from. "Everyone else help me lift him up and carry him to the car."

"Wait, didn't you say we can't move him?" Ruzek asks, remembering my previous words.

"I did, but he doesn't have much time" I answer softly. "Alright Ruzek and Atwater take one side, Antonio and I will take the other. Gentle does it, guys. His heart could stop at any time."

"Alright, on three" Antonio takes lead of the situation. "One, two-"

We carefully lift Jay's limp body out of the snow and walk back towards the cars as fast as we can. I never take my eyes off Jay's chest, monitoring his breathing.

About ten minutes later, we finally reach the cars. Al opens the trunk of Voight's car and helps us get Jay inside on top of a warm blanket they've spread out. "Al and Antonio, you're gonna help me, Voight can drive, while Adam and Atwater take the other car" I order, jumping inside of the trunk next to Jay. The others do as I said, both cars immediately rushing towards the hospital. Al keeps a steady flow of soothing words while I force myself to play the doctor, even though I would much rather be a worried and terrified older brother right now.

"Let's lay him flat on his back and cut off all of the wet clothes" I instruct the detectives, who immediately get to work. Al rips Jay's soaking wet shirt in half, pulling it from under him. Antonio grabs the scissors from my bag and does the same to Jay's pants and pulls his socks off, leaving him only in his boxers. I grab the penlight and carefully lift Jay's eyelids to check his pupils. They're unresponsive and dilated. Shit.

"Check his fingers and toes for frostbite" I order, checking my brother's pulse and BP again. The're both getting lower. His breathing seems to be more and more irregular and shallow as well. If his condition keeps deteriorating, I'll have no choice but to intubate and begin CPR.

"They seem fine" Antonio announces and Al joins his conclusion. Great, at least Jay's still going to have all of his fingers and toes if he doesn't make it. Shut up, Will. You can't think like that.

"Good. Dry him off with a blanket. I need to take his temperature again." Waiting for the thermometer to beep seems to take forever. When it finally does, my heart sinks. "Damn it. It dropped down to 75." Both detectives stare at me in shock. I quickly grab all the warm compresses I can find and place them on Jay's neck, chest, armpits and groin. "Alright let's wrap him up with the rest of the blankets."

Less than a minute later, my brother looks more like a burrito than anything else, since he's covered with blankets from head to toe. The only thing still visible is his blue face. I keep staring at him to monitor his breathing, since there's a very good chance it might stop altogether.

I notice one of Al's hands is lost somewhere inside the blankets. He catches my confused look and gives me a sad smile.

"I'm keeping an eye on his pulse" he pauses "otherwise I'm afraid I might go insane." I'm not sure if he's actually checking his pulse or simply holding Jay's hand, and I honestly don't care. Whatever he's doing, I'm thankful. I know everyone on the team is like a second family to Jay, which makes them my family too. I nod appreciatively and return the smile.

"How is he?" Voight asks from the front seat, unable to see what's happening.

"He's holding his own" I say, looking at my brother. "You're a tough cookie, aren't you? Just hang in there, Jay, and we'll do the rest. Deal?" I am well aware of the fact that I'm talking to myself, but maybe Jay can still hear my voice even though he seems unconscious. If I'm helping him just one bit, I've done my job.

"Sirens" Al states, startling me.

"What?" I ask completely confused.

"I can hear sirens. The ambulance must be close" he explains.

"Alright, I'm going with him to the hospital. You guys can go bac-"

"We'll be right behind you" Voight states, clearly having no intention to budge. I can't say I'm not happy they're coming, because I really don't feel like going through this alone and Jay'd want them there.

"Thanks for everything guys" I say with as big of a smile as I can manage right now.

"Of course. He's family" Voight states, earning a smile from Al.

"Keep an eye on him for us" Antonio says, so I nod.

Voight slams the brakes, almost making me fall on my face. The trunk door is almost ripped off the car to reveal an awaiting gurney. We transfer Jay as gently as possible over to the gurney together with all of the blankets. On top of everything we wrap him into the space blanket to keep the heat from escaping, and pull the safety straps across his legs and chest. Before I know it, we're inside the ambulance, speeding towards Med.

"What happened?" the paramedic asks me while checking Jay's vitals. For the first time in my life, I'm incredibly thankful that I'm friends with most of the paramedics. It has a calming effect on this otherwise stressful situation. Plus they let me help in any way I can instead of having to sit in silence, watching my brother fade.

"He called me saying he fell. I was on the phone with him for about an hour and a half. He was shivering and seemed confused. He couldn't remember how he got there and couldn't tell if he was hurt or not. Our best guess is he was sleepwalking."

"This far out into the forest?" the paramedic wonders.

"He used to be a soldier" I explain trailing off.

"Oh, I understand. Possibly had something to do with PTSD."

"Yeah" I agree. "He lost consciousness about thirty five minutes ago and hasn't woken up since. His pulse was slow and irregular, BP was 82/40 and dropping, but he's breathing on his own. When we found him his temperature was 78.8. Last time I checked it had dropped down to 75."

"Do you think he hit his head?"

"I'm not sure. Based on the confusion… it's possible."

"Alright, put him on humidified oxygen and keep talking to him, while I do the rest" the paramedic instructs me, getting to work. He immediately sets up two IVs, one in each arm, and connects them to warm fluids to help bring Jay's temperature up, while I grab the oxygen mask, slipping it over his face. I keep a constant flow of comforting words going, not really paying attention to what I'm saying, while stroking Jay's hair. The paramedic connects Jay to the heart monitor and pulse oximeter to help keep track of his vitals. I can tell my brother isn't doing so hot just by the incredibly slow beeping sound.

"Damn it, his temperature keeps decreasing" the paramedic swears.

"How low is it?"

"72."

"Shit." That's all I can say. Jay can't do anything halfway, can he? "Let the hospital know we're gonna need either a CPB or ECMO. They need to be ready" I yell to the driver. I can hear him talking on the radio, while I focus back on Jay. The paramedic is listening to his breathing with a stethoscope, frowning.

"His breathing is too shallow and irregular." I can already see where he's going with this. "I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to intubate. He can't support his airway for much longer."

"I know" I whisper to myself. "It's okay, Jay, you're going to be just fine, hear me? You just keep fighting, okay?" I move out of the way, squeezing both of Jay's hands as hard as I can. The paramedic tilt's Jay's head back and shoves a tube down his throat. I close my eyes and wince, not wanting to have to go through this once again. The last time Jay ended up on a ventilator, it turned out to be a pure nightmare. I can't watch him go through that again. I notice the tears falling down my cheeks. I can hear the whooshing sound the ambu bag makes as it is squeezed in order to push warm air into my brother's lungs.

Suddenly, the heart monitor starts beeping and my eyes snap open.

"I need you to come here and squeeze this every five second, can you do that?" the paramedic asks me, referring to the ambu bag. I just stare at him in shock, allow myself a quick glance at the heart monitor and then look back at the paramedic. "Dr. Halstead" he says louder. "You need to help him or he's gonna die."

I quickly switch places with the paramedic and start breathing for my brother. "Don't you dare die on me Jay. Not like this. You've come this far, I'm not letting you give up now. Keep fighting."

"Be gentle, you don't wanna hurt him even more." Right. There's definitely no need for even more pain. I squeeze the ambu bag as gently as I possibly can.

Another alarm goes off.

"He's in V-fib" the paramedic announces and searches for a dose of epi. "What's the ETA?" he yells to the driver.

"7 minutes" he yells back.

"Make that 5."

The whole world seems to slow down, while I slowly squeeze the ambu bag over and over again. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Squeeze. Another change in the alarm makes my heart stop.

"No pulse, starting compressions."

_To be continued..._


	16. Colder Than Ice - part 3

**Will's P.O.V.**

The rest of the 5 minute ride to the hospital took forever. The only way to keep myself sane was by counting in rounds of five, trying as hard as I could not to think about my surroundings.

The paramedic was straddling over Jay's limp body, doing chest compressions in order to keep his heart beating. Lucky for me, he had to be gentle, so I didn't have to witness my brother's ribs breaking due to CPR. Small mercies.

The ambo comes to an abrupt stop and the door swings open, revealing my colleagues. They pull the gurney out with both Jay and the paramedic on it, while I follow, carefully squeezing the bag. The paramedic starts listing off all of Jay's vitals, or in this case all of the vitals Jay currently _doesn't_ have.

"Okay, take him to Baghdad" Rhodes orders, making my heart clench. The ambu bag is ripped out of my hands by April and the gurney disappears into the exam room. Rhodes allows himself a brief stop to award me with a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

I give him the rudest look I can manage "No, I'm not _okay_. My brother's in there, frozen and I've just spent 5 minutes breathing instead of him, so no, I'm definitely _not_ okay." I pause, realizing I've just snapped at Rhodes who has nothing to do with this. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Will. I don't blame you" he squeezes my shoulder. "Hang in there."

Jay's team suddenly rushes up to us, almost knocking us over.

"Is he okay?"

"Is he alive?"

"What happened?"

"Where is he?"

Rhodes holds up one hand to stop them from blabbering. "We're currently working on restarting his heart, and I know it sound ba-"

"Wait, hang on. He's dead?" Adam asks looking as pale as death.

"Yes and no" Rhodes replies. "When it comes to hypothermia, we say a patient isn't dead until he's warm and dead."

"English please" Voight says annoyed.

"More often than not, patients aren't actually dead. They're just… frozen, and when they warm up, all of their vital functions come back."

"Okay, so wha-" Antonio starts to ask, but is interrupted by Rhodes.

"I'm really sorry guys, but I have to go. You can wait in the waiting room and I'll keep you updated."

**Connor's P.O.V.**

How is it that I'm once again standing in the ER and the patient in front of me is my colleague's little brother, Jay Troublemaker Halstead? I'm serious. How does this keep happening? Okay, doesn't matter. I need to make sure Jay survives this otherwise I might as well chop my own head off.

He's already been connected to all of the equipment and scary looking machines in the ER. He's on the vent, inhaling warm and humidified oxygen to hopefully warm him up. I need to figure out exactly how badly hypothermic he is. "Let's get his vitals and temperature. Get the heating blanket and keep the warm IVs going." Everyone's rushing around the bed, checking one thing or another, while I try to process this series of events.

"We got his heart started again, but he's bradycardic. BP's 79/40" one of the nurses announces.

"Temperature's 69.8" April adds.

"What?" I ask shocked. "You mean it's still dropping?" Nobody answers my question. You couldn't make this easy, Jay, could you? "Okay let's get him to the OR and do thoracic and peritoneal lavage" I order, helping the nurses as we get ready to move the younger Halstead.

As soon as we get through the glass door, I bump into Will. "Where are you taking him?" he asks completely freaked out.

"The OR. His temperature keeps dropping, so we're doing a thoracic and peritoneal lavage to hopefully reverse the process" I explain.

"What about ECMO?" Will asks, wanting to help.

"I'm trying to avoid using bypass, but if it comes down to it..." I trail off. "I'll keep you posted."

He nods absently, so I run towards the OR, taking the stairs instead of the elevator to get there as fast as humanly possible.

**Will's P.O.V.**

"Thor-what?" Ruzek asks once I mention the two medical terms.

"A thoracic lavage means that they're going to place two large chest tubes in, one in the top of his chest and one at the bottom of his back." Al winces. "They're going to pump warm fluids through his chest to help warm him up from the inside, because it's faster."

"That's… horrible" Adam states looking a bit green. "That shouldn't be a thing."

I can't say I disagree with him. It's a really invasive and painful procedure.

"Okay, what about the other thing you mentioned?" Voight wonders.

"Peritoneal lavage is similar to what I've jut explained, except the warm fluids are pumped through his torso in order to encourage liver function."

"Once again – horrible" Adam deadpans. Al gives him a look, though he's probably thinking the exact same thing. Everyone stays silent for a while after that, before Antonio speaks up.

"How bad off is he honestly?"

I'm not sure what to reply to him. I refuse to accept the seriousness of my brother's condition, because then I would have to face all the possible complications and bad outcomes. From a medical perspective, Jay is in for a fight. There's just so many things that could go wrong. "It's Jay. He'll pull through." Yeah. I know this isn't exactly the most honest response, but I can't face the truth just yet.

Al, who happens to have a certain amount of medical knowledge from the army, gives me a very skeptical look, which I dodge by casually looking at the floor and examining the tiles. I know I don't fool anyone, but let's be honest. They probably knew the honest answer to that question, before Antonio even said it. They're detectives after all. And they're most definitely not stupid.

**Connor's P.O.V.**

"Damn it."

I am going to kill this kid once he wakes up. Seriously. Does he have to make everything so complicated?

I look at the scary tubes sticking out of his torso, trying not to think about how painful they must be, wondering what I'm supposed to do. Even though we've just spent a good 15 minutes pumping warm fluids through him, his temperature continues to drop. By now it's clear that he's profoundly hypothermic and despite taking some of the most aggressive measures out there, he's still not getting any better.

By the time we got to the OR, his temperature has dropped down to 67, which is dangerously low. Not that it wasn't before, but still. Every single degree counts. I decided it was best to begin active rewarming as soon as possible, and since setting up the chest tubes for a thoracic and peritoneal lavage would take a while to set up, we also performed the GI tract and bladder lavage, though neither seemed to help.

In case you're keeping score, this leaves us with a total of 10 tubes and catheters sticking out of Jay's body. Two IVs and a central line, two tubes in his chest, two in his stomach, one going directly into his bladder, one down his throat helping him breathe and another one right next to it, pumping water in and out of his stomach. You'd think all of these scary procedures would've helped. But they haven't.

"Dr. Rhodes?" April startles me out of my inner conflict.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask, having completely zoned out, which is totally and completely unprofessional.

"His temperature's down to 66.4."

"Alright" I inhale very slowly, hoping for a miracle to happen and prevent me from having to do this. It doesn't. "Let's put him on bypass."

Every single person in the OR has a sad look plastered on their face, because we all know the amazing detective, lying on the table and no one would ever wish anything bad on him. Let alone something like this. After a few moments of silence, they resume to rushing around, setting up everything we're gonna need, while I allow myself to be a friend for a second and lean close to Jay's ear.

"You better survive this, Jay, or I'm going to kill you myself" I whisper. "If you're brother doesn't kill _me_ first" I add as an afterthought.

I straighten up and look at my coworkers.

"Let's save his life."

**Will's P.O.V.**

If it were possible to die from fear and sadness, I'd be dead right now.

Jay's team and I are sitting in the surgical waiting room, while Choi's giving us a terrifying and brutal update on Jay's condition.

"Considering none of the procedures were effective, we're going to have to put Jay on a heart bypass, to hopefully rewarm his blood as fast as possible and reduce the chance for any further damage" Choi explains, though no one except me quite understands him. Lucky me…

By the looks of it, Jay must've been far worse off than I had anticipated. None of the aggressive measures were working, which is why we have come to our absolute last resort. CBP. I'm also well aware of the fact that Jay's in more and more danger every minute.

"Okay, so what exactly is this heart thing?" Ruzek asks, clearly as lost as everyone else.

"A cardiopulmonary bypass is also known as the heart-lung machine. It's a technique that temporarily takes over the function of the heart and lungs during surgery, maintaining the circulation of blood and the oxygen content of the body. Blood returning to the heart is diverted through a heart-lung machine before being returned to the arterial circulation. The machine does the work both of the heart and the lungs, rewarming the blood outside of Jay's body."

Choi waits for a while, letting the information sink in. Voight has an angry look on his face, and it's kinda scaring me. Al is nodding, apparently the only one on track with what's currently happening, if Antonio's, Adam's and Atwater's stares are anything to go by.

"I'm afraid it requires an open heart surgery-"

"Wait, hold on" Voight interrupts. "What? You never said anything about there being something wrong with Jay's heart."

"There isn't" Choi explains. "But I'm afraid this is the only way of helping Jay."

Everyone stays quiet.

"I'm sorry. I know this must be very terrifying and confusing to all of you, but trust me, we know what we're doing. It's the best chance he's got."

Well done, Choi. Way to freak them out even more.

I'm shaking and I can barely breathe.

I just want this to be over.

We're going to place a cannula in Jay's femoral vein to withdraw blood from his body. The cannula is then filtered, warmed, oxygenated, and then returned to the body. We've administered heparin to prevent clotting, and once Jay's taken off of bypass, we'll give him protamine sulfate to reverse the effects of heparin. As I said, the blood is warmed up during CPB and then returned to the body. The warm blood also speeds up the body's basal metabolic rate and increases its demand for oxygen, which is why we're gonna keep Jay on the ventilator afterwards, to help him maintain high oxygen levels."

Even though I know, how bypass works, Choi's explanation is making me sick to my stomach.

"Will?" Choi asks me with evident concern in his voice. "Will, are you okay?"

No.

_To be continued…_


	17. Colder Than Ice - part 4

**Voight's P.O.V.**

Something doesn't seem right.

And it's not just all the scarry words coming out of Dr. Choi's mouth.

I notice Jay's brother is looking deathly pale and his breathing seems to be hitching. I decide to keep a close eye on him just in case. Even though he's not part of the team, I know how close the brothers have become, which makes it my responsibility to look after Will until Jay gets better.

"Will?" Choi asks, clearly just as concerned as me about the lack of words coming from his colleague. "Will, are you okay?"

He doesn't respond. Just keeps staring at the floor and wheezing. Everyone's attention is now on the older Halstead brother, probably not helping the situation whatsoever.

Choi immediately abandons his explanation to us non-doctors and crouches in front of his friend. "Will?" Still nothing. "Will, look at me" he says, gently patting his knee. He still doesn't get a reaction, so he resorts to shaking him a bit more. "Hey! Come on, look at me, Will."

All of a sudden Will jerks away, his eyes darting all over the place in fear.

"Hey, hey, relax" Choi soothes him "Everything's okay, Jay's alive." I notice he's still trying to make eye contact, but has backed off a little bit in order to give Will some space. "It's okay, I promise. Just relax." Choi follows Will's graze around the room and notices everyone staring at them. "It's okay, come on. Let's get you out of here."

Choi helps Will stand up very slowly and motions to us to follow. As soon as Will's standing, his knees buckle and I just barely manage to catch him before he falls on his face.

"Woah, kid, careful."

I shoot Choi a questioning look, which he dodges. Apparently he knows what's going on with Will, so I follow his lead and hold Halstead on one side, while he holds the other. Together we guide him into a much smaller and more importantly way more private room, which looks like some kind of a private waiting room. I'm guessing it's for family members of severely injured patients, who are about to learn that their loved ones didn't make it through surgery.

I just hope that's not going to be us in a couple of hours.

We plop Will down on the couch and Choi quickly grabs his wrist, discreetly checking his pulse. "I'll be right back, okay buddy? he says pretty loudly before standing up and turning to me. "Talk to him, but try not to touch him. Keep him calm" he whispers, before rushing outside.

"What's happening?" Antonio whispers, clearly just as confused as the rest of the team.

"No clue" I say, carefully moving towards Will and crouching in front of him just like Choi had done minutes before. My eart brakes for the kid. Will looks as if hehe's seen a ghost. Completely terrified and lost, so I just start talking randomly, hoping to offer him at least a bit of support on one of the absolute worst days of his life.

A couple of minutes later, Choi returns holding what looks like either juice or pee. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's the first. He pushes it into Wills unbelievably shaky hands and orders him to drink it. The cup also has a straw in, which is surprising since Will is neither a patient nor a kid. He finally starts drinking, while Choi helps him hold the cup as if he were afraid Will might drop it.

"Small sips" Choi whispers before looking at the rest of us. "This is what we give to patients suffering from shock."

"Shock?" Adam checks to make sure he heard him right. Choi nodds and returns his attention to Will.

"Yeah, it's been quite an eventful night."

I can't say I disagree. Will's had a rough couple of hours and considering he had just done a 16 hour shift... He was exhausted before Jay even called him and it just went downhill from there. To be honest, he lasted a long time before breaking.

"Is he gonna be okay?" I wonder, afraid of having ro explain to Jay that his brother also ended up in a hospital bed. I never wanna see that happen. Jay'd go crazy.

"Should be fine in a little while" Choi replies, waking me from my inner monologue. "Let's just try and keep all the stress as low as possible. I don't know how much more he can take."

Yeah, me neither.

After about ten minutes of coaxng, Will seems to be back to his normal self. Except extremely tired, though I would never dare to tell him to go home and sleep. If he's anything like Jay, that wouldn't go so well.

"You okay?" Choi asks, clearly pleased to receive a nod from Will. "Good. Just take it easy." He transfers his attention back to us and continues his previous explanation as if nothing had happened. "As I was saying, Jay's hanging in there for now. We'll know more once he's been placed on bypass-"

"Incoming!" Maggie's yell is heard from the ER at the exact same time as Choi's pager beeps.

"I'm really sorry, guys, but I have to go" he apologises, looking me straight into my eyes as if begging me to take care of Will.

I nod.

Will's family. Of course I'll make sure he's as okay as he can be with his brother's life hanging by a thread.

"Hang in there. And have Maggie page me if you need anything." I know he actually means 'call me if Will goes into shock again', but I don't say anything. "We'll keep you updated in case there's any news" Choi concludes before he rushes out the door.

I keep an eye on Will while we all sit in complete silence, hoping to receive some good news soon. I'm sort of tired of all of these bad updates we've been getting, so I pray that Jay get out okay.

**Connor's P.O.V.**

"Alright, his temperature's back up" I exhale in relief. It's been almost na hour sunce we've put Jay on bypass. Thank goodness Jay kept fighting. I don't know what I would've done if he had died on my table. "Let's take him off bypass and wait another twenty minutes to see if his temperature holds up."

I have been trying to ignore the thought of who's laying on the table in front of me. Ever since the first time I've had to treat Jay, I've been dreading having to tell Will something went wrong. I hate being in these situations, but Will's my friend. If it were my brother, I'd want Will to be the one treating him, so in this case, I have to step up and play my part.

I know Jay's not out of the woods yet at all. There's so much that could still go wrong. Anything from simple infections to brain damage or cardiac arrest. You can never be sure. For both Jay's and Will's sake, I hope _nothing_ else goes wrong. I want Jay to wake up and immediately jump out of the bed as good as new or you know, at least complaining about when he can go home, but I know that's not very likely to happen.

"It's been twenty minutes" the nurse announces, so I glance at the monitor.

98.2

Thank god. "Alright, let's close him up and get him to post-op" I order, smiling slightly. He's one step closer to surviving. Beating the odds once again.

"Do you want me to update the family?" one of the nurses offers.

"No, thank you" I blurt out as quickly as I can. "I'll talk to them myself." Not entirely sure how, but I don't think I have a choice. It's better they hear it from me than from a random nurse.

Another fifteen minutes later all the wires, stitches and tubes are in place and Jay's finally ready to be taken to post-op. That also means I get to update Will. Wish me good luck.

I throw my bloody gloves into the trash and head for the waiting room.

"Hey" Choi yells from behind me, before running up to me. "Is he...?" I nod before he can finish the question. I know he's asking about Jay. "They're in the private waiting room" he continues.

I'm assuming he knows who I'm looking for, though I'm not sure why they're not in the regular waiting room where I left them a couple of hours ago.

Having noticed my confused expression, Choi looks around to see if anyone's listening. "Will sort of went into shock earlier..." he whispers and trails off. Damn it, poor Will. This must be hell for him. "Keep that in mind when you talk to him."

"Okay, I will. Thanks for the heads up."

After receiving a nod and smile from Choi, we go our seperate ways. Once I reach the correct door, I stop and take a deep breath before entering.

Even before I can get a single word out everyone shoots up from their chair and I'm bombed with at least a dozen of questions. I can't help but smile at how protective everyone is of Jay.

"He's okay" I say, letting out a chuckle.

The next few seconds are filled with different ways of expressing relief. Everything from exhales and tears to lauging. The whole spectrum of emotions.

Will's the only one who still looks as pale as a ghost and I know exactly why. He's a doctor and he knows things are never this simple. Especially in cases like Jay's.

"Let's have a seat so I can explain everything" I offer, pushing Will into the first chair I can find. Everyone else follows my lead, looking a bit more worried than they were three seconds ago.

"As you know, Jay was suffering from extremely severe hypothermia" I start, having decided to explain every little detail in order to avoid any confusion later on. Plus most of the people in the room are detectives, so... they want all of the facts they can get. "After all of the other rewarming methods failed to elevate Jay's temperature, we had to put him on bypass. Choi has already explainef to you how the procedure works, right?"

I receive a few nods.

"Open heart surgery" Adam adds confirming my assumptions. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forget those words."

I know how he feels. Scared. I have to be gentle with how I deliver the news. They're all Jay's family and they've all been through hell.

"Yes, that's right. We had to make an incision down the middle of Jay's chest in order to access his heart and connect the machine. After his blood was warm enough and we were able to take him off bypass, we wired his sternum closed. These wires will stay in forever, but shouldn't cause him any pain." I stop for a few seconds to check if anyone looks like they need to puke yet. Every member of Jay's team is staring at me in shock, while Will is examining the tile on the floor. He looks ready to either cry or pass out.

I know none of this is news to him, since he's a doctor an knows exactly how these procedures work. The reason for his fear comes from knowing all the possible complications and horrible outcomes of situations like this and _that_ sucks whenever your loved ones are the patients.

Not wanting to provoke another meltdown, I get up and grab a water bottle, shoving it into Will's hands. He seems completely absent. Almost as if he were catatonic. I stand next to him until he finally makes eye contact with me.

"Drink" I order, and after a few confused moments he seems to remember what the word 'drink' means and starts to figure out how to open a bottle with extremely shaky hands. I save him from his misery and unscrew it for him. He greedily accepts the water, so I sit back down and continue the rundown of horrible procedures Jay had to go through.

"He also has three chest tubes in place to drain any fluid from around his heart, but that's just a precaution" I say offering everyone a sympathetic look. This must be breaking their hearts. "The sedatives haven't worn off yet, so Jay's still sleeping. We're keeping him on the vent for at least the next few hours until he can breathe well enough on his own-"

"Why wouldn't he be able to breathe?" Voight questions.

"It's normal for patients who have had open heart surgeries to have some difficulties breathing at first, especially if they had to be on bypass. It's nothing to worry about. He should come off the vent a few hours after he wakes up."

Voight nods, so I'm guessing he understands. There's no reaction from the others though.

"The small grey wires on his chest are pacing wires, which help pace his heart in case it gets too slow. Those will come off in a few days. The feeding tube prevents nausea and will be taken out as soon as Jay's off the vent. He'll stay in the ICU for at least 48 hours for close monitoring, but we'll see as we go. No need to worry about that yet" I conclude. "I think that's about it."

"Already? You sure?" Adam asks sarcastically, which earns him a couple of smiles.

I nod, turning my attention to the pale shaky person next to me.

"Will, can I talk to you for a sec?" After receiving a nod from my colleague, I gently guide him outside and into one of the empty break rooms, where we can have some privacy.

"How are you holding up?"

He just shoots me a glare, clearly not interested in talking to me about nonsense. For my own safety I decide not to push it.

"I wanted to talk to you about something..." I trail off, not entirely sure how to continue this converstion. I have a feeling I'm not going to achieve anything, but I have to give it a go. "With all the chest tubes and the ET tube Jay currently has in place and considering how he reacted the previous time he woke up on a vent, I had no choice but to put him in soft restraints, just to be on the safe-"

"No" Will cuts me off. "Absolutely not. Take them off. He's going to be freaked out as it is, no need to terrify him even more. And besides, I'm gonna be there to keep him from touching anything."

"I understand, but it's hospital policy for patients undergoing cardiac surgery-"

"I don't give a damn about policy" he states. "You can do whatever you want, but I'm taking them off."

I can't argue against that. And I can't say I didn't see it coming either. These are the Halstead brothers after all. One more stubborn than the other.

"Okay," I agree, hoping to seem supportive. "How about we make a deal? You can take them off as soon as he's awake enough to understand not to touch anything."

"Okay, fine" Will says after a while, clearly very impatient and not in the mood for arguing about this.

"Okay. He's still in post-op and it's against policy, but considering the circumstances you can go sit with him if you like."

"Trust me, Connor, I'd go sit with him whether you let me or not."

Figures.

**Will's P.O.V.**

I can't help but wince at the sight of my brother.

He's motionless on the hospital bed, which is at a 45 degree angle to make him as comfortable as possible once he actually wakes up. You know... _if_ he wakes up.

All of the tubes and wires connected to him never used to scare me, but that's changed. Every single one of them terrifies me. The ET tube shoved down his throat, the three huge invasive chest tubes, the pacing wires, the feeding tube... Even the catheter coming from under the sheet and the IVs and central line seem more dangerous than they should.

The four smaller pieces of gauze mark all of the incision sites where chest tubes used to be during surgery, but the most horrifying is the large gauze in the middle of Jay's chest. It hides the incision used to access my little brother's heart. And _that's_ scarry.

Jay's still very much unconscious, but his vitals are holding up, which is good. It's more than I could ask for.

After about an hour and a half in post-op, Connor announces thst Jay's ready to be moved down to ICU. He even lets me help move all of the machines Kay's connected to. Not that he really had a choice.

The ICU room is a good ten degrees warmer than the rest of the hospital, reminding me of exactly how close I came to losing my brother once again.

After all of the equipment is set up and everybodey else leaves, I plop down into the uncomfortable chair, take a hold of Jay's cold hand and wait for what feels like an eternity. I am reminded of exactly how much I hate sitting in these chairs and how much I hate watching my brother in the hospital beds. The last time he was in here sucked, but I gotta admit, today sucks _way_ more.

Nurses keep coming in to check on Jay, and about two hours later, Connor joins them.

"Hey, Wil-"

"Why isn't he awake yet?" I ask as soon ad he walks through the door.

He allows himself a small pause before replying. "You know how unpredictable these things are. There's no way of knowing when..." he trails off.

"But he should be awake by now, right?" I don't let up.

He inhales deeply. "Yes, I thought he'd be, but maybe he needs a little more rest." I stay quiet. "If he doesn't wake up in the next twho hours, I'll order some more scans to see what's going on."

I nod.

"Listen... his team would like to see him. Would you mind?"

"Send them in" I state, having lost the energy to do anything other than stare at my brother.

"Okay."

Ten minutes later, Voight walks in. To my surprise he's alone. He doesn't say anything. He just walks up to the other aide of the bed, grabs Jay's other hand and sits down.

And we sit in silence. For hours.

They end up taking Jay for some scans which come back clear, but Jay still doesn't awake. I'm still gripping his hand tightly and I've been talking to him about anything that came to mind. Just like I did in the car. And so many times before when he was at the hospital. I know that Voight's been watching me like a hawk, but I chose to ignore him. All I care about is Jay.

Neither of us leave Jay's side. Maybe if we keep holding on, he will too.

After another six very long and scarry hours, the fingers inside my hand finally twitch.

_To be continued..._


	18. Colder Than Ice - pat 5

**Will's P.O.V.**

"Jay?" I whisper carefully, trying not to startle him or give him a headache. "Can you hear me?"

He shifts on the bed, wincing at the pain he caused himself. Voight and I are up on our feet in a second, ready to face whatever's coming our way. Hopefully.

"Heeey, buddy, take it easy. You're in the hospital" I supply crucial information I think my brother would want to hear. His legs kick around a little, successfully getting tangled up under the sheet. His face scrunches up in pain once again, breaking my heart. "Careful, buddy, try not to move too much. Everything's okay, you're safe."

I want to hug him so bad, but I don't want to cause him any more pain, so I settle for gently running my fingers through his messy hair.

"Think you could open your eyes for a second? I promise I'll let you go back to sleep soon."

His doesn't react. Instead, he accidentally yanks at the restraints on his wrists, scaring himself if the spike in his heart rate is anything to go by. His eyes immediately snap open and focus on his hands as he gently tugs at the white straps, achieving absolutely nothing.

One of Voight's hands is resting on Jay's upper arm, while his eyes are cautiously travelling from my brother to me and back again. He lets me do the talking, but his touch is trying to offer support to his detective.

"Jay? Can you hear me, buddy?" I ask, gently squeezing his shoulder. He doesn't seem to acknowledge my presence. I share a concerned look with Voight, who rubs Jay's arm, trying to get his attention.

"You with us, kiddo? Jay. Can you look at me?"

He doesn't react to Voight either. Instead, the yanks of his wrists gain some more strength, seemingly expressing his fear and frustration.

Damn it. I knew this would happen.

I immediately grab hold of one of the straps to start unbuckling it and nod for Voight to do the same with the other one.

"It's alright, buddy, hang on. We'll get them off right away" I try to soothe my brother, who still has a distant look in his eyes and has yet to give us any sort of response that he can hear us.

Voight and I both rip off the white straps as fast as we can, hoping to save Jay from having a panic attack. He's been through more than enough already, there's no need to cause him more fear and pain.

Once the restraints are off, his hands start wondering around without actually knowing where they're going. Voight quickly yet gently grabs hold of both of them, before they can reach any of the tubes or wires and dislodge them. I can clearly see all the feathery love Voight has for my brother and I'm glad Jay has him in his life, since he was never really close with our father.

"Do you want me to go get Rhodes?" Voight offers, never taking his eyes off of my brother.

"No, it's okay. I don't want to frighten him even more. We got it."

He nods, continuing a soft and calming monologue of reassurance.

I'm so thankful he's here. Both for Jay and for myself.

I start fishing through my pockets, trying to find the penlight. In the meantime I allow myself to inspect the monitors surrounding Jay. His heart is racing a bit, but his BP and oxygen levels are within normal range. I'll take it.

"Can you look at me, Jay?" I ask again. Once I don't recieve a response, I flick the penlight over his eyes, noticing his pupils are dilated and not very responsive. That's not good. The strange part is that Jay doesn't flinch away from the harsh light. He doesn't seem to notice it at all actually, which is nothing like my normally very jumpy and hyperalert brother.

I frown, not pleased with the lack of response I'm receiving from him, so I decide to try something else. After snapping my fingers right next to his ears doesn't work, I resort to squeezing his hand as hard as I can.

Still nothing.

His eyes keep travelling around the room, not really seeing anything. This me out a little. Uncovering his legs, I grab my pen and press it against one of his toenails, hoping pain stimuli would work.

It does.

Jay just about jumps on the bed, trying to get away from the pain I've just caused him. The problem is, that his eyes still don't fix on me. He stares at his feet as if they were the sole reason for pain.

"Why isn't he responding?" I whisper to myself, forgetting that the other coherent person in the room can probably hear me. He shoots me a concerned glare, to which I respond with an apologetic look.

"Come on, kiddo, look at me" Voight gives it a go, rubbing one hand on Jay's chest, careful not to touch the incision site. "Halstead! Look at me" he orders, still not achieving anything.

Right in that moment, the cuff around his arm decides to do one of its BP checkups and tightens.

And isn't that bad luck.

All of a sudden Jay's eyes start darting all over the place, as his arms go flying from Voight's hands. His heartbeat speeds up, which results in another alarm going off, scaring him even more.

"Hey, hey, it's okay" Voight soothes, successfully re-catching one of Jay's arms, while I grab a hold of the other one. "It's just your heart monitor, nothing to worry about. You're safe."

I stick a needle into Jay's central line and his eyes immediately roll back as he slips back into unconsciousness.

"What'd you give him?" Voight asks alarmed by the rapid turn of events.

"It's a mild sedative, just to help him sleep. We don't want him to get aggravated." He nods.

We sit in silence for a few minutes.

"Is this normal?" Voight asks after a while, referring to the strange reaction we've received from my brother. I take a minute to think about my response.

"I've never seen Jay react to anesthesia like this before..." It's far from the first time he's been in hospital, and sedatives never used to affect him this badly. Sure, he got agitated or nauseous, but this... this is freaking me out a little. Something else might be causing this confusion, but whatever it is, it can't be good. "Maybe he's got a concussion after all."

"Could it be PTSD?" Voight supplies, clearly trying to get to the bottom of this. He's got a point. We still have no clue how Jay ended up in the middle of the forest, so he very well might be caught up in some sort of a never-ending nightmare or flashback.

"It's possible" I respond. "Let's just wait for him to wake up again and see if he's more coherent."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the state Jay appears to be in. He didn't seem to notice us at all, almost as if we weren't even there.

**Voight's P.O.V.**

I've been sitting in this highly uncomfortable plastic chair for almost 52 hours straight and let me tell you, my back is not happy about it.

This whole time, Jay has only woken up once and even then it was anything but calming.

I've never seen him so absent brfore and the distant, almost dead look in his normally spakrly eyes... not a pretty sight.

This whole situation is so messed up. First, I was only worried about him getting hypothermia, now, there's all sorts of things keeping me awake at night. Severe hypothermia, PTSD, concussion, possible brain damage, all of the tubes and procedures that I never even knew existed... Not to mention how many things can still go wrong, even though Jay's presumably safe.

I'm not even sure what that word means anymore. Safe. Jay's never safe, hasn't been for years and I don't only mean his job. He's always in danger of getting caught up in some messed up memories from the past that he has no control over.

It's scarry to think about. And it doesn't help that Will seems just as worried as me. You may think that's just because Jay's his little brother and he's being overprotective, but I can see the look on Connor and Ethan's face. They're all worried and it frightens me.

_Beep._

I'm startled by one of the machines connected to the pale boy in front of me. Which one was it this time? The heart monitor, the one checking his oxygen levels, the one managing his breathing? I have no idea. None of the numbers seem to be flashing in red, so I'm guessing it wasn't anything life-threatening, which allows me to settle back down into my uncomfortable friend also known as the chair.

"You're gonna drive me nuts, kid" I say, tired of getting lost inside my head. It's not a safe place to be, especially for longer periods of time.

I'm alone with Jay at the moment, so the beeping and whooshing machines are the only things keeping me company. Rhodes finally managed to drag Will down to the cafeteria in order to eat something, since he's been refusing to do so for almost three days. Not that I've been any better. I've hardly left at all. Can you blame me? This kid's like a son to me.

"I figure you're my karma for all of the bad things I've done in life. You know?" In case you were wondering, I don't know what I'm trying to do. Jay's still very much unconscious, and unless the chair and machines count, I'm more or less talking to myself. "Always getting hurt and making me have a terrible backache... You're paying for my chiropractor when you wake up."

I glance at the clock. I have no clue what time it is, since the light's never go off in the ICU. You tend to lose sense of time. It's equally likely to be day and night. The outside world might as well be ending, and I wouldn't know.

It's just me and him. And the chair. And the terrifying machines keeping him alive.

"All this sleep doesn't really look good on you, kiddo, so how about you just wake up already and start annoying the life out of me. I won't even complain. I've already lost Justin, and then Erin... Don't be the third. There's so much left for you to live for."

_Beep._

"What'd you say? You agree with me? Well thank you, heart monitor, I'm glad we're on the same page."

What am I doing? I'm talking to a machine. I'm definitely losing it.

_Beep._

"You know what? I'm getting really tired of your boring respones. You could at least try to be more entertaining-"

_Be-beep._

Well that was different. What was that? Do I need to start screaming for help or should I throw a wake-up party? How could these lines possibly mean anything other than 'he's alive'?

_Beeep._

Yeah, that's definitely helping me. Thank you for that. What would I do without you?

I'm looking at the numbers on the screen, trying to spot the difference, when the person next to me squirms. I don't want to get my hopes up in case he's still sleeping, but at this point I can't help it. I clutch his hand as if my life depends on it.

"Jay?"

His eyes flutter almost immediately, making my heart jump a little. He's definitely waking up, I just hope he's not as out of it as he was the last time.

"Can you open your eyes, buddy?"

After quite a bit of struggle, he manages to peal his eyelids open and looks straight at me. I'm looking at tired and dazed, but undeniably kind eyes I've come to know so well over the last few years. I can't help but smile.

"Hey." I know he can hear me. I can see it in his eyes. "You've got to be kidding me. You sleep for three days straight and you choose the five minutes that your brother's not here to wake up. Unbelievable." I pause, trying to figure out if he understands what I'm saying or if he's just listening, trying to identify the words. "You're gonna have a lot of explaining to do once he comes back and don't expect me to clean up your mess. I've had to deal with him for three days, which is more than enough." I pause. "It's good to have you back though."

He blinks and just for a moment I can see the sparkle I've been missing so much. Sadly, it's soon overshadowed by fear and what I identify as pain.

His eyes squeeze shut and his face scrunches up just as an alarm goes off. I slam the call button on the wall and pray for somebody to get here as soon as possible. Preferably before Jay freaks out completely.

"Hey, calm down, buddy. Everything's okay, just relax." I look at him, trying to identify the cause of his discomfort. And that's when I understand.

He's discovered the breathing tube.

His hands fly up to his mouth, trying to pull out the tube. Luckily, I manage to peal his fingers away before he manages to do any damage.

"No, no, no. Leave that alone. It's helping you breathe."

His heart rate is dangerously high, which sets off another alarm. He's gagging around the invasive tube, trying to pull his hands out of my firm grip. Lucky for me, he's still way weaker than normal, courtesy of the pain meds. Since there's nothing I can do to help him, I beging a steady stream of soothing words.

I can hear footsteps running down the hallway, before Will bursts through the door, almost breaking it off, before stopping dead in his place. Rhodes is hot on his heals almost knocking his colleague over.

"What's happening?" Rhodes wonders hysterically, before noticing the struggle between Jay and I.

"I think somebody doesn't like that tube very much" I supply, never taking my eyes off of Jay.

Will's face lights up like a Christmas tree once he realizes his brother's awake and he immediately rushes over and puts his hands on Jay's cheeks.

"Jay? Can you hear me?"

I can hear the fear in his voice, knowing exactly what he's fearing.

_PTSD, concussion, possible brain damage._

They're all legitimate fears, though Jay's eyes, which suddenly snap open, seem to do the trick and calm Will down in an instant.

"Hey, buddy" he whispers, tears filling his eyes.

**Will's P.O.V.**

He's finally awake. I couldn't be happier. I honestly think it's humanely impossible to be any happier than I am right now. My heart might pop out of pure joy, but I can see my brother's freaking out, so I can't allow myself to have an inner party right this second.

He comes first.

"Hey, it's alright, relax" I say, grabbing hold of his hand. He's coughing and gagging because of the ET tube. Sadly, he has to stay on the vent for at least a few more hours, just to be safe. "I know it sucks, buddy, but the tube has to stay for a little longer. I know it's annoying and you hate it, but it's helping you breathe, so try not to fight it. Let it do the work for you."

He's squeezing my hand to the point it hurts, but I don't care. Whatever he needs in order to get through this is fine with me. After a bit more coaxing he manages to relax. "There you go, great job."

Rhodes is standing next to Voight examining the monitors, while I tend to my brother.

"Do you know where you are? Just nod yes or no."

He looks around to make sure he's right and gives me a tiny nod.

"Good. Do you know what happened?"

He thinks for a second, before shaking his head.

"That's okay, it's completely normal." His heartbeat spikes again, notifying me of his distress. "Relax, relax, there's no need to stress about this."

Rhodes leans over and joins the examination, having noticed I've mostly lost the Dr. in my title. I'm more or less just being a worried brother right now.

Rhodes pulls out a penlight and flicks it over my brother's eyes. His pupils are still sluggish, though his eyes never break eye contact with mine.

That is until Rhodes goes to prod at the chest tubes. That's when Jay realizes the breathing tube isn't the only thing sticking out of his body.

He lifts his head up, trying to see the extent of his injuries and I can _see_ the color drain from his face rapidly. His heart goes crazy and he starts trashing around.

"No, no, no. Jay!" I yell, trying to hold him still. "Calm down. It's okay, you're safe. I've got you. You're fine, I promise."

Rhodes and Voight have successfully pinned my brother down, though his eyes are still as scared as ever. That leaves me to do the verbal explanation and hopefully put his mind at ease before Rhodes has to sedate him.

"Hey, it's okay. I know all of this looks scarry, but I promise there's nothing to worry about. I'll explain everything once you're feeling a bit better." He's still squirming around, despite Connor and Voight's hold, clearly not calming down.

"Will..." Connor warns me of the nearly inevitable sedative coming our way.

"I know" I whisper back, not wanting to interrupt my pep talk. "Jay, listen to me. All of the tubes and wires are there to help you and trust me, I'll be more than happy to take them out as soon as I can, but for right now, they need to stay there, okay? Just try to calm down."

He's shaking his head violently as if trying to express his disapproval.

"It's okay, kiddo, you'll be alright. Just relax" Voight joins in.

It takes almost five minutes of soothing words from all three of us, but we finally manage to get Jay to calm down. His body relaxes and he drops back into the pillows. His heart rate stabilizes and all of the alarms stop screaming at us for attention. Everything seems back to normal, but I have a feeling the reason for Jay's calmness is either pain or tiredness. His eyes are closed once again and I notice he's moving his fingers one after the other.

He's counting.

The only time he ever does that is when he's in pain or really stressed out and has no other way to keep himself from losing it. Mouse told me about this habit that Jay got overseas. It's his vent.

"Are you in pain?"

I recieve a small nod, which brakes my heart. I hate seeing him in pain, especially because I know he'd never admit he was hurting unless he the pain was excruciating.

I notice tears running down his cheeks, which means this is a lot worse than I would've ever thought.

"I'm sorry you're in so much pain, buddy." I transfer my attention to Rhodes "Can you-" I start to say, but he's one step ahead of me and has already pushed the button of the morphine drip connected to my brother. Jay's muscles relax and the lines on his face dissapear. It's probably going to be minutes before he falls asleep again now that the meds have taken the edge off and Jay is visibly calmer. Rhodes takes this as a sign to leave and excuses himself, while Voight settles back into his chair.

"Are you okay?"

His eyes open again and I know he understands what I'm asking. I know he's in pain and I know it's gonna take time, but he will heal and he will get better. It's the other part I'm worried about. The psychological part. I hate that he can't talk, because it's impossible for me to know what's going on in his head. That also means that I can't help him, which makes me feel useless. That's why I'm doing the only thing I can do. Trying to let him know that I'm here. I may not have always been here, but I'm here now.

He nods.

This is the part of my brother that usually stays hidden from the world. I used to be a part of that 'world', but lately he's been allowing me into the part of his life noone else knows about. The vulnerable part that hides all of his emotions and bad memories that he had a hard time controlling.

I hope he's being honest with me and not just trying to make me feel better. He probably notices that I'm over thinking something, because he gives my hand a squeeze and tries his best to smile around the tube.

"Get some rest" I whisper, squeezing his hand back. "I'll be right here."

_To be continued..._


	19. Colder Than Ice - part 6

**Will's P.O.V.**

"On three, I need you to cough as hard as you can, okay?" It's been about six hours since Jay woke up for the second time and he's finally able to be taken off the vent. I don't know how, but I've managed to convince Rhodes that unless he sees me, I'm not breaking any rules. That's why I get to be the one to take out the breathing tube, which Jay hates so much.

"Ready? One, two, three."

He immediately starts gagging and coughing, but luckily Voight's here to hold him down while I get rid of the tube.

"Just relax, kiddo, you're fine. You can breathe juat fine."

"I'll just put an oxygen mask on you to help you breathe better, so don't touch it, okay?" I gently fix the mask over his face and do a quick once over. He seems to be doing fine. "Take nice and easy breaths. You're doing great, buddy. Your throat might be sore for a while, so don't try to talk too much. Do you want some ice chips?"

He nods, so I carefully lift the mask and give him a spoonful of ice, before fitting the mask back over his face.

"Do you remember what happened?"

I can see that he's trying hard to remember, but after a while he sighs in frustration, notifying me of the answer.

"It's okay, it'll come to you eventually. No need to rush it." He gives me a small nod, but I know he won't stop biting his head off until he remembers everything. "What about him" I say, pointing at Voight. "Do you know who that is?"

"That is the meanest boss on this planet" he grins. Yeah, he's definitely more awake than I thought he would be. Voight rolls his eyes and lets go of Jay's hand.

"You still owe me a visit to the chiropractor."

That completely confuses my concussed brother, so I give Voight a nasty look. "Give him a break, he's still not completely with us. The concussion's likely to have a negative effect on him for at least a few more days."

"No need to defend him, I already know he's crazy. Concussion or no concussion." I try my best to suppress a laugh, not wanting to upset my brother, who has started to drift off into a slumber. "I'm gonna go home and crack my back, but I'll be back later. Call me if you need anything."

I nod and he leaves without another word, leaving me alone with Jay.

"How's the pain?" I ask now that Voight's not here and Jay might actually be honest with me.

"I'll live" he whispers with a raspy voice, before taking the oxygen maks off.

"Leave that on, Jay. You've just been extubated two seconds ago."

Obviously he doesn't obey.

"So, you gonna tell me what happened?"

I sigh in frustration. "I thought I told you not to talk yet."

"Come on, Will" jlhe begs. "How did I end up in here?"

I accept that fact that he's not gonna rest until I answer his question. "Fine, but then you're going to sleep. Deal?"

He gives me one of his grins and nods, so I fix the mask back over his face.

"You were suffering from a severe case of hypothermia, which is why you were brought here. In order to warm you up as fast as possible, we had to put you on a heart bypass, which is why there's a big incision in the middle of your chest. The chest tubes are there to drain the fluid away from your heart and should be removed in about 48 hours." I pause, trying to determine if he's still listening to me and it doesn't seem like he's dozed off yet, so I continue. "Your lungs weren't being inflated while you were on bypass, which is why we had to put you on a breathing machine after to help ypu breathe until you were strong enough. Speaking of which, you should try to breathe as deeply as you can and we'll do some breathing exercises to strengthen your lungs again."

Jay stays quiet for a few minutes, carefully examining all of the tubes and wires connected to him.

"What are those?" he asks, pointing at the other pieces of gauze.

"Those are incisions from surgery. Nothing to worry about." I've decided not to scare him with all of the unnecessary information, so I left some parts out. I'll tell him all about them once he's doing better.

He nods and lets his head fall back into the pillow. "So" he says enthusiastically, pulling the mask off once again "when can I go home?"

I can't help but roll my eyes. "Just put the mask back on and go to sleep."

Yeah, it's fun being Jay's brother.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

"Jay? Are you listening to me?"

I'm seriously starting to wonder wether or not my brain has turned into mush. I can hardly keep a conversation going for more than five minutes and then I just doze off.

It's getting really annoying real fast.

"Huh?"

"I said, are you listening to me" Rhodes repeats his previous question, not exactly helping me. I still have no idea what the conversation was about. "Jay, I can't take the tubes out unless you cooperate, so tell me now. Are you going to be able to focus long enough or not?

"Yeah, I'm focused. Just do it already."

I would pretty much do anything to get those painful things out of my chest.

"Alright, let me explain how this is gonna go. I'm going to remove the stitches and then I'm going to pull one tube after the other, okay? I'm not gonna lie to you, it's going to be painful, but just try and take some deep breaths and I'll give you something for the pain once we're done. Is that okay with you?"

This sounds like no fun, but it's not like I have a choice. The tubes are gonna have to come out eventually.

"Are you okay?" Will asks, squeezing my hand. I'm guessing he's noticed the fear displayed on my face and is starting to get worried.

I give him a quick nod and stare at the tubes willing them to disappear.

"You sure?" Will doesn't let up, making me even more scared than I was before.

"Why can't you do it?" I whine like a five year old. He looks at me with the softest eyes in the world, not judging me for being scared of a simple procedure.

"Because it's against policy. I'm sorry, buddy, but it was hard enough to convince Rhodes to let me take out the breathing tube-"

"Wiiiiill" I just about cry, not bothering to hide my fear anymore.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm gonna be right here. Everything's going to be fine. Five minutes and then it's all over."

I am well aware of the fact that I'm pouting, but I am officially at my last resort, willing to do anything to get my way.

"How about we start with the feeding tube and see how it goes?" Rhodes offers. "That one shouldn't hurt to take out."

I don't answer, instead I shoot Will a nasty glare.

"Come on, buddy, you can do it" he encourages me. I am beyond lucky that he's the patient one out of the two of us (especially when it comes to me), otherwise he probably would've stormed out of the room and left me to whine on my own.

Rhodes sighs and shares a look with Will, before speaking up. "Or we can leave them in until tomorrow and then-"

"No! I don't want them anymore" I whine.

"Okay, let's get started then."

Will squeezes my hand, while Rhodes pulls off the tape holding the feeding tube in place.

"It's going to feel a bit uncomfortable now" Rhodes warns, before pulling the impossibly long tube out of my nose, making me gag.

I quickly close my eyes and start taking deep breaths.

"Are you going to be sick?" Will asks to which I carefully respond with a meaningless moan.

"You alright, buddy?" Connor joins into the conversation. I would've replied to him, I really would, but I was too busy trying to swallow my own vomit. "Okay, just breathe for a second."

Thank you very much.

After a few minutes of breathing I seem to have control over my stomach again. Yaay me. "That was the easy one?! What are the others gonna feel like, ripping my heart out?" I glare at Rhodes, who laughs.

"You'll be fine, big guy."

He carefully removes the gauze around the chest tubes which is anything but pleasant. I can't help but look at the tubes sticking out of my chest. This is the first time I've seen them without the gauze, and let me tell you, they are disgusting.

"Hey, look at me" Will says, guiding my head towards his. "Try not to think about it."

So I keep my eyes locked on Will's until the very last stitch is gone.

"Here comes the fun part" Rhodes announces grabbing a piece of clean gauze. "I'll have to pull them out one by one and stitch the incisions..."

"You know what? I don't wanna know. Just go." I have no desire to get sick trying to imagine this procedure, although passing out might not be such a bad idea.

"Alright, you ready?"

Nod. Well, a scared nod. I don't think I'll ever be ready.

"Tell me if you need me to stop, okay?"

Another, even more scared nod.

"Alright, take a deep breath and hold it. I'm gonna pull on three."

Breathe in.

"One-"

Scream.

I don't know where two and three went, but I'm guessing Rhodes was trying to get it done and over with as soon as possible. Sad for me, it hurt anyways.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's done" Will whispers, squeezing my hand. Or maybe I'm the one squeezing his hand. I'm not really sure at this point. "Breathe, Jay."

What? Where'd the buzzing come from?

"Come one, buddy, deep breaths" Rhodes says, rubbing a hand on my chest.

Oh. I've been holding my breath this whole time. Oops, my bad. Alright, I can do it. In through my nose- ouch. That hurt.

"There you go, nice and easy. Just keep breathing. I'll give you some lidocaine before I do the stitches, okay?"

There's a burning sensation and then I don't feel anything anymore. I can hear Rhodes fiddling with something, but I can only guess he's stitching me up. I can't say for sure though, I must've closed my eyes at some point.

Will's talking. I think he's trying to distract me by telling me a story, but I can't focus enough to understand the words. His voice is helping though.

"Ready for the next one, buddy?" Rhodes asks, breaking my concentration. My breathing speeds up and my heart monitor goes crazy.

"He's freaking out" Will points out the obvious in a hushed tone.

"I know" Connor replies. "Think I should stop and give him a break?"

Oh god, please no. I don't wanna have to go through this again.

"Just- go fast" Will orders, successfully expressing my wish. Good job, bro. Ten points for brother of the year. "Deep breaths, Jay. You're doing great."

Right, breathing is painful, but important. Maybe it won't hurt as much if I think about something el-

Holy sssh- that hurts so bad.

This time I actually knew what I was expecting, which made this a hundred times worse. I can feel the tube slowly sliding out of my chest one inch at a time. It feels like it takes forever.

I lift my head up and stare a the bloody tubing, which seems even wider and longer than I thought it would be. And it's still sliding out of my chest. Slowly. How can it possibly be this long?!

My free hand subconsciously goes to grab the tube and yank it the rest of the way out.

"Will-" Rhodes yells at my brother once he notices me moving.

"No, no, no, Jay, don't touch anything" Will warns me, knocking my hand out of the way.

"Hold him still" Rhodes orders, finally pulling the tube out the rest of the way. Will pins both of my hands down, effectively restraining me. Time for the stitches.

"You're doing great, buddy, just keep breathing" Will joins the cheerleading squad. "One more and then it's all done and you can go to sleep."

Can't wait for that. Or you could knock me out right now and spare me some misery. This darkness that has partially taken over my brain seems very welcoming.

"Okay, last one" Connor speaks up again. "Deep breath."

The invasive plastic moves and I cry out in pain again. I can feel the tears streaming down my face, but I can't stop them. I can also hear someone screaming though I think that might be me.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry buddy. Almost done" Rhodes wispers and then the tube is gone.

My whole world is fuzzy.

I can hear Will and Connor talking in hushed tones somewhere far far away from me. My chest still feels like it's gonna explode, but my brain seems to have shut down. I feel the coldness of a stethoscope press against my chest in different places and an oxygen mask is once again resting on my face, supplying me with sweet oxygen.

Someone's rubbing my chest and something is squeezing my hand.

"-ay? You okay, buddy?"

That's Will and I'm pretty sure he's talking to me.

"You with us, Jay?"

That's Connor. And I have a feeling they're expecting an answer, so I give them a moan.

"Good. Can you breathe okay?"

"Hurts" I whisper.

"I bet. I'm gonna give you something for the pain, okay?"

I moan again.

"Try to get some sleep. I'll be right here" Will says gently.

"I didn't like this last part" I wheeze, making both of them laugh. That's the last thing I hear before slipping into a deep slumber.

**Will's P.O.V.**

"You found me" Jay says all of a sudden, startling me. I've just brought him home from the hopital, after he was released, and deposited him on his comfortable bed. It's been almost ten days since that terrifying freezing night. Up till now, he has shown no signs of having any memory of the events, however I'm starting to think that's not the case.

I look at him, not entirely sure I understood him correctly.

"That day" he pauses. "You saved me."

He's staring directly into my eyes, which makes this moment so much more intense.

"You mean..."

"I remember." Yeah, I understood him correctly. "I remember everything. All of it."

I can hear slight pain and sorrow in his voice, that make me want to punch something.

"Wanna talk about it?" I ask carefully, knowing he is very likely to shut down in situations like this. You know, when it's time to start expressing perfectly human emotions.

He stays silent.

He's staring out the window, probably lost somewhere in his own world, where noone else can hurt him. The only thing that _can_ hurt him, is himself. And I'm not gonna let that happen. Not this time.

"You don't have to talk to me about this if you don't want to, but please think about it." He doesn't respond. "Maybe you could talk to somebody else, like Rhodes or Choi. Or somebody on your team" I trail off, fully aware that I'm not going to make him budge unless he wants me to.

"How about you get some rest? It's been a long day." I'm not even sure he's blinking anymore. "Do you need anything?" No response. I know I'm gonna have to leave him alone eventually, but a part of me still hopes I can get him to open up. "Well, I'm here of you need me."

I turn to walk out of the room, when a whisper stops me.

"You."

"What?" I ask while turning back around, but I don't walk closer to him. I don't want to make him feel overcrowded or rushed. We have all the time in the world.

"That night... I went- I was looking for _you_."

I'm not exactly sure what he means, so I stay quiet. He'll tell me as much as he wants to.

"I had a nightmare. You were kidnapped." Oh. Now I understand. And it brakes my heart. He was worried about me and he got hurt because of it. "They took you, and- it all felt so real."

He's crying.

So this was PTSD. If it were a regular nightmare, he would've woken up, not ended up in the middle of nowhere on one of the coldest nights. This is why I hate PTSD so much. It's unpredictable. One day you're fine, and the next day... you're not.

I step closer to the bed, wanting nothing more than to hug him and tell him it's okay, but I can't do that. Not yet. I have to let him finish first.

"I had to save you."

He's sobbing now. I'm not sure how far I should push him, but maybe getting it off his chest will help him. I have to try.

"So you went looking for me" I finish his thought. He nods. "And then what happened?"

It takes him a few minutes, but he continues. "They were doing horrible things. Torturing you. And I-" his voice breaks. "I couldn't- I couldn't find you."

Oh my god.

This is terrible.

I'm having a hard time just listening to this. I can't imagine how he must've felt.

"I could hear you screaming, so I just- I ran as fast as I could."

He's counting again. I can see his fingers moving over and over again. From one pinkie to the other and then all the way back. And then again. And again.

"Your voice was getting lower and lower until everything got silent. You were dying. And there was nothing I could do about it." There's a long pause and for a second, I think this is all I'm going to get out of him. "I must've tripped over something... Then there was pain, but even that disappeared after a while, and I was-" a gasp stops him from finishing the sentence.

"You were what?"

"I was happy. I was happy I was dying too. I was happy that I didn't have to live in a world without you."

"Oh, Jay..."

"I thought I lost you." His sobs turn into gasps and he's crying harder than I've ever seen him cry. I'm next to him in two seconds and he just about melts into my embrace. "Sssh, it's okay. I'm here." He cries for a while and I just hold him, whispering reassurance into his ear, until he's calm enough to continue.

"And then there was your voice again. Except this time it was calm and warm... reassuring me that I was okay" he trails off. "I called you, didn't I?"

I bite my lip, fearing what might happen next. "Yes" I whisper and he just waits. He waits for me to continue, so I tell him my whole side of the story. He listens in silence and once I'm finished, he continues to sit still and stare out the window.

"Jay?" I say after a while, scared of letting him chew on this for too long.

"You saved me."

"Ruzek did. Your whole team saved you and then Rhodes-"

"No" he stops me. "You saved me. They wouldn't have even known something was wrong if it weren't for you. I called you, not them. You." He pauses and shifts uncomfortably. "You saved me."

"You're in pain" I point out, having noticed his wince.

"It's not too bad."

Of course it's not. Jay would never admit he was in pain unless he was half way unconscious and therefore unaware of it.

I get up and walk into the bathroom, grabbing two pills and a cup of water and basically shove them in my brother's face.

"Take them."

"Will, I'm fi-"

"I swear to god Jay, I will hurt you if you say you're fine. Now take the damn pills."

He carefully takes the glass from me and swallows them without further complaining.

"Thank you, now lay down."

He opens his mouth to say something, but changes his mind after I give him a nasty stare. Smart choice. I would've sedated him if I had to.

I help him settle into his fluffy pillows and pile all of his blankets on top of him, careful not to mess with the incision site.

"You okay?" I ask once he's barely noticeable among the sheets. His eyes have already gained the hazy look from the meds, but he gives me a nod nevertheless. "Good, get some sleep."

I get about a step away from the bed when Jay's hand latches onto mine.

"Stay" he whispers barely auditable, but I immediately stop and sit on the edge of his bed.

"Scoot over" I whisper and lay down next to him once there's enough space for both of us. He turns on his side and rests his face on my chest, just like when we were little.

"Thanks for finding me."

"Always."

_The end._


	20. The Greatest Gift My Parents Ever Gave Me

**Al's P.O.V.**

"Where the hell is he?" Voight exclaims walking out of his office.

"Um... sarge?" Ruzek responds with a questioning look.

"Do any you know where Halsted is on this lovely morning?"

"No-" Ruzek quickly says, before being interrupted by Voight's rambling again.

"In case you haven't noticed, he's twenty minutes late. And he's never late."

"Okay, no need to overreact, Hank. Maybe he just overslept" I try to defend my absent friend.

"Oh please, that kid couldn't oversleep to save his life."

I have to admit, he's got a point.

Just as I'm about to dial Jay's number, he walks through the door. Not really paying attention to any of us, he heads straight for his desk in silence and just about collapses into his chair.

"Good morning to you too" Adam jokes with a grin, obviously in a much better mood than Halstead. "Rough night?"

"Huh?" Jay says, almost oblivious to the world around him.

That's when I notice the green tint to his face. His pink cheeks stand out in comparison to his paleness and to be honest, it seems as if he's just about ready to puke.

"You okay, kid? You don't look so good" I ask unable to hide the concern in my voice.

"M'good, Al" he slurs in response.

That didn't exactly sound convincing. Apparently, we are on one word statements, as that's all the kid can manage.

"Sure you are." Crouching in front of him, I carefully study his face. Other than his flushed cheeks, nothing seems obviously wrong. "You getting sick?" I continue to assess his condition. It wouldn't be the first time Jay showed up at work with a fever.

"Nnn" he whines, quickly getting up from the chair, only to double over in pain, his hand clutching his head. "Argh."

I quickly grab his shoulders to steady him. "What's wrong?" he ask alarmed. The sudden change of events seems anything but normal, especially for Jay. This kid would never ever express pain in front of us. Unless he was unaware of it or unable to hide it anymore. This whole ordeal has gained attention from the whole team, which is why Dawson and Ruzek are now standing behind Jay, ready to help if needed.

"M'head" Jay whispers in response.

"You have a headache?" I'm about to give him Tylenol and let it go, thinking it's just a random migraine, when he speaks up again.

"Nnn" he whines. "Dfrnt"

Okay, so this is not one of the normal headaches. That could either be good news, meaning it was just a stupid virus, or bad news, meaning it was something serious. In that moment, Jay turns a shade greener and I barely manage to push a trashcan in front of his face, before he starts retching helplessly. We all wait silently, while I gently rub the kid's back in circles. Once Jay has emptied all the contents of his stomach, I continue.

"Alright, kiddo. Sit down" I say, pushing him back into the chair, and causing him to groan in pain. "Jay, listen to me. Did you hit your head?"

After a few seconds he shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

I don't remember Jay hitting his head in the past few days either. I glance around the room and get a negative response from everyone else as well, so this probably isn't a concussion. Unless, of course, Jay doesn't actually remember hitting his head due to a concussion.

This is brilliant.

I quickly place one hand to Jay's forehead checking for any sign of fever, but to my surprise, it doesn't feel warm. That's strange.

"You think he caught whatever Kevin has?" Haley asks, referring to the fact that our teammate has been sick in bed for the past few days.

"I don't think so" I mumble, trying to put the pieces together. "He doesn't have a fever."

"Jay, does anything else hurt?" Antonio tries his best to help figure out what's going on.

Again, the kid shakes his head in response, before he mumbles a response "Tired."

That makes my heart drop.

Not the migraine type of a headache, nausea, no fever, pink cheeks, tiredness.

"Oh my god." Finally putting the pieces together, this sounds all too much like carbon monoxide poisoning. "Guys, help me get him up" I usher Adam and Antonio who happen to be standing the closest to Jay. "We need to get him outside right now." I notice everyone tense up. Antonio gives me a look, but slides one of Jay's arms across his shoulders to lift him up nevertheless.

"What? What's going on?" Adam asks expressing everyone's confusion, but does the same.

"I'll explain in a minute, but we really need to get him out in the fresh air" I usher.

"Come on, buddy, let's get you up" Antonio says in order not to surprise a former ranger when he's half way passed out.

As soon as they lift him up, Jay's knees buckle and he would've face planted if it weren't for his teammates.

"Come on, buddy. You're gonna have to do a little more walking than that" Antonio gently encourages his friend. The dead weight probably isn't too bad, but the fact that Jay seems unable to stand worries the crap out of all of us.

"Cnt" Jay slurs, before gasping for air. "Dizzy." Another gasp.

Shortness of breath and dizziness. Another two symptoms agreeing with my diagnosis.

"Okay. You're gonna be fine, buddy. We got you" Adam soothes him, trying his best to hide his own concern.

After having successfully dragged our almost unconscious teammate out of the precinct, Antonio and Adam gently sit him on the ground, before crouching next to him. The rest of the team is obviously two seconds behind us, so the whole Intelligence is now gathered on the sidewalk. Jay's even paler than he was before, while his cheeks have become a very nice shade of red. His breaths are coming in sharp and shallow and he's also swaying a bit.

"Deep breaths, Jay" I instruct, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, before turning to Antonio. "Call an ambulance."

He immediately gets up and dials 911.

"How you doing, kid?" I continue, receiving no response. "Jay?" Nothing. "You with me?" Nothing.

I try shaking him a bit, while checking his pulse. Suddenly, I feel Jay tense up and go completely still.

"Jay?!"

Before I could do anything, Jaystarts to convulse.

"Dammit. Antonio!" I yell, getting his attention, hoping he'll give the new piece of information to the EMT on the phone. Haley is one closer to losing her mind, if Kim's comforting words are anything to go by. Adam is staring at the scene in front of him, while Hank drops down on the opposite side of me, ready to help. We lower Jay into a laying position on, and helplessly watch him have a full-blown seizure, unable to do anything about it. Luckily, I remember to glance at my watch to keep track of time.

After 37 seconds, which seem to last an eternity, the seizing finally stops.

"How far out's that ambo?"

"About four minutes" Antonio responds, his voice breaking in fear.

Hank and I carefully turn Jay on his side to keep him from choking and once again I find myself rubbing circles on his back, except this time more to calm myself down than to help my unconscious friend. Haley also sat down and took hold of one of Jay's hands whispering soothing words to her partner.

True to their words ambulance 61 shows up minutes later with Gabby and Brett pushing the stretcher towards our group.

"What happened?" Gabby asks, kneeling next to Jay. There's a hint of shaking in her voice, which makes sense. They were a thing a while back and seeing your friend unconscious sucks. She calls Jay's name a couple of times while rubbing a hand on his chest. I immediately blurt out all of the information I have (which to be fair is not a lot), while both girls start working on Jay. They take his blood pressure, heart rate and connect him to an oximeter, which beeps at us angrily.

"His sats are low" Brett announces "Put him on 100% oxygen." Gabby places an ambu bag connected to oxygen on Jay's face and squeezes a few times, forcing air deep into his lungs for him. After that, she slides a mask over his face, letting him breathe on his own.

"Have you called Will yet?" Brett asks, making the knot in my chest tighten even more. As much as I hate seeing Jay hurt, having to deal with a worried overprotective Halstead brother is awful as well. Apparently my lack of response speaks a thousand words. "You want me to do it?" she offers, but I shake my head. I feel responsible for the kid, which means I have to be the one to break the news to his brother once again. How many times am I going to find myself in this situation?

After exchanging some more gibberish sentences, understandable only to doctors, Gabby and Sylvie strap Jay onto the stretcher and load him into the bus. I quickly jump in after him, not giving it a second thought. If there's even the slightest chance of Jay waking up during the ride, I need to be there. A confused former ranger strapped down inside of a loud ambulance, full of beeping machines isn't exactly an ideal situation.

I pat my pockets down and manage to find my phone rather quickly. Having no other choice, I dial the number of a person, whose day is about to be turned upside down.

"Hello?"

I can tell he has no clue who's calling him, otherwise he'd be freaking out already.

"Will, it's Al." I'm greeted with about ten seconds of silence, before a shaky terrified voice voices the dreaded words.

"Is he alive?"

"We're on our way to Med right now, so do him a favor and pull yourself together, okay?"

There's another pause filled with deep inhales and long exhales. "Yeah" he breathes out "yeah, okay." He hangs up after that, probably running to get the best possible doctors out there to treat Jay. Or he's trying to convince Goodwin he can keep it together and work on his own little brother. Either way, I know he's starting to fight his brother's battle just in case Jay's body decides to give up.

I put my phone away and grab a hold of one of the limp hands in front of me ans squeeze as hard as I can.

Before reaching the hospital, Jay suffers another two seizures, which aren't any less terrifying than the first one, but luckily, his condition doesn't change otherwise. More importantly it doesn't deteriorate. After eleven very long minutes the door finally opens to reveal more or less every doctor available in the city of Chicago.

Family always gets the best treatment.

"Jay? Jay, can you hear me?" Will immediately asks, grabbing the other limp hand as we move through the ER.

"What do we have?" Choi asks, giving the unconscious detective a once over.

"Suspected severe exposure to carbon monoxide. Complained he wasn't feeling well, then collapsed. He suffered three seizures in the past fifteen minutes. Oxygen levels are at 76%, BP 89/60" Gabby lists all of Jay's vitals.

"Has he woken up at all?" Will asks worriedly.

"Not since the first seizure" I answer, giving him a sympathetic look.

"Alright, let's get blood work and scans done, and start him on another IV. Keep him on 100% oxygen and let's get him up to the ICU. Have a vent on standby in case we need it" Choi orders, before looking at Will. "You stay with him in case he wakes up. We don't want him to panic."

We'll that's not what I expected to hear. Normally, every single family member gets kicked out rather quickly, especially if their name is Will Halstead. Choi must understand what waking up confused feels like to a former soldier.

Will gives him a thankful smile, never letting go of Jay's hand.

I don't follow the gurney inside the trauma room. Instead, I keep staring at the kid through the window. Every single doctor or nurse in the room seems to be rushing, except for Will. Will's time has stopped, just like mine and it's gonna stay like that until Jay's all bubbly and annoying again.

"Al?" Maggie startles me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you have a seat in the waiting room and I'll come get you as soon as there's any news, okay?"

"Yeah" I whisper after a second. Whatever is best for the kid.

**Al's P.O.V.**

The 'as soon as possible' turns out to be more than two hours, which is really starting to get on my nerves. Not because I don't understand that these things take a while, but because Adam's been pacing in front of my face and it's driving me nuts.

"You trying to break your high score?" I finally ask, referring to the pedometer on his phone.

He shoots me a glare, but is luckily interrupted by Choi.

"How is he?" I immediately ask while standing up.

"He's gonna be just fine. Your assumptions were correct, Al. The blood work showed that the carbon monoxide levels reached 37%. He's still on oxygen and we're keeping a close eye on him in the ICU, especially because of his previous lung problems. That being said, I strongly believe he's going to make a full recovery."

If you heard a loud bang it was the sound of a stone rolling off of my heart. "Is he awake?"

"Not yet, but that's completely normal in cases like this. Will's with him" Choi explains.

"What about the seizures" Hank asks, still visibly worried about the kid.

"You mean are they permanent?" After receiving a nod, the doc continues. "No, I don't believe they are. They were caused by oxygen deprivation, however we did put him on Diazepam, which is an anti-seizure medicine, which should prevent them as well. It's just a precaution."

"Thank god" I whisper. "Can we see him?"

"Of course. Follow me."

He leads us to the ICU and shows us to a private room. As promised, Jay is still very much unconscious and way too still for my liking. An oxygen mask is fitted tightly against his face and the IV connected to the crook of his right hand. Several wires run from his chest to the heart monitor and a blood pressure cuff inflates itself every fifteen minutes. Other than that, Jay looks as if he were sleeping.

"Hey" Will greets us, looking much more relaxed than a couple of hours ago. He's sitting next to Jay's bed, holding his hand, while keeping an eye at the monitors. The mean absolutely nothing to me, but the seem to be extremely interesting to him.

I walk to the other side of the bed, taking hold of Jay's other hand. "Hey, kiddo. Glad you're still with us." I can see Will tense up at the thought of losing his brother. I can't say I blame him. "Are you ever going to stop scaring the hell out of me?"

Will smirks at that, before a very quiet 'probably not' is heard.

We stay silent after that, so I decide to study all of the medical equipment, trying not to freak myself out in the process.

"Severide called" I announce after a few minutes. "He says the heater is responsible for all this drama. Apparently it's broken, so you're both staying at my place until further notice, okay? Just to be on the safe side."

Will gives me a glimpse of a smile.

"He's way too stubborn to go down this easy."

After that, we just sit in silence, watching Jay's chest rise and fall, gratefully listening to his steady heartbeat.

**Al's P.O.V.**

"Listen, kid. I know you really appreciate your beauty sleep and all, but you gotta wake up at some point, hear me? I'm getting old here and staring at you 24/7 isn't as entertaining as you might think." Once again, I'm met with silence, just like every single time in the past two days. "Alright, alright, Take your time, just promise me, you _will_ actually wake up at some point."

As if on cue, Jay stirs. The movement is minimal, but it's definitely there.

"Jay?" I exclaim, clutching at his hand. "You with me, kid?"

"Mmm" Jay groans as his free hand tugs at the nasal cannula.

"Hey, sleeping beauty" I chuckle relieved, gently guiding his hand back down. "You took your time. You think you can open your eyes for me?"

"So bossy" Jay responds, his voice hoarse from the lack of use. He receives another laugh from me and eventually manages to pry his eyes open. His heart rate spikes almost immediately and he starts trashing around, successfully getting himself tangled up in the bed sheets.

"Woah, kiddo, relax. You're okay, just calm down" I try to soothe him, not succeeding whatsoever. Having no other choice but to pin him down to prevent him from hurting himself, I grab both of Jay's hands none too gently. "Jay, stop. Talk to me, tell me what's wrong."

Jay starts sobbing, making me even more worried. He's _never_ this upset.

"I'm here, kiddo. You're okay, I promise. Everyone's safe." We all know he has some serious protective instincts, so maybe this outburst was caused out of worry.

"Al" Jay gasps "I can't-" He starts sobbing before he can finish the sentence.

"What, Jay? You can't what?"

He doesn't respond to me. He just keeps gasping for air. Suddenly, my chest feels tighter than ever.

There are about a thousand of things that could potentially be wrong with Jay, so I decide to let the experts do their job and figure this out instead of me. I carefully let go of Jay's left hand and slam the emergency button on the wall. "It's okay, help's coming. Just breathe."

Jay's free hand reaches in my direction and clutches my awaiting hand. Seeing Halstead so scared breaks my heart, but I need to keep it together for the both of us.

"I know buddy, I know" I whisper, squeezing his hand.

The door bursts open to reveal an extremely excited Will and a curious Ethan.

"Is he awake?" Will blurts out, before he notices the wailing of the heart monitor, the constant sound of gasping and the flying limbs. "Jay?" he says alarmed, before rushing over and stroking Jay's hair.

"What happened?" Choi asks once he approaches the bed and studies the monitors for any sign of trouble.

"I don't know, he just woke up and..." I trail off, since I honestly don't know what's wrong. Both doctors are obviously aware of Jay's elevated heart rate and he seems to be breathing way too fast for their liking.

"Jay?" Try to calm down" Choi warns, grabbing his stethoscope. Jay doesn't seem to acknowledge anything. In fact, his breathing gets even faster and more irregular.

"Shh, hey, it's okay. Just relax" Will keeps as constant flow of soothing words going.

"Jay, can you hear me?" Choi tries once again, silencing the alarm of the heart monitor. Again, he receives no response. "He's having a panic attack" he announces, preparing a syringe. "He needs to calm down or we're gonna have to sedate him."

"Okay" I say, refusing to let him sedate Jay if we can avoid it. "Listen to me, kid. You're safe. Everyone's okay. I promise."

Nothing either Will or I say seems to help in the slightest. Just as I'm about to accept the fact that Jay's not gonna calm down any time soon, Will motions for me to lift Jay up and I decide not to question it. He carefully slides behind Jay and leans him against his chest. Jay is now completely hyperventilating, which is why Choi reaches for Jay's IV.

"Wait" I whisper, making him stop midway. "Give them a second."

"Alright, buddy. Breathe with me" Will whispers into his brother's ear, over exaggerating his breathing. "In... and out. In... and out." One of his hands is resting on Jay's chest, monitoring his breathing.

Choi and I stand back, admiring the scene in front of us. Jay starts responding almost immediately and tries his best to mimic Will. His hand are still clutching the sheet though and the oximeter still isn't pleased with his oxygen levels.

"Put this on him" Choi says, offering Wil an oxygen mask. Apparently, he's aware of Jay's mild case of claustrophobia, which only appears when he feels threatened and is somewhat out of it (for example right now). There's no point in giving him another reason to panic.

Will holds the mask close to Jay's face, so that it never actually touches him, while he continues his encouraging pep talk. After a few more minutes, Jay finally starts to relax.

"That's it, buddy. Good job" Will whispers, relieved. "Just breathe."

Jay is now collapsed against Will, but both Choi and the monitors seem way more content than before. A few more minutes pass, before Jay shifts in Will's arms.

"Jay? Tell me if you can hear me now" Will says, earning a soft moan from his brother. "You okay?" Another moan.

I can see Choi chuckle, as he puts the sedative back in drawer.

Will glances at the monitor, noticing Jay's sats are still a bit low.

"I'm gonna put an oxygen mask on you, okay? Just to help you breathe a bit better." All Jay can manage is a nod. Once the oxygen mask is in place, his breathing evens out and Jay falls asleep in his brother's arms.

"It's amazing the kind of relationship you have" Choi comments, making Will and I smile. "You're obviously exactly what he needs right now. Be there for him."

"Trust me, he's stuck with me, whether he likes it or not."

_The end._


	21. The Secret Of Life - part 1

**Will's P.O.V.**

The second I walk through the front door, the only thought in my head is my lovely comfortable bed. It's two in the morning and the twenty hour shift I just finished drained me to the point where I don't even have the energy to eat. And _that_ says something.

I head straight for my bedroom, but not before I pause in front of Jay's room. Ever since we've been living in the same apartment, I've felt the need to always check on him before I go to sleep. You know... make sure he actually made it home alive and didn't die on a bust or something.

I can hear him breathing through the door, which allows me to relax and become even more exhausted, if that's even possible. Just as I'm about to walk towards my room, Jay coughs. Normally, a simple cough is nothing to worry about, but not when it comes to Jay.

I open the door as quietly as I possibly can and stick my head inside the room. It's pitch black, which means I can see absolutely nothing, but I can definitely hear the constricted breaths coming from my brother. Great. I was right, this wasn't just a random cough. I manage to run into the corner of Jay's bed and almost break my pinkie toe off. After cursing for a good ten seconds, I continue my way towards my brother who has yet to wake up. I find that extremely strange and not at all calming, because my normally very jumpy brother, who often reminds me of a cat, usually wakes up before I even leave work. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but any sort of sound freaks him out on his bad days.

My point is Jay should've definitely woken up when I crashed into his bed, and the fact that he hasn't... worries me to say the least.

My eyes finally adjust to the darkness and I successfully reach his side. I can't actually _see_ him, because he's drowning somewhere among the blankets and pillows, but after a bit of digging I manage to touch his clammy skin.

"Jay. Hey, wake up, you're wheezing" I whisper, trying not to startle him. We all know how that would end. Scaring a former ranger... not a smart choice.

He doesn't seem to hear me, so I shake him a little, while uncovering his head. Now that I think about it, the wheezing is actually a lot worse, than I thought it was. The blankets must've muffled some of the sound.

"Come on, Jay. Time to wake up" I try once again, receiving a soft moan, followed by a coughing fit. I wait for the coughing to subside, before I continue. "You're wheezing, Jay, so we need to get that under control, okay? I'll let you go back to sleep soon, I promise."

He doesn't respond, which makes me wonder whether or not he fell back asleep. I guess it's time to become the mean brother. "Alright, have it your way" I announce, before dragging all of the blankets off of him, making him shiver.

"Mmm" he moans, coughing a little. "Wht you doin?"

"Trying to wake you up, so are you awake or do I need to get a bucket of ice cold water?"

"M'awake" he responds quickly, flipping around. "Gimme my blankie."

Yeah. He still acts like a five year old when he's tired, if you were wondering. But I gotta admit it makes waking him up _way_ more fun for me.

"Where's your inhaler?" I ask, ignoring his adorable request.

"Blankie" he whines again, before taking some very horrible sounding breaths and burying his face in the pillow.

"Alright here's the deal. You tell me where your inhaler is and I'll give you your blankie back."

"Tpdrwr."

I roll my eyes, trying my best not to laugh at him. "I'm sorry, I don't speak muffled pillow."

He groans and lifts his head. "Top drawer."

"Thank you" I respond, throwing the blanket over him and hoping he doesn't fall back asleep in three seconds. I dig through the mess inside of his drawer and find his old inhaler, which I haven't needed in years. I'm going to be really happy if it's not expired.

"Come on, sit up a little" I order, dragging Jay into a half sitting position. The movement makes him burst into a coughing fit as his breathing becomes even more labored. "Here, two puffs" I say, pushing the inhaler in Jay's hand.

He makes a face, but complies.

I give him a minute to catch his breath, before speaking up. "You okay?" He nods, sliding back into a laying position. "Can you breathe okay?" He gives me another nod and closes his eyes. I guess that's my cue to leave him alone and let him sleep.

"Alright, if anything happens-"

"I'll wake you up. I promise" he cuts me off.

"Okay. Good night, Jay."

I don't close the door behind me, because the knot in my chest refuses to go away for some reason. Maybe it's because Jay hasn't had problems with his asthma in years and this came as a total surprise. I hope it was just a one time fluke though, because I have no desire of reliving his old attacks from childhood.

I finally get into my bed, keeping an eye out for any sign of wheezing from the room across the hall, but eventually, I fall asleep.

**Will's P.O.V.**

3:47

That's what time it is the next time I almost have a heart attack.

I am out of the bed and sprinting down the hallway in two seconds, trying to get to my brother as fast as humanly possible. I slam the door open even wider and immediately notice the source of my awakening.

Jay is collapsed on the floor, gasping for air. The drawer, containing his inhaler is open wide and the things that once used to be inside of it thrown all over the floor.

"Shit" I whisper, dropping down next to him. "Jay? Can you hear me?"

He doesn't answer me verbally, he does however blindly reach for my shirt and entangles his fingers into it.

"Okay, just relax. How bad is it?" I'm not sure why I felt the need to ask that question, since I can obviously tell he's struggling.

"Ba- d" he wheezes in between gasps.

"Have you used your inhaler?"

"Nt wrkin."

Damn it. "Okay, don't talk" I say as calmly as I can, given that I'm in panic mode. "I'll go get your nebulizer, okay?"

He nods, so I jump on my feet and run towards his closet. I'm hoping that's still where he keeps all of his medicine, otherwise a 911 call is going to be my only option, and I'm guessing Jay won't be too happy about that.

"How you doing, buddy?" I ask while throwing everything in my reach out of the closet. Wheezing is the only answer I get. "Just hang in there, we'll figure this out." I finally find the right box and rush back over to my brother, who's now lying in a fetal position, gasping for air.

"Here we go, just a little longer" I say, pulling a packet of Albuterol out of the box and unwrapping it. I fight to open one of the plastic nebules, constantly aware of the fact that my brother is barely breathing anymore. "Stay with me, buddy. Stay with me." I fill the medicine cup and turn the machine on.

I quickly put the mask over his face and secure the strap. One of my hands ends up on his chest to monitor his breathing, while the other one is squeezing his hand.

"Here you go, buddy, slow deep breaths. Come on, nice and easy."

Jay doesn't respond to me, but he does breathe in the mist. His shoulders are barely moving and his eyes are open, but completely unfocused. This has to be one of the worst attacks he's ever had.

I am only now able to wrap my head around what has just happened. And it scares me. He could've easily stopped breathing. And if I hadn't woken up when I did… I shouldn't think like that. Not right now.

"Wi-" he wheezes from under the mask, but I interrupt him.

"Shh, don't talk. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Just breathe."

I wish I could just snap my fingers and this would all be over, but I know that's impossible. I have to give the medicine time to start working and since this was a pretty bad attack it might take a bit longer.

After about fifteen minutes, he looks much more comfortable and his breathing sounds way better. He's exhausted though, coming in and out of consciousness.

I know he needs to rest, but I feel like it's too soon to move him to a bed, so I lay down on the floor next to him and start dozing of myself. I'm still dead tired, but I never let go of his hand.

I don't know how much time passes by, but next thing I know, the clammy limp hand resting inside of mine moves and squeezes. I snap my eyes open to see bright blue eyes staring back at me. He looks much more alert than before.

"Hey" I whisper, rubbing my hand over his arm. "Can you talk yet?"

He blinks a few times before giving me a tiny nod.

"Good" I say, removing the mask and turning the nebulizer off. "How're you feeling?"

"Like a truck is parked on my chest" he whispers barely audibly. I can definitely still hear the wheeze, but it's much better than before. And more importantly not as life-threatening.

"That great, huh?" I sigh, relieved he's somewhat okay for the time being. "How about we get you off this floor?"

A glimpse of a smile appears on his face, so I carefully help him sit up and lean against the side of the bed. I notice his eyes are squeezed shut, knowing what that means.

"You okay?"

"Dizzy" he whispers.

"That's normal, just rest a little." It takes him a few minutes before he opens his eyes again. "You good?"

"Yeah" he responds, trying to stand up. I grab his arms before he can get very far though, hopping to prevent a face plant.

"How about letting me help you?"

He smirks, letting me take most of his weight. After a bit of struggling, he's sitting on the edge of the bed, looking just about ready to collapse. "Come on, lay down" I say, guiding his legs on the bed and helping him get settled. The wheeze is still there, so I decide not to let him lay completely flat on his back, just to be on the safe side.

"How about we lift you up a little more to help you breathe better?"

I pull him into a sitting position and jam every pillow he owns behind his back, so that he's at a 45 degree angle, before covering him with a blanket.

"Scoot over" I order, waving my hand in front of his face. He shoots me a disapproving glare, which I disregard. "Forget it, I'm sleeping here tonight."

He rolls his eyes, but I can see a smile appear on his face.

I climb into bed next to him and he immediately snuggles up against my chest, his breathing evening out. Just like old times.

I'm starting to think he's sound asleep when he whispers "Thank god you're here." I can't keep the tears from falling down my cheeks.

"I'm glad you're okay."

**Will's P.O.V.**

Jay's alarm goes off at six in the morning, scaring the hell out of me. It must be the loudest thing I've ever heard in my life.

It takes Jay a while to hear it, but as soon as he's halfway awake he's up and out of the bed. I don't miss the swaying though, so I get up, ready to catch him if he collapses.

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask, making him pause for a second.

"Work."

That's it. That's all he says. I swear that one little word is gonna drive me nuts someday.

"What do you mean _work_? You just had two asthma attacks in one night after going years without them. You're taking a day off and we're getting you checked out."

"No way" Jay replies as he walks into the bathroom and slams the door in my face.

Well, that went well.

I realize that I'm probably not going to make him budge, so I might as well make him a decent breakfast and force him to eat it before work. Fifteen minutes later he walks into the kitchen fully dressed, with damp hair and horrific bags under his eyes.

I eye him critically, pushing a plate of food towards him.

"Eat."

"I'm not hungry" he replies, heading for the front door, before I step in his way, making him stumble directly into me. Wow, his reflexes are slow.

"I don't care. You're either eating it or I'm calling Voight. And he _will_ bench you."

I can tell Jay's not happy about the turn of events, but he turns around and eats everything without another word.

"Take it easy today okay?" I say, earning a glare from him. "And if you feel bad or can't breathe well-"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll stop and call you" he cuts me off.

"You don't have to call _me_ , but please tell somebody, so they can help you." I pause, fully aware that he's annoyed. " _Promise me_."

"I promise, mom" he says as sarcastically as he possibly can and walks out the door.

You gotta love him.

**Jay's .P.O.V.**

My lungs feel so tight it's unreal.

And in case you were wondering, it's the most inconvenient timing ever, since we're in the middle of a bust.

It's a simple drug dealer bust, which happens to take place in a warehouse, but not just any warehouse. No. A five story high warehouse. And why is that bad? Because I'm the fastest one on the team, therefore I was one of the three people to have to take the top floor. And all of the fifty thousand stairs that lead to it. Awsome.

"Hey, are you okay?" Adam asked me when we were about half way up, having noticed my heavy breathing.

"Yeah…" I say, completely out of breath. "I just have a cough."

I don't think he bought it though, because he's been looking at me sideways ever since.

Once we finally reach the fifth floor, we walk into a pretty dark room made with no windows, the only source of light coming from a small cieling light. Normally, I would've been iffy about walking into such a room, but I was too busy trying to catch my breath to actually care.

Antonio and Hailey come running in after me, when all of a sudden, an incredibly loud bang is heard.

The door.

Remember how I mentioned that the room has no windows? Well it only has one door, which happens to made of steel. See where I'm going with this? That very same door has just closed and now that I look at it more closely, I notice the fact that there is no handle on the inside, which means we're trapped. An there are wires on the side.

Either that's just an extremely bad coincidence or we've just been ambushed.

"Damn it" Dawson curses, throwing himself against the door, hoping to get it open.

It doesn't work.

And my chest feels even tighter.

"Sarge… we have a bit of a situation" Ruzek radios Voight, while Dawson seeks for an exit.

 _"Meaning?"_ Voight asks, clearly confused by Adam's sarcastic comment.

I try to suck in a deep breath, but failing, which interrupts Adam's explanation of our current situation midsentence.

Both of my teammates stop what they're doing and stare at me, waiting for me to say something. But I can't. My inhales are coming in sharp and there is definitely a noticeable wheeze.

Shit.

I'm guessing this bust is about to go a little bit sideways.

"Jay?" Tony asks, carefully approaching me, probably unsure whether this is my claustrophobia kicking in or my PTSD or something completely different. Now that I think about it, it might me all of the above.

I stare in his eyes, terrified of what's about to happen.

We've just been ambushed, we're stuck in a room with a limited airflow and I'm having an asthma attack. Which my team doesn't know about, because I've never told them about it.

Talk about regretting my life choices.

"Jay, what's wrong?" Dawson asks, once he's only a few feet away from me. Adam quickly mentions my 'cough' that I lied to him about, before my head starts to swim and my knees buckle.

"Jay!" Dawson barely manages to catch me, before I collapse on the floor, heaving for breath. "Jay, can you hear me?" he asks, giving me a once over, seeking for any sign of injury. But there obviously isn't any. "This is _not_ a cough" he states as Adam crouches down next to us, clearly worried about me.

"Jay? Tell me what's wrong" Adam demands, rubbing a hand on my chest. This is it. I have to tell them the truth or I'm gonna die.

"Will" I gasp, unable to get more than a word out.

"Call his brother right now!"

_To be continued…_


	22. The Secret Of Life - part 2

**Will's P.O.V.**

It's been about four hours since the beginning of my shift and let me tell you, thanks to the whole ordeal with asthma, I am exhausted. I can't even imagine how tired Jay must be. And the more I think about it, the more I wanna take the day off and go pick him up before he collapses.

It's been awfully quiet at the ED this morning, which I hate, because I have nothing to do, so I'm even more sleepy than I would be. I know you're not supposed to say this, but to be honest, I'm silently kind of hoping that we have a trauma come in so I can occupy myself. Otherwise I might go crazy worrying about Jay.

"Hey, Will" Nat says with her soft and loving voice, before giving me a hug. How did I get this lucky?

"Hey" I respond, getting wrapped up in my thoughts once again. Jay never got his fairytale like I did. I'm all he's got.

"You've been quiet today" she states. "Is everything okay?"

I think she says something else, but I don't recognize the words. I can't stop thinking about the fear I saw in Jay's eyes. Asthma used to be a huge part of our lives when we were little, because Jay would get attacks pretty often. Since our father wasn't exactly in the picture when it came to consulting his children and mom was busy working, I often happened to be the only one there. At first I would get really scared every time an attack would happen and so would Jay, but since I was the older brother, I soon realized, I had to keep it together for him. So I did. I talked him through every wheeze, every gasp, every puff of his inhaler and held his hand until the attack passed. Asthma was one of the few things Jay was actually afraid of.

I can clearly remember the last attack Jay ever got. Well, until last night. I was a senior in high school. It was prom night and I had the most beautiful date. I felt like I was at the top of the world. Mom was working that night and dad was probably out drinking, which meant Jay was home alone. I had just bought my first cell phone, so I wrote my number on a sticky note and gave it to Jay, forcing him to promise me that he's going to call me if anything happens. Of course neither of us thought it was actually going to. It was supposed to be a perfect night.

We were dancing the night away when all of a sudden, my phone started ringing. My chest clenched immediately and I picked it up as fast as I could, but the music was so loud, I couldn't hear anything. I went outside and the only thing coming from the other side of the line was wheezing. It sounded like the person was barely getting any air. I ditched my date that day, and she never went out with me again. But I didn't care. Jay was more important.

I don't remember much after that, because I was in shock, but I know I must've broken every traffic law possible in order to get to our house as fast as possible. I ended up having to take Jay to hospital that day, because the nebulizer wasn't working. He had to stay the night and I refused to leave his side. That's how my mom found us the next morning. Jay in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask covering half of his face, and me slumped in a chair, still wearing the suit she bought me for my big night.

"Will?" Nat asks, rubbing my shoulder and trying to make eye contact with me. Crap, she must've asked me something.

"Sorry, what?"

"You just completely spaced for a minute" she explains. "What's wrong?"

I sigh, not entirely sure where to begin my explanation. After a while I settle for the beginning. "It's Jay."

Her face goes white in an instant probably fearing the worst. "Is he okay? Where is he?"

"Yes… no… I don't know."

"Okay…?" she says, clearly confused about my response. Suddenly, everything comes rushing out of me and I explain everything that happened last night. She listens to me quietly, only nodding every now and then, until I get to the part about him going to work.

"Wait hold on. You let him go to work?"

"No, of course not, but you know how stubborn he gets. I didn't exactly have a choice in the matter."

Nat rolls her eyes. "I wonder who he gets that from…" We stay quiet after that, until it gets awkward. "Listen, your brother's smart. He won't do anything stupid. He's going to be just fine."

She grimaces as soon as the words leave her mouth. We both know that sounds nothing like Jay, but I nod anyway, too tired to care.

"Dr. Halstead, broken leg in room four" Maggie yells from behind the desk. Well it's not exactly a big trauma, but I guess it's better than nothing.

**Antonio's P.O.V.**

Let me point out that this is _not_ how I imagined this bust to go. It was supposed to be quick and clean, and now… it's far from it, that's for sure.

One second we were running up the stairs and the next second we were trapped inside a freezing cold room with no windows. And of course Jay's with us. Why is that a problem, you ask? You see, Jay _hates_ the cold, I think we all know that. He also _hates_ small spaces, especially if they don't have any windows. On top of that, he seems kind of tired today, and we all know, what happens when Jay is tired. He's cranky and whiny and annoying and his PTSD kicks in as well. Should I continue or do you get the picture?

"Damn it" I whisper as soon as I realize, that the door doesn't have a handle on the inside. I can hear Ruzek talking to Voight, who seems annoyed at the fact that something managed to go wrong once again. I'm about to intervene, when I hear an odd sound. It almost sounds like someone's choking.

I turn around to do a once over of the room and my eyes immediately stop on a pale face with big bambi eyes. Of course. It always has to be Jay.

"Jay?" I ask, slowly approaching him, not wanting to make a scene. If this is PTSD, he might fight me. If he's claustrophobic, he won't want me to come closer to him. And if it's something else... then I'm lost. And worried.

He just stares at me, and I notice that he can't stop coughing, which Adam points out a second later. Maybe this is just the consequence of him running ten flights of stairs with a cough. I decide to ask him for an explanation, but he doesn't respond. Instead, his knees buckle and I throw myself on the floor the very last second before his head slams the concrete. That was close.

I realize that I'm screaming in his face, trying to find the source of his collapse. He couldn't have gotten shot could he? I didn't hear anything and I don't see any blood. But the freaking wheeze is still there. And it sounds awful. "This is _not_ a cough" I state as soon as Adam joins us on the cold floor.

I try to get Jay to talk to me, while Ruzek grabs his radio to respond to Voight, who is somewhere close to losing his mind, because we haven't actually explained what's going on.

And in that same moment, Jay gasps his brother's name. One single word and I immediately know, something's horribly wrong.

"Call his brother right now" I yell, while trying to get Jay to calm his breathing. Once I remember that Adam's talking to Voight, I immediately go fishing inside my pockets and luckily manage to find my phone rather quickly. My fingers already feel frozen as I search for Will's number. Now that I think about it, I should just put him on speed dial.

"Come on, pick up, pick up" I whisper to myself, while the phone rings in vain. Adam keeps trying to get Jay to tell him what's wrong, not sure what to do or tell Voigt. Just when I'm about to throw my phone against the wall in frustration, he picks up.

"WILL! Thank god" I yell, way too loudly, regretting it immediately, because I make Jay's breathing speed up even more. What the heck is going on?

"How bad is it?" he asks immediately, as if he knows what's happening. I'm too busy listening to Jay's wheezing inhales to try and explain the situation to him. I can also hear Adam explaining to Voight exactly where we are. "Antonio! How bad is it?!"

"Huh?" I ask, still unable to follow my own conversation.

"Oh for god's sake, Antonio, focus! How bad's his breathing?" Will yells at me once again.

"How'd you know it was his breathing?" I'm starting to think there's something going on that I don't know about.

"Doesn't matter, just tell me what's going on, so I can help."

He's right, I need to focus.

"Dawson, it's getting worse" Adam says, alerting me. I look at Jay, who is as pale as a ghost, slumped down on the floor, wiggling and gasping for air. His fingers are trying to dig holes into the concrete as if it were the thing keeping him alive at the moment. This is bad, I need to get myself together.

"We were on a bust and he started coughing and- I don't know what to do" I blurt out. Why am I so panicked? It's annoying and extremely unpractical. "What's wrong with him?"

"Okay, call an ambulance right now. I can hear him wheezing in the back" Will says, avoiding telling me what's really happening.

I can hear Voight telling Adam that the door is rigged, which means they can't get in. It also means that we can't get out, which is a problem.

"Uhm… we can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" Will asks. "Get him in the car and drive straight to Med then."

"Uh… we can't do that either."

Jay's breathing has turned into gasps that are coming at random intervals and are very insufficient at keeping his body oxygenated.

"Dawson, start talking right now" Will warns, so I explain the whole getting ambushed situation and how Jay apparently has a cough and is dying.

He stays silent for a few seconds. "It's not a cough, Dawson" he says quietly. "It's an asthma attack."

"Wait, what? He has asthma?" I ask loudly, making all three of my teammates look at me. "Since when?" I am so confused.

"Antonio, there's no time for this right now. Have someone call an ambulance and I'll walk you through what you need to do to help, okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, okay" I say, yelling at Adam to call a bus.

"Alright, stay calm and put me on speaker" Will says, so I kneel down next to Jay and put the phone on the floor. "How many of you are there?"

"Jay, Adam and I, everyone else is outside" I blurt out. At the sound of Will's voice, Jay's breathing picks up even more and his lips start moving as if he's trying to say something.

"Calm down, Jay. It's okay, I'm going to help, relax" Will says in a voice he only uses whenever his brother's hurt. I can see Jay try his best to relax, before Will speaks up again. "Is it cold?"

"Very" Adam supplies, before I can open my mouth.

"Okay, get him off the floor on a warmer surface if you can. We don't want him to go into shock."

Adam immediately sheds his jacket and throws it on the floor. We each grab one of Jay's arms and lift him, so that the jacket's under him.

"Okay, done."

"Sit him up against your chest, you can share body heat and it's gonna make it easier for him to breathe." I wiggle myself in between Jay's back and the stone cold wall, wrapping Jay in my embrace. This whole time, Adam keeps a steady flow of reassuring words going.

"Alright, Antonio, count how many breaths per minute he's taking. And check his pulse. Adam, you search his pockets for his inhaler. Can you do that?"

"Yeah" he says, patting down his pockets as I start counting. I immediately know the number of breaths is gonna be way higher than it's supposed to be. I get to 22 before Adam interrupts me, announcing that he found the inhaler.

"Great. Give to him and try to get him to take it. Two puffs." Will says.

"Jay? You need to use your inhaler, okay?" he says, pressing it into one of Jay's limp hands. I can see his fingers twitch, but that's as far as we can get.

"He's too exhausted, Will. Can't really move" I announce.

"Shit… okay, you're gonna have to do it for him. I'll walk you through it. Can he hear me?"

Jay immediately moans, making himself cough.

"Yeah, he can hear you" I whisper. I'm not sure whether I want to cry because of this lovely brotherly bond or panic because of this situation we're in.

"Good. Jay, I need you to listen to me. You're having an asthma attack. Antonio's going to help you use your inhaler, so try to take a deep breath when I tell you to, okay?"

Jay nods, even though Will can't see him, while Adam stands and walks towards the door to get an update form Voight.

"Antonio, put the inhaler in his mouth. On the count of three, press once and hold it until he exhales again."

"Got it."

"Okay, Jay, big breath on three. One, two, three." I press the button, just as Will told me to, while Jay takes a long, wheezing gasp, but lets it out a second later. "That's it, Jay, as deep as you can. You're doing great." The deep breath causes Jay to cough and I notice that his hands are squeezing my pants as hard as they can. "One more puff, Jay. Try to hold it in this time." He gives Jay a few more seconds to breathe, before counting to three once again. I press the button and Jay somehow manages to hold his breath this time. Small mercies.

"Antonio, I want you to count his breaths again" Will says, and then all I can hear is him shuffling around. I drop the inhaler on the floor and wrap my fingers around Jay's wrist to keep an eye on his pulse. The other hand is resting on Jay's chest, hoping to offer him some comfort. In notice his breaths don't seem as rushed anymore, so I decide to check how the whole bomb situation is going.

"Is there any news?" I ask Adam quietly, not wanting to give Jay another reason to panic.

He shoots me a glare, but answers anyway. "Um, the door is rigged, but Voight's taking care of it. SWAT team's on it's way. Should be here soon."

"Okay, what about the dealers, where are they?"

"Voight said they shot four of them on the way up. That's all I know."

Okay, so we have to find a way to hold on until they get us out. We can do it. Right?

**Will's P.O.V.**

I freaking knew I shouldn't have said anything about being bored. I jinxed it. Now I get to eat my own mess. Why didn't I force him to go to the hospital in the morning. Or called an ambulance for that matter. What kind of a brother am I?

"Will!" Gabby yells, making me jump a little. "You coming?"

"Yeah" I say, grabbing my phone and running after her towards the ambo. Once I get in the front seat, I can finally focus on my brother again.

"How's he doing, Antonio? Is he getting any better?" I can clearly hear that my brother's still wheezing.

"Em... no, not really. I don't know. Maybe?"

"Antonio, focus! Which is it? Better or worse?" I didn't mean to yell at him, but I know that this attack has been going on for almost ten minutes, which means Jay won't be able to keep going much longer. And that's stressing me out, because I can't help him.

"I- The wheezing's still there. And his lips are blue."

Okay, that means it's still pretty bad. "How many breaths per minute did you count?"

"About 27. I think his breathing is slower than it was the first time."

"Okay, that's good. You're doing great" I say, allowing myself to take a deep breath. Man, I wish I were there to help him. "Jay, can you hear me?" I ask, getting a moan in response. "Good, that's good. I'm on my way, Jay. I'm gonna be there the second they get the door open. You're gonna be just fine, okay? You don't need to worry."

I'm not sure exactly when I decided to join the cheer team, but it seems appropriate right now.

"Antonio, you said his lips were blue, right? Since his breathing is still too fast, give him one puff every 30 to 60 seconds, but not more than ten times. We'll see if that helps, okay?"

"Okay, got it" Dawson responds.

The warehouse is about 25 minutes away from Med and let me tell you, it felt like it was at least twice that much. Antonio and I kept talking to Jay, letting him know we were there and everything was okay. After the sixth dose of medicine, his breathing was finally starting to slow down.

"I think it's slowing down" Dawson says.

"Thank god, we're fifteen minutes out" I respond, before getting interrupted by Voight.

"SWAT team says it's gonna take at least an hour to get the door."

Shit.

"How are you doing, kid? Can you hang on?"

There's silence.

"You okay, kid?" Voight tries again, but fails. "Halstead!" Still no response. I'm starting to get the feeling, something's wrong.

I can hear Adam and Antonio yell something, before the line goes dead.

Gabby gives me a worried look, but doesn't say anything. I can see her hands are gripping the wheel as hard as they can. She doesn't like this any more than I do, having her brother stuck behind a rigged door, just like me. Except my brother can't breathe.

Before I know it, I'm calling Dawson, begging him to pick up. When he does, the first thing I hear is shuffling. The next thing is Voight's voice.

"Dawson, Ruzek, talk to me!" Voight warns, not making me any calmer.

There's more shuffling, before Adam finally speaks up.

"Jay just passed out for a minute, but he's back with us now."

Oh god.

"Okay. Hang in there, kid, we're gonna get you out" Voight tries to soothe my brother.

"And, um… his breathing doesn't sound too good" Ruzek adds. I have to do something or I'm gonna go insane.

"Jay?! Jay, it's Will. Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, he can hear you, he's nodding" Antonio says.

"Good. Listen to me. I'm here and we're going to help you, okay? I know it hurts, but you need to listen to me and do what I say, okay?"

The wheezing keeps getting faster and faster. I know I have to get him to calm down, otherwise he's going to pass out and we'll have no way of stopping the attack.

"Breathe with me, Jay. Nice and slow. In through your nose, out through your mouth. In… and out." His breath hitches, which I take as a sign that he's trying to follow my instructions. "Good, let's go again. In… and out. In… and out."

"It's working" Dawson says. "Keep going."

"Try to make your exhales longer, Jay, it's gonna make it easier to breathe. Trust me." I can hear him take a couple of deep breaths and slowly his breathing gets more and more regular. "That's it, you're doing great. Use your belly."

We keep going for another ten minutes, before Jay's breathing returns to a somewhat normal rate. The wheeze is still there, but it's definitely better than it was before. "You did great, Jay. You did great. You can relax now, everything's gonna be just fine."

"Is it over?"

"Yes, I think it stopped." I exhale in relief, but I know my brother's not out of the woods yet. "Jay? How you doing?"

There's a couple of seconds of silence, before Dawson laughs and speaks up. "He's giving you the thumbs up."

"Great, that's really great. On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your breathing?"

"Um… an eight" Dawson responds for my brother.

"Okay, you did good, buddy. Just relax and try to take deep breaths, okay?" I've seen more than enough asthma attacks, and I know what they do to patients. They exhaust them to the point where they can barely respond to any kind of questions, but more importantly, they are terrifying. Sure, every patient is different, but one thing is always the same. Fear. I know my brother is terrified of having another attack and to be honest, so am I. But I can't let him know that, which means I have a very hard decision to make. "Dawson, I need to talk to you." I hope he understand what I mean, without me having to say it out loud. There's shuffling and whispering, before the sound of my brother's labored breathing gets more and more distant.

"Okay, Will, talk to me" Dawson says, making me jump a little, because I was still trying to focus on the irregular wheezing in the background.

"Am I still on speaker?" I ask quietly, not wanting to alert my brother that I'm trying to hide something from him. Which I am, but I have no choice.

"No, Jay's with Adam" he immediately answers the question that he knows I'm about to ask next. "I'm the only one who can hear you."

"Good." I'm actually not entirely sure how to put this or where to begin. I'm still furious that Jay never mentioned his childhood asthma to his team, especially this morning after such an eventful night. I can't do anything about that now, though. "You said Jay never mentioned he had asthma, right?"

"Yeah…"

"And he didn't say anything this morning?"

Dawson thinks about this for a second, before responding. "He seemed a little bit off, but nothing we haven't seen before. Said he had a cough."

Right. Of course he did. Oh my god, he's such an idiot. We have bigger problems at hand, I have to focus.

"Okay. He had asthma when we were little, but eventually grew out of it during high school. He hasn't had an attack in years, until last night." I pause letting the information sink in.

"What do you mean last night?" Dawson asks, anger more than clear in his voice.

"He had two attacks during the night."

"So why the hell isn't he at the hospital?!" he yells, most definitely alerting Jay in the process if the hushed _hey hey, relax, everything's okay_ I can hear two seconds later is anything to go by.

"Dawson, you have to stay calm. You can't make him freak out right now, his lungs can't handle it" I warn.

"I know" he whispers. "I'm calm."

"Good. I didn't take him to hospital, because he was already exhausted and I was with him anyway, so I decided to take him in the morning. Which never ended up happening, because as you can probably imagine, Jay refused to go. And now, here we are."

I can hear Antonio sigh, probably wondering how Jay can possibly be so stubborn when it comes to his own health.

"He promised me he was gonna take it easy and talk to you about it, but… you know Jay."

"Yeah…"

"Antonio, if we don't get that door opened soon, there's a big chance he's gonna have another attack…" He stays quiet. "He's already exhausted and seeing we barely managed to stop this one…"

"Are you saying it's gonna get a lot worse?" he asks, cautiously.

"I'm not saying it _will_ , but it might. You need to be prepared."

_To be continued…_


	23. The Secret Of Life - part 3

**Antonio's P.O.V.**

This day is _so_ not what I thought it would be. Seriously, how much worse could it possibly get? Actually, never mind. I'm sure something else could throw us a curve ball at any second, so I don't wanna jinx myself.

"Are you saying it's gonna get a lot worse?" I ask cautiously, fearing Will's answer.

"I'm not saying it _will_ , but it might. You need to be prepared."

Great. Well, this conversation didn't make me feel better whatsoever. No time for self pitying right now though. I have Jay to worry about.

"Okay… what do I do?" I ask, willing to do just about anything to help.

There's a pause before Will responds. "Whatever happens, try to keep him calm because if he freaks out..." he trails off and I want to add _he's as good as dead_ , but I manage to stop myself just in time. And I almost make my stomach turn at the thought. "If he gets all tense, it's gonna make it even harder to breathe. Keep him in a sitting position and keep his airway open. It will make him breathe better. Try to get him to steady his breathing. Slow, deep breaths. And pray."

The last bit gets me. It feels as if I've just been stabbed with a knife. How did we get ourselves into this mess? This is crazy…

"Oh and Antonio?" he says after a few seconds as an afterthought.

"Yeah…?" I don't think I'm gonna like where this is going.

"Make sure he doesn't get caught up in a flashback or something. I don't want him to suffer even more."

There really isn't anything I can say to that. I know how bad Jay's PTSD can get and I can't even imagine what it can do when it's combined with an asthma attack and an oxygen deprived brain.

"Do you have any water?" Will asks next. I look around the room, hoping to find something, but I guess it's not my lucky day. I give him a negative response, eliciting a curse from the doctor. "Okay, doesn't matter. How's he doing?"

I kneel back down next to Jay, who's now slumped against Adam's chest. He looks just about dead. You know what bodies look like? The half frozen, half drowned kind of bodies? They have a very specific bluish tint to them. And they're pale. And sometimes their sparkless eyes are open and they're left staring at nothing. That is _exactly_ what Jay looks like. He's as pale as a ghost, his lips are more blue than red or pink and his eyes are lifeless. It's not a look I ever wanna see on one of my friends.

"Uh… He seems to be breathing a bit better, but his lips are blue. And he's staring at the ceiling as if it's the most amusing thing he's ever seen."

"Crap" Will whispers. "Okay, do as I said and keep me in the loop, okay?" I grunt a response, before he continues. "And put me back on speaker, so I can talk to him."

I do as Will requested and put the phone on the ground right next to Jay.

"Jay?" Will asks, clearly hoping to get a response from his brother, but I see no change in his condition. "You're doing great, Jay. Just hang on a little longer, okay? We're almost there, Jay. I'm almost there."

**Jay's P.O.V.**

I specifically remember that I never gave the truck driver permission to park his truck on my chest. So rude. I also don't remember laying down on ice. Or how I ended up anywhere near a frozen surface for that matter.

I can hear voices around me, but I can't quite tell, who they belong to. They seem panicked and rushed though. Kinda annoying really. At first I thought I was under water. That would explain the muffled voices and the lack of air I'm experiencing. But then the air returned once again, so maybe I'm not drowning after all. But why is it so cold?

Something rouses my shoulder, causing actual pain to ellict all over my body. That shouldn't happen, right? That seems wrong. Although I'm not entirely sure at this point. I probably couldn't even spell my name right. I'm dead tired.

"Jay!"

Speaking of the devil, there's my name. Three letters, one syllable. It's kinda nice that my parents decided to give me a simple name since my last name is so complica-

"Halstead!"

Are you kidding me? What kind of a coincidence is that? Both my name and my last name getting said at the exact same time as I think of them. Funny. How do these mysterious people know my name?

"JAY! Can you hear me?!"

Man, this guy's screaming. Dude, I can hear you just fine, what's the rush?

Wait.

I know that voice. It's my brother's voice. The same voice that has been annoying me for the past three decades. He seems scared. He shouldn't have to be scared. Not on my watch.

I try to respond him by using his name, but the only thing that comes out is a groan followed by a sudden loss of air in my lungs. That send me into a coughing fit, reminding me of the truck that's parked on my chest.

"Hey, can you hear me?" Will asks, appearing a little less panicked than the previous time. His voice is a little strange though. Sore throat maybe? I go to ask him about it, but this time, nothing comes out. Except for an unpleasant wheeze.

"He's wincing" Antonio announces. His voice seems much louder than my brother's for some reason.

"Jay, does breathing hurt? Nod yes or no" Will instructs me a second before I try speaking once again. Now that I think about it, nodding sounds like a much better idea.

I nod and Antonio narrates my response once again. I wonder why he's doing that. Maybe Will can't see me. But that doesn't make any sense.

"How bad is it on a scale of one to ten?" Will asks. "Worse than an eight?"

I nod once again. My chest is actually really starting to bother me. I can barely seem to catch my breath and it's starting to feel dangerous.

"Okay, I'm right outside the door, Jay. Just keep taking nice and slow breaths. As deep as you can, okay? I'm gonna get you out in no time and we're gonna get you help" Will says in a comforting voice. "Just relax. Everything's gonna me okay."

Just as my brother's voice starts to relax me, a loud bang erupts, making me jump. My breath hitches and I tense my muscles in preparation for a disaster.

"Hey hey, it's okay. They have to break the door down to get us out. Nothing to worry about, buddy."

I understand that Antonio's trying to comfort me but the sound of metal things banging one against the other and the phrase _break down the door_ don't make me feel any calmer.

"What's happening?" Will asks, receiving an explanation from Antonio.

"He doesn't seem to like the noise. It's making him freak out."

"Try to get him to calm down or it's gonna make his breathing even worse" Will says.

Antonio goes to say something, but another loud crashing sound interrupts him. I don't like this. I do not like this. It reminds me of mad times overseas. I need to get out of here.

"Hey, no no no, stop moving, buddy. You need to relax" Adam's voice says from right beside my ear, making me jump. Why is he so close to me? Something tight is encircling my chest. A rope maybe. But it's to wide. And it keeps constricting me more and more. I have to get it off of me.

"Jay! Relax, you're safe" Antonio just about screams. " Adam, stop squeezing him! Switch places with me."

Something pulls me into a sitting position and the tight thing leaves my chest. Thank god. The thing that's holding me up now, seems pretty tight as well. I need to escape, before it's too late. There's a lot of shuffling, before I'm laid back again. Something warm and soft. Almost comforting. Maybe this isn't so bad after all. Until the next banging sound echoes. And then everything seems to be threatening me once again.

"Please calm down, Jay. Everything's okay. Just relax" Antonio whispers in my ear. He must be the soft thing behind my back. "Please" he practically begs.

"We're getting you out, kid. Relax. We're all here, your brother's here. You're going to be just fine. Just breathe."

I have no clue where Voight suddenly came from, but he seems calm. He must have things under control.

"You're doing great, Jay. Just a little longer."

The words might seem calm and collected, but I can hear the fear and concern in my brother's voice. I'd recognize it any day.

There's more banging and more and more voices join in. Things are squeezing my hands and rubbing my chest, but nothing seems to help. There's a lot of bees around me and the water must be muffling the sounds again. But the banging. It won't stop.

I try to entangle myself from the embrace once again, but my body doesn't have the strength to hold me up anymore. This is it then. It finally got the best of me.

I'm sorry, Will. I tried.

**Antonio's P.O.V.**

Suddenly, there's a loud bang, and Voight comes crashing in through the metal door, freezing on the spot once he takes in the scene in front of him, while something like "oh, kid" escapes his mouth. A split second later, Will stumbles in after him and collides with Voight's shoulder in a rather comic way, before yelling his brother's name. I honestly would've laughed at this, if my best friend wasn't halfway dead.

The exhausted and half unconscious body laying in my lap, suddenly jolts and starts wiggling again. "Wil-" he wheezes out, before his breath is cut off, but it's enough. Will's eyes snap towards us and before I know it, he's running as if a bear was chasing him. He drops down on his knees right next to us, immediately grabbing his brother's free hand.

"It's okay, I'm here, Jay. I'm here" Will blurts out just as my sister and Brett come rushing in with a stretcher. Thank god. I was starting to think I was gonna have to watch him take his last breath in my arms. That would've been… No, I can't think like that.

"How is he?" my sister asks, rather loudly, taking Adam's place and setting down her equipment.

"I don't know" I blurt out. It's the most honest answer I can give her, but probably not very helpful from a medical perspective. "He seemed to be doing better before, but than the banging… It freaked him out and his wheezes got way worse than they were before. He's barely breathing anymore."

I'm well aware of the fact that my voice breaks at the end, but nobody says anything. An oxygen mask appears and is soon strapped over Jay's face, providing air his body desperately needs. I notice the mist coming out of the mask and shoot my sister a glare.

"It's a nebulizer. It's mainly used in treating patients with asthma" she explains. I nod. It's kinda nice to have family members treating one of your friends. Makes it less scary.

"It's freezing. Let' cover him with a warming blanket and get him out of here before hypothermia sets in" Brett adds, after setting up an IV in the crook of Jay's elbow.

"Wait" Will says. "He's all clenched up."

He let's go of Jay's hand and starts rubbing his muscles. Both of his arms and then his legs. "You're clenching your muscles, buddy. Try to relax for me, it's gonna make it easier to breathe" he explains to his little brother. Brett joins in and together they manage to pry Jay's fists open. They proceed on to rubbing every single one of his fingers until his body finally starts to relax a little more.

After a little more breathing in mist, being covered in blankets, rubbing tight muscles and coaxing, Jay's eyes finally open.

"Heey" Will whispers, letting out a small chuckle. "You did it. You held on" he says, tears slipping down his cheeks as he cradles his brother's hand close to his chest. As much as I hate seeing Jay like this, the brotherly bond these two have makes up for it. Well, almost.

**Will's P.O.V.**

I cannot even begin to explain how happy I was to break down that door. And not just because I had enormous amounts of adrenaline rushing through my veins, but because I honestly thought I was gonna go nuts. Listening to my brother's wheezing for almost an hour and a half… not so great. Also not the way I wanted to spend today, but I gotta admit I'm kinda excited to spend it in the ICU now. You know, next to my non-wheezing brother, who isn't in life danger anymore. So great. But just being able to hold his hand is amazing. Much better than being locked on the other side of the door.

I keep reliving the moments over and over in my head. I'm guessing I'm never actually gonna be able to get them out of my head.

" _He's struggling way too much, Will" Gabby says, checking the oxygen levels displayed on the heart monitor. They read 86. As soon as she reaches for a syringe and an ET tube, I know what's coming, so I nod to her, before focusing on my brother again. His eyes are still locked on me as if I'm his lifeline. I can't tell if this is his PTSD or just the asthma attack, but he's terrified and needs to be consulted._

" _It's okay, Jay. You can relax now, we've got you. We're giving you something to make you sleep so we can help you breathe better, okay?"_

_He looks at me with panicked eyes and squeezes my hand even tighter. Just then, Gabby injects the sedative into his IV._

" _Calm down, everything's gonna be okay. We're going to take care of you and I'll be with you the whole time. I promise. I'll be there when you wake up. Just relax." I keep a steady flow of words going until his eyes lose the spark and he finally slips under. "I love you, Jay."_

It's been about an hour since Jay's been brought in. He's been intubated and scans have been taken to ensure that his lungs were working properly. Once they came back satisfactory, he was taken up to the ICU, where he was once again covered with a heating blanket to bring his temperature back up. I refused to leave his side until now, but I know I need to be the one to update his team, so I have no other choice, but to walk back down to the waiting room.

As soon as I walk in, everybody springs to their feet. I can't suppress a laugh and I have to admit it feels great to finally be able to express happiness again.

"You gonna torture us forever or what?" Voight asks before I get a chance to compose myself. So I laugh again.

"He's okay" I say, getting a bunch of exhales in response. "Extremely exhausted, but okay."

"Oh my god, you have no idea how nice it is to hear that" Antonio says, doubling over and leaning on his knees. I know exactly what he feels like. I've felt like that many, many times. Whenever Jay would get hurt. And I'm sure there's more days like this to come… I just hope they all end on a good note like today has.

"He's in the ICU at the moment, just to be on the safe side" I explain, waiting for the information to sink in. "Due to the fact that he had four severe attacks in one day, we felt it was better to give his lungs a break and let them recover. We sedated him and put him on a ventilator, until the attack stops and his lungs recover enough to do all the work."

"Wait" Antonio interrupts me with a judging glare. "I thought you said he was fine." I can tell this event is really taking a toll on him. Add that to him being very protective of Jay on a daily basis and you get a very stressed out Antonio.

"He _is_. This is just a precaution." He keeps stabbing me with his eyes, so I feel the need to further explain. "Asthma attacks can be extremely tiring, you know that. Normally, putting someone on a vent isn't advised, but in Jay's case, we felt it was in his best interest. You saw yourself that he was barely conscious when I got there, which would only get worse with time. He needed rest, and the only safe way to ensure that was sedating him and putting him on mechanical ventilation. Yes, it's risky, but he's strong. We'll be arguing with him to stay in bed in a few days, trust me."

Voight smirks at that, before exhaling in relief. He might not admit it, but he's got a soft spot for Jay.

"So what caused his asthma to appear again after all these years?" Ruzek asks eventually.

"We can't exactly say for sure. It's freezing cold and it hasn't rained in a while, which means the air is really dry. That alone can trigger an asthma attack. Add that to the fact that he wasn't feeling well and he ran up ten flight of stairs… Plus you said the room was moldy and dusty, which are also big triggers. The air flow inside the room was bad and all that combined… Let's just say it could've been a lot worse."

"But he'll still be able to be a cop, right?"

"Yeah, I can't see why not. With the right medication and treatment, he should be as good as new" I say, immediately noticing smiles on their faces. This team is like a family to them. It wouldn't be the same without Jay.

I think we can all agree on that.

"Dibs" Haley yells all of a sudden, causing an argument to erupt. I am clearly unable to hide my emotions right now so my confused look doesn't go unnoticed.

"I call dibs on going to see him first" Haley explains while strolling past me in a cocky way, ignoring all of her teammates who keep pointing out reasons on why they should me the ones to go visit him first. I start laughing and follow her lead, kinda enjoying the fact that I always get to be the first to visit and hold his hand.

I may be Jay's only brother, but his family's much bigger than that.

_The end._


	24. Almost Like A Walk On The Beach - part 1

Silence.

Darkness.

Cold.

Endless sand.

No sign of life, other than a car, driving in the distance. You could say it's almost peaceful. Almost.

As the car approaches through a narrow opening in between the small sandy hills, it screeches to a stop. The driver's door flies open and a middle sized man walks out, glancing both ways as he walks around the car to his trunk. As he opens it, he reaches inside, dragging an uncoordinated, stumbling figure out, before dragging it a couple of feet further from the car, before dropping it harshly into the sand. He rips a piece of duct tape from it's face, before reaching into his back pocket. A small bottle and piece of cloth appear, before liquid is being poured onto the fabric. You can see some struggling coming from the figure in the sand. The man bends down next to it. The figure pulls back ever so slightly.

For a few seconds, everything goes still.

And then the eruption comes. The figure starts kicking, rolling and shaking it's head. The man stays still. He watches as the figure struggles, seemingly enjoying himself.

The man reaches forward, shoving the piece of soaked fabric into the figure's mouth, before taping a piece of duct tape over it. He reaches into his front pocket and produces a bag made of cloth. The figure starts trashing around even harder, before the bag covers it's head. The bag is taped around it's neck using duct tape, unabling it from slipping off.

The struggling eventually grows weaker, until it stops.

The man stands, admiring his work.

He walks back towards the car, closes his trunk, allows himself another overview of his master plan and sits in the car.

The car drives away, until it's barely a dot on the horizon.

Eventually, it disappears.

Once again, there's no sign of life.

Endless sand.

Cold.

Darkness.

Silence.

I did say, it was _almost_ peaceful.

**Voight's P.O.V.**

"Argh!"

Another punch square in the jaw, followed by a glorious growl soothes my ears.

"Where. Is. My. Detective."

An evil smirk is my only answer, so my fist pulls back once again, before shooting for this prick's stomach.

I'm really starting to enjoy the sound of pain, reaching my ears.

"Not feeling cooperative, are we?" I whisper in the creepiest way possible. "Okay..."

I turn around, nodding for Al to come closer.

He takes his time and allows himself to walk slowly, seemingly calm and collected, though I know that worry and rage are the only two things he's consisting of right now. Just like me.

I notice a flash of fear in Garcia's eyes, as Al carefully sets the car battery on the concrete floor in front of him. Garcia's shocked eyes glance towards me for just a second, before regaining their composure.

"You really expect me to think you're gonna use that?" he huffs, nodding towards the battery. "You're cops. You're not allowed to."

Al and I share an obvious glance, making our best effort to appear untouched, almost glad he said that.

"Didn't seem to stop me before" I say, laughing.

Despite the clock ticking, we allow ourselves a couple more seconds to just stand there for effect. We have one shot at this. If we fail...

Al grabs the leads and switches he battery on. He demonstrates that the current is running by pressing the leads together, creating a rather awful sound.

I can see Garcia swallow, as he tries to melt into the wall behind him, and decide that this is the perfect moment to continue.

I step right in front of his face, give him a glare and ask once again.

"Where. Is. My. Detective."

He chooses to stay quiet once again, but seems way less confident in his decision.

"Alright. Have it your way."

I step back, allowing Al to step forward. He connects the leads once again, except this time, Garcia's torso happens to be in between them.

The sound of his screaming does nothing to ease my worry, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't bring me the slightest amount of joy. An eye for an eye.

"Had enough?" I ask, motioning for Al to stand back for a second. He purposely stays quiet in order to appear even less like a human. His only job in this interrogation is to cause pain.

Garcia presses his lips together, clearly refusing to talk.

"Guess not."

Al presses the leads deep into the guy's torso, making his screams as raw as they can get. This goes on for almost thirty seconds. I allow myself to ask the only question occupying my mind once again, in case the electric shock is making Garcia unable to remember, what we came here for.

In one of the rare moments when Garcia's eyes are actually open, I bend down to turn up the power. The halt in his screaming tells me he noticed.

I turn the button again.

We're almost at the highest setting when he finally screams out the words I wanted to hear.

"STOP!"

Al pulls the leads back ever so slightly, never breaking the staring contest he has going on with Garcia's face. He allows Garcia one inhale, before pressing the leads against his stomach for a nice boost of energy once again. He screams again, but says nothing.

The rage inside of me has reached such amplitudes, I can't hold myself back. I walk up to him, snatching the cables from Al's hands and shoving them into Garcia's torso.

The screaming goes on for another ten seconds, before I pull away just enough to ask me if he's had enough. This is gonna keep going for as long as he refuses to talk.

That's when Adam bursts through the door, Antonio hot on his heels.

"Desert" he blurts out in between gasps, making me pull back the tiniest bit, so I can make sure I heard him correct. "The GPS connected. He's in the desert."

Oh my god.

Both Al and I freeze for just enough time for Garcia to compose himself enough for another smart-ass comment.

"You're never going to find him. He's a dead man."

I gotta say, the comment is almost exactly what came across my mind. Jay's been missing for most of yesterday. Garcia probably didn't snatch him in the middle of the day and it's currently nine in the morning. That puts us at about 30 hours since Jay was taken. Which isn't great. And the fact that he's in the desert means he's in trouble. But the fact that he managed to connect the GPS signal tells me he's awake and aware enough to survive a few more hours. He has to be.

"No, he isn't" I growl, bending over so that my face is so close to Garcia's that we're actually breathing the same air. "You don't know my detective. He's not dead." I pause. "But you are."

This time, nothing's holding me back from pinning the leads directly to his skin and leaving the battery on the highest setting.

I walk away, already fishing in my pockets to find my phone.

As the door closes, the screams are barely audible.

The phone rings twice before the call is connected.

"We got him."

**Will's P.O.V.**

Undeniably the sweetest words I've heard in a while.

I want to say something, but the words just don't leave my mouth.

The fear and horror are still there.

And they will be, until I see him. See that he's okay.

"He's in the desert" Voight adds, making my heart clench. That's not my definition of 'we got him'. I'd call that 'we might know where he is, but can't actually be sure'. "Listen to me, Will. He connected the GPS tracker. He's alive. We just have to keep it that way. Grab everything you might need. I'll pick you up in 10."

"Okay."

It's all I can say.

My mind is overflown with so many questions, but I can't let them overrule me. I have to focus. For Jay.

Maggie, who was standing right beside me, eavesdropping to the whole conversation, is already grabbing supplies to throw in my medical bag, while I stand frozen in place.

Exactly seven minutes later, I'm standing in front of the ER entrance, shaking.

Chicago is known as the windy city, but it's also a rather cold city. Normally. Not this summer though. This summer has been incredibly hot. The temperatures have actually set some new records, which is rare.

Today is one of those boiling days.

Not s cloud in the sky.

I've been standing in the shadow for less than a minute, and I'm already sweating.

And Jay's in the desert, where he's been for more than 30 hours. Fighting for his life.

I glance down at the two bags in my hands. One of them is filled with the regular medical equipment, used for any sort of search and rescue emergency. The other one contains cold IV bags, compresses and water bottles.

Thankfully, Maggie was s bit more calm and collected than me.

"Get in!" Voight yells through the window, startling me out of my thoughts.

Don't ask me, when he pulled up, because I really couldn't tell you. I almost rip the door open, throw the bags inside, before getting in myself.

I'm coming, Jay. I'm coming.

_To be continued…_


	25. Almost Like A Walk On The Beach - part 2

**Jay's P.O.V.**

Fifty-eight, fifty-nine, three hundred seventy five minutes.

That makes it 6 hours and fifteen minutes, which makes it approximately a quarter of a day. And that's just the hours I've actually been able to count. I have no clue how many hours I spent either unconscious or in too much pain to focus.

It's been at least 6 hours since I've had any water, though I'm guessing it's been much longer than that, since my throat is on fire and I haven't puked yet, despite feeling horribly nauseous. I'm happy about that though, because the thing in my mouth would make that very awkward if not bad.

It's been at least 6 hours since I was left here. Wherever 'here' is. It's definitely somewhere hot and outdoors, because I can feel the boiling hot sun burning the life out of me. Quite literally. I'm also guessing that 'here' is in the middle of nowhere, since I haven't actually heard anything except for my own breathing and groans. Not even birds. Not even wind. Certainly no people. I've tried screaming for help anyway, but the only thing I achieved was making myself gag on what I'm pretty sure is a piece of cloth. I also can't see anything, because I'm either blind, or this bag that's stuck over my head is thick and black. I'm really hoping it's the second option.

It's been at least 6 hours since since I've woken up from a slumber, that was most likely induced by whatever this sweet tasting wetness soaking the cloth in my mouth is. The sweetness isn't actually all that sweet, because it gave me the worst migraine of my life and caused severe nausea and fuzziness. I'm not kidding. For a while, remembering my own name and how to breathe was a process. Moving is _also_ impossible, because my muscles refuse to listen to commands. But the part of my brain that causes fear is working just fine, so there's that.

For the past 6 hours, I've been trying to occupy myself by counting the seconds and combining them into minutes and hours, because it seems to put my mind at ease. Or at least hides all the unanswered questions of how I got here and how am I getting out of this alive, since I can't focus on more than one thing at the same time anyway.

For the past 6 hours, I also haven't been able to remember anything for the life of me. The last thing I remember is being at work, so unless I was snatched straight from my office, there's a blank space that needs to be filled out.

Speaking of work, I've been really looking forward to seeing my team, although the nerves are starting to get to me. You see, everybody on the team always carries a hidden GPS tracker on them at all times, just in case we were to get kidnapped whenever we're not on the job. The GPS isn't constantly on. Nope. _After_ getting ourselves in trouble, we have to actually be able to move enough to turn it on.

See the problem?

I can't move. My hands are tied behind my back and even though my legs are free, they refuse to move even an inch for whatever reason. And the freaking GPS thing is on the inside of my pants. The lower part, of course. Now that I think about it, that's probably not the most practical spot I could've picked. Learn from mistakes, I guess. If you live long enough to do that.

Unless I can press the damn button, the chances of my team finding me are very slim.

I don't even know if they've figured out I'm missing yet.

I can't even remember what day it is.

It could be Monday, it could be Wednesday... or it could be the weekend. And if I didn't make plans for the weekend, that would be bad, because nobody would miss me. And I wouldn't last till Monday with my current predicament.

Oh god. I'm never getting out of here.

I feel a tear slip down my cheek.

It's soon followed by another one. And another one. Until whatever my head's wrapped in is damp. And even then, the tears just keep coming.

No one's coming.

I realize that I'm making myself even more dehydrated by crying, but does it really matter? It's not like it's gonna make any difference.

These 6 hours could be defined as a lot of things. Hot, thirsty, uncomfortable, painful, fuzzy, fearful, a big question mark...

These 6 hours could also be defined as the beginning of the end.

I can't breathe. I mean, I can, but I know it's not efficient. A stuffy nose and the cloth in my mouth taped over with something very much like duct tape, cut the amount of oxygen I get down by a lot.

I can feel my head getting fuzzier and fuzzier and it scares me.

At first.

And then I remember that being unconscious isn't actually that unpleasant. Not at all, to be honest. It's the waking up part that sucks.

My two options are dying while being unconscious and not feeling a thing, or staying awake and getting to experience all the pain and torture of it while being stuck in the dark of the unknown.

I can clearly pick a favorite.

And I'm sobbing again.

_I'm sorry, Will._

There's a difference though. This time, I try to inhale as much of the sweet substance in my mouth as possible.

The fuzziness grows stronger immediately, but so does my fear. Breathing gets harder and harder.

My will to fight is suddenly stronger than ever.

But the sweet thing is stronger.

I realize I'm no longer in control of my own life.

And it's my fault.

The sweet thing's winning.

The button!

I have to press the damn button. If I can do that before I pass out, I might still have a chance.

I gather up all the strength I have left (which is not a lot) and blindly reach for my pants. My wrists are raw from all the previous attempts of getting my arms free, but that can be fixed.

Dying can't be.

I'm almost there. Almost. I can feel the edge of the button with my fingers. I almost have it.

Before the sweetness takes over.

No.

**Al's P.O.V.**

"Jesus, can you drive?!" Will yells at Hank, clearly very annoyed and probably fueled by fear and anger.

We've been driving for over three hours now, and there's still no sign of either the desert nor Jay. And it's getting scary.

"Do _you_ wanna drive?!" Voight yells back, clearly just as close to the edge as the older Halstead.

"Hank" I deadpan, warning him that a furious Will Halstead driving is most definitely not something we should do if we wanna get to wherever Jay is in one piece. Hank presses his lips together but keeps quiet. So does Antonio, who's currently occupying the passenger seat. I can hear the sound of somebody breathing in the I'm-not-an-angry-lion-who's-about-to-eat-you-alive-but-I-sure-sound-like-one kind of way. "Kid, you need to relax. We're gonna find him, okay?" I try to offer him some support, before Hank gets his head bitten off. Maybe sitting Will behind Hank wasn't the smartest idea.

He just glares at me, so I back off.

You only mess with an angry Halstead once. I learned that lesson from a punch in the face, preformed by no other than Halstead junior.

"How much further is it?!" Will growls in a nasty tone and I'm honestly surprised Hank hasn't stopped the car and thrown Will into the bushes yet. He normally doesn't put up with annoying Halsteads.

"Do you _see_ the desert?" Hank asks sarcastically.

"I would if you weren't driving like my grandma" Will snaps back, making sure to yell the last part.

And that's when Hank slams the breaks, making Will (who isn't wearing a seat belt) hit his face on the back of the front seat. The next second consists of Will being dazed and rubbing his forehead with his hand and Hank flipping around on the chair until he is an inch away from Will's face.

"You wanna walk there?" he hisses, making me roll my eyes as Will stares in pure shock. What are we, five?

Everything stays quiet for a good minute.

"Don't. Ever. Question. My driving. Again. Got it?" Hank continues his talk, that sounds a lot like bullying to a normal person. "I'm gonna get you there as fast as humanly possible and I'm gonna make sure you get there in one piece. Now be quiet and like it or I leave you here and pick you up on the way back."

Well that went well.

I glance at the navigation, showing me that Jay's last known location is another twenty eight minutes away. I just hope he's still there. The GPS only connected for a few seconds, before disconnecting again. Maybe Jay managed to press it on his own, and the battery died. Maybe he didn't press it hard enough for the button to actually click, which would explain it getting disconnected again. Or maybe somebody's there with him. And saw him press the button. And didn't like it very much.

In that case, who knows where Jay could be by now. Three hours is a long time.

God, I hope that's not the case.

_We're almost there, kid. Hang in there._

You might be surprised, but we actually made it twenty minutes without any more talking and cursing. I know, it's a miracle.

I've been watching Will like a hawk and I can see him getting more and more restless by the minute. He's like a timer on a bomb, waiting to explode. But then again, so am I.

It's almost one o'clock.

The thermometer on the car says it's 110 degrees outside. We have the air conditioning on full blast and I'm still too hot.

I don't dare to hope that Jay's in the shadow. It's a desert, for god's sake. Trees are rare, especially ones with actual leaves. Shadows even more rare.

"Keep an eye out" Voight states, slowing the car down a bit. "We're getting close."

All of our eyes desperately start searching the sand for any sign of life.

I immediately realize three things.

One: This particular part of the desert was chosen very strategically, because it's made of small hills, which unable you to see over them, meaning you have to climb over every single one of them in order to see what's on the other side.

Two: It's constantly windy, so we wouldn't be able to spot any tire marks, especially ones from over 24 hours ago.

Three: It's almost impossible to spot a person.

"Stop the car!" I yell, already unbuckling my seat belt and darting out of the door even before we stop. I fall in the sand, immediately noticing how much I hate this place.

Once everyone's out of the car, I explain myself. "He should be near. We need to spread out and go on foot or we're never going to find him."

I see Will wince at the word 'never', but it's the truth.

Jay's in serious trouble and we all know it.

"Alright. Don't go too far out. We don't need anyone else getting lost" Voight says. "Call out if you find anything."

And with that, we walk our separate ways.

It hasn't even been five minutes and I'm already sweating like a pig, starting to get a headache from the heat. Thirty hours of this...

_He's okay, he's okay, he's okay._

"JAY!" Will shouts, from a hill nearby, giving me false hope, that he's found him. His continuous screams tell me otherwise. "Where are you, Jay?! Say something if you can hear me!" I know what he's doing. By screaming he's making himself feel like he's doing something efficient, hoping that his brother can hear him and will respond. It keeps him from going insane.

Just as I'm about to join him, I reach the top of the next hill.

And then I see him.

"Oh kid."

_To be continued…_


	26. Almost Like A Walk On The Beach - part 3

**Will's P.O.V.**

Why is Al just standing there? Is he not aware that time's running ou-

"I found him!"

Oh my God.

Did he really just say that?

As soon as Al starts descending the hill to get to my brother, my feet start running so fast, my body can't catch up, so I end up stumbling and falling head first into the sand a few feet away from my brother.

Just then, Al reaches Jay.

He's on his knees in seconds, reaching forward to help him, before he stops and just stares at him, as if he were afraid to touch him.

Why isn't he helping him? Is he-? No, no, no, no.

"He's alive!" Al yells, still not touching Jay, but visibly relieved. Wait. He's alive? He's actually alive. "Hank, get the car!" Al yells to Voight, who immediately takes off running in the direction of his car.

Only now, do I allow myself to actually look at him.

He's laying on his side, hands tied behind his back with a zip tie. I can see some blood from where he's cut the skin by struggling, but based on the amount of blood it shouldn't be too deep. As usual, he's wearing a black long sleeved shirt and black jeans, despite the fact that it's summer. The truly scary part though, is the black bag, pulled over his head and taped around his neck, keeping me from seeing his face. It's certainly not making me any calmer, and I sure as hell know Jay isn't enjoying it in the slightest.

His chest is rising, so I know he's breathing, and to be honest, everything except for the bag and zip tie seems kinda normal.

I can see he's shaking though. Is it from fever? Fear? Pain? All of the above? I can't tell.

I need to see his face.

Right now.

I crawl the rest of the way, until I finally reach my brother. Frantically, I grab the tape around his neck and just about rip it off, taking the black bag with it.

The sight I get isn't pretty.

Jay's face is flushed and sweaty, eyes darting around underneath closed eyelids, seemingly terrified to death. He's breathing way too fast and shallow for my liking and he doesn't seem to have noticed our arrival yet, which worries me.

"Is he awake?" Antonio asks, sliding down the sandy hill right behind me.

"I don't think so" I mumble, reaching forward to shake him.

"No, wait!" Al warns me, just in time for me to back away slightly. "We don't know what he's been through or if he's even aware we're here. He hasn't responded to any of us yet. Let's just... take it slow."

Right. Don't freak him out. Got it.

"Jay?" I say, loudly, but with a tone that hopefully comes out in a soothing way. "It's Will. Can you hear me, buddy?" I ask, while checking his pulse. Fast and erratick, but there. Good enough for me.

After getting no response, I go to peel off the duct tape covering his mouth to hopefully make his return to the land of the living a bit less unpleasant. Once it's gone, I finally notice the cause of his semi-unconscious state.

"Oh my God" I say, pulling the cloth out of my brother's mouth as fast as I can, immediately noticing the sweet smell. Just as I thought. "It's soaked with Chloroform."

I throw the cloth somewhere far enough, so that the smell can't reach my brother anymore. Being knocked out using Chloroform for a small amount of time is dangerous enough, constantly inhaling large amounts for more than twenty four hours is another thing. We might have a serious problem.

My elevated state of panic alerts Al, who all of a sudden forgets all about the 'let's go slow' thing and starts yelling at my brother to wake up, while rubbing his arm, without any success.

I reach into my pocket to find my penlight. Gently, I pull Jay's eyelids open one after the other to check his pupils. Fixed and dilated. Not great, but expected.

I call his name again while rubbing my knuckles over his sternum in circles.

That changes things.

His eyes snap open and he jolts away from me as if I were fire and he had just burnt himself.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You're safe."

He starts trashing around, breathing increasing even more, hazy eyes darting from one side to the other, looking for something that isn't there.

I'm too taken aback to say anything else, so Al steps in.

"Hey, relax, kid. You're okay, just relax. We got you. You're gonna be just fine." I gotta admit, he has an amazing ability of soothing my brother whenever he gets trapped in his PTSD world. I've seen him do it before, but right now... his words seem to go in through one ear and out the other. Just like mine.

I notice he's trying to pull his hands free, the zip tie cutting its way deeper into his skin.

"Antonio, get his hands" I order, catching Jay's face in between my palms to stop him from looking all over the place and hopefully get him to concentrate on me and calm down.

"Jay, look at me" I say, not achieving anything. I keep my eyes locked on his, hoping that his panicked glance somehow happens to land on me. "Jay, can you hear me? Jay!"

In that exact moment, Antonio cuts his hands free, and they immediately fly to land on top of mine, trying to knock them away.

We struggle for a few seconds, him breathing and me just screaming his name, until his eyes accidentally lock on mine.

And I realize that he's looking at me like I'm a ghost.

Shit.

"Jay, do you know who I am?"

He goes dead white, whispers something that sounds a lot like I'm sorry and I couldn't do it, before his eyes roll back and his head lolls to the side.

"Will?!" Al asks, alarmed at the sudden turn of events.

My hand immediately shoots for his wrist to check his pulse again. Thankfully it's the same as before, except maybe a bit more excited. (Or more likely scared.)

"It's okay, he just passed out."

Al doesn't seem convinced whatsoever, but then again, neither am I. I can hear him radio for a chopper to meet us, but I'm too occupied with what just happened to care.

What worries me, are the words that came out of Jay's mouth and the fact that they make no sense to me. What would he be sorry for? What wasn't he able to do?

Before I can get my brain to form an answer though, he moans, rolling his head to the other side, before his eyelids flutter open again.

I decide to let the unanswered question go and focus on helping him instead.

"Jay? You with me?" I ask, cautiously, fearing another reaction similar to what I've just experienced ten seconds ago.

Thankfully, his eyes slowly travel the distance from the ground to me, before finding my eyes.

He looks absolutely exhausted, but here nevertheless.

"Can you hear me?" I ask again, hoping for a more explicit response this time.

I get a small nod, before his eyes slip closed.

"Hey, look at me" I yell, shaking him slightly and waiting for him to make eye contact with me, before continuing. "Can you breathe okay?"

You may be wandering why I'm asking him this. You see, it's generally known, that Chloroform knocks you out. It can also give you a horrific headache, make you lethargic and disoriented or make you unable to feel pain or have any sensation. But what people don't know, is that if consumed in larger amounts, it can also cause strained breathing, complete muscle relaxation and even paralysis of the chest muscles, which would be fatal. And the cloth shoved into my brother's mouth for hours and hours was soaking wet...

I realize he hasn't given me an answer yet, so I feel the urge to scream again. "Jay!"

He doesn't say anything, but I can see him wince at the sound.

Of course.

The headache. I'm so stupid. All of the yelling and shaking I'm doing is basically torture for him. Oops. Apparently Antonio noticed the wince too, since he's now standing in between Jay's head an the sun, so that the light won't bother him that much. That was nice of him.

"You have a splitting headache, right? I know, buddy, I'm sorry. I won't yell anymore. You have to stay awake though, okay?"

His eyes open again and he keeps blinking at me.

I guess that could be considered as a decent response. For someone who was just knocked out for hours and hours... Yeah, I'd say it's pretty good. I mean, at least he's maintaining eye-contact.

"Jay, I need you to tell me if you can breathe okay" I say once again, except much less loudly. He gives me a tiny moan, before coughing violently and swallowing as if his throat was filled with thorns.

Oh, yaay, we got our first actual response! Way to go Jay. Let's see if we can keep the winning streak going.

"Does anything other than your head and throat hurt?"

He stays motionless for a while, before shrugging. "Cnt feel nythin."

Right. Great. Thank you Chloroform. He could be seriously injured and not even know it. We got a half of a sentence though. I'd say that's progress.

"Wtr" he mumbles, licking his dry chapped lips.

Al immediately goes fishing inside his pockets and produces a water bottle. I don't think it's a smart idea for Jay to drink yet, but I guess we could try it.

Carefully, we sit him up against Al's chest, Antonio moving slightly to continue providing shade for his eyes, while I bring the bottle towards his lips.

"Small sips, okay?" I say, before tilting the bottler slightly. He takes a tiny sip, but as soon as the water reaches his stomach, he bends over in pain, and the tiny sip comes right back up.

Poor guy.

Puking on an already empty stomach. That can't have been pleasant.

I notice there are tears in his eyes.

Al must've noticed to, because he lays him back down, letting him rest his head on his lap, while he keeps rubbing Jay's back and gently rocking back and forth.

"Are you okay?" I ask once he fails to reopen his eyes.

He shakes his head and mumbles one simple word out. Sick. Can't say I didn't see it coming. I place my hand on his forehead, nevertheless, feeling the heat radiating from him.

"I know, buddy, I'll give you something as soon as I get some fluids in you, okay?"

We have bigger problems at hand that need to be dealt with right away though. He's way too warm to the touch, which can only mean one thing. Rapid strong heartbeat, fast and shallow breathing, confusion, headache, dizziness, flushed skin, nausea. This has heat stroke written all over it.

I start going through the ABCs of what you're supposed to do if someone is suffering from heat exhaustion, but you have no medical equipment whatsoever.

Number one: get the person out of the sun.

That one's a little tricky, considering the fact that we're in a desert.

"We need to get him out of the sun" I blurt out, just as Voight's car rounds the corner.

Thank God, that's perfect. The car could provide us just enough shade _and_ it contains all of my medical equipment, which is really great.

"How is he?" Voight asks, jumping out of the car, clearly worried.

"As good as he can be, I guess" I respond. "I think he's kinda over sunbathing, though" I joke, trying to lighten the mood, without scaring Jay.

He doesn't seem to catch my joke, so I still can't tell id his brain has turned into mush yet. What better way to check his mental state than making him move, am I right?

"Come on, buddy, let's get you up" I say, gently grabbing one of his hands, as Al takes the other. We pull him into a sitting position again, which results in his eyes rolling back. "Hey, you good?" I ask, slapping his cheek a little, successfully getting him to open his eyes again. They never focus on me though. Well, I guess that's not happening. Apparently our surroundings are extremely interesting. "Alright, let's stand the rest of the way" I encourage him, bracing myself for the collapse I know is about to come with the altitude change. Together with Al, we have just enough strength to drag Jay up to his feet with Antonio propping him up from the back. I'm well aware of the fact that the three of us are taking most of Jay's weight, but it's more than I could dare to ask for.

I give him time to adjust to the height, before speaking again.

"Let's try walking, okay? Think you could do that?" Once he doesn't move, I rub a hand on his thigh to make him remember where his legs are and how to use them. "Move your leg, buddy." I gently kick his heel from the back, forcing him to take a tiny little step forward. "There you go, you're doing great. Let's try moving the other leg."

I am well aware of the fact that Jay would be furious if he could hear the way I'm babying him right now, but it's not like I have a choice. Right now, his brain's so overstimulated with everything it's making him unable to preform the simplest things.

A lot more encouraging and commotion later, we finally manage to complete the short distance from the sand to the car.

"Good job, buddy. Let's sit down for a second" I say, carefully depositing my brother in the small shade. We sit him up against the car door, successfully shielding his whole body from direct sunlight.

Voight crouches down next to me. "Shouldn't we get him to a hospital?" he whispers into my ear, so that Jay wouldn't hear him, because we all know that upon hearing the dreadful h-word, he'd refuse to go.

"Al requested a chopper and we have to get him stabilized before we move him anyway" I explain, earning a nod. "Can you get me my medical bag?" I ask, giving him an encouraging smile, before transferring my attention back to my brother.

"Jay, you with me?" I ask, gently rubbing his arm to get him to look at me. I'd never do that on a normal day, but since he still seems pretty out of it, I'm hoping he doesn't have the strength to hit me.

"Mmm" he groans in response. Well, it's better than nothing.

"How you feeling, buddy?" I continue my interrogation, while measuring his pulse again. Same as before.

Once Voight sets the medical bag down next to me, I start digging for the thermometer. I need to know exactly how bad this heat exhaustion is.

I press it into Jay's ear, narrating every step as I go, so I wouldn't startle him. The beep still scares him though.

Al gets a monologue of soothing words going, while I check the number.

104.2

That's not good. Definitely heat stroke. We have to move _fast_ before his condition deteriorates.

I can feel everyone staring at me, waiting for any sort of news, but there's no time for that.

"He's burning up, we have to cool him down a bit. Antonio, spread out the space blanket" I order, tapping my brother's cheek to keep him from falling asleep. Seconds later, the sand's hidden by the blanket.

"Let's lay him down." Al immediately assists me in gently moving my brother's upper body, as Antonio and Voight deal with his legs.

"Antonio, help me get the pants off of him" I say tossing him the scissors, before ripping Jay's shirt open and pealing it away from his skin. I'm honestly surprised by the sight. No sign of cuts and bruises and I can't feel any broken ribs either. Whoever this Garcia person is, he couldn't have been very violent when handling my brother. I'm sure he fought back enough to at least earn a broken rib or two... Well, I guess Garcia isn't much of a let's-sort-this-out-by-punching kinda guy. Lucky Jay, I guess.

I notice Jay's black jeans are now gone and he's left in only boxers.

"Keep his legs elevated above heart level."

Antonio does so, as Voight steps forward to help me.

"Al, keep him awake, Voight, grab the ice packs and put them on his neck, armpits and groin. I'll set up the IV."

After about ten minutes of having a hard time finding vanes, three IV lines are successfully set up. One in each elbow and one on his leg. "Hold this and squeeze gently" I say, passing one of the IV bags to Antonio and the other two to Al.

"Jay? You doing okay buddy?" I ask, while checking his temperature again. It's still holding steady at 104.

"How far out's that helicopter?" I whisper to Al, whose face turns into an even more concerned one.

Ten minutes.

Jay has to last ten more minutes in this heat.

His pulse is getting way too fast for my liking. I have to get his temperature down or he's gonna crash.

_Think, Will, think._

"Can you give me one of those water bottles?" I ask no one specific, holding a hand out in the air. I am soon awarded with a cold and wet piece of round plastic.

"Jay, I need you to listen to me. You have a really high fever, so I need to get it down, okay?"

He doesn't respond and his eyes keep staring at the sky without as much as blinking. "This is gonna feel a little cold, okay buddy? Just relax."

I pour the icy cold water on Jay's chest, making him shudder underneath my fingers. His eyes stay glued to the bright blue sky, seemingly unaware of anything that's going on.

"Give me another one" I ask Voight, who hands me two more water bottles, while taking some himself and mimicking me.

Six bottles later, my brother's shivering as if he were half-way frozen.

Grabbing the thermometer again, I'm relieved to see that we got his temperature down to 102.9.

Small steps.

At some point, Antonio has taken off his shirt, soaked it with cold water and given it to Al, who's now holding it against Jay's head.

"Do we have anything we could fan him with?" I ask, and somehow, Voight produces a folder and starts fanning my brother with it, while I keep myself occupied by pouring water on him.

By the time the helicopter can be heard, we have exhausted most of our supplies.

Just as I open my mouth to explain to Jay what's about to happen, his eyes start darting all over the place again, while his move, and go to rip out the IVs.

The helicopter.

Rangers.

Those two things don't go together with a semi-conscious and confused Jay who's just been kidnapped too well.

"Hey, it's okay, they're here to help. I promise. You're safe" I say, grabbing both of his hands to keep him from touching anything.

I can hear Antonio grunt in the background, having earned a kick in the guts from my panicked brother.

Brilliant.

This is just what he needs right now.

Stress on top of stress. And let's not forget the heat stroke.

"Thirty year-old male, suffering from heat stroke after being missing for two days. He was knocked out using Chloroform for hours at a time, while being left in the desert. He's severely dehydrated and can't tolerate water. He has three cold IVs running to hopefully get his temperature down. It went from 104 to 102.9 last time I checked. He also has a severe headache, so try not to yell."

"Okay. What's his name?" one of the paramedics asks.

"Jay" all four of us respond at the same time, making the paramedic give us a puzzled look.

"Jay?" she says quite loudly, rubbing a hand on his sternum, which only results in him freaking out even more. "Can you hear me, sweetheart?"

After a couple more tries she turns towards me. "Has he been like this the whole time?"

I have to think about that one for a second. "He was unconscious when we found him, woke up really confused and disoriented, passed out again and woke up way more coherent than the first time. He's still kinda out of it, though."

"Okay, what about the freaking out bit? When did that start?"

"It's been on and off the whole time. Ultimately, he got freaked out by the helicopter." After earning a confused look, I feel the need to further explain. "He used to be a soldier."

That earns an _oh_ from the paramedic. Yeah... oh.

She tells the other paramedic to get the back board, before trying to get through to Jay once again.

"Jay? My name's Sarah and I'm a paramedic. I'm here to help you, okay?"

It takes all four of us to keep Jay from hurting anybody, including himself.

"I'm just giving you something to stop the shivering, okay?" the paramedic says, emptying a syringe of muscle relaxant into one of his IV accesses.

Once the second paramedic gets back with the backboard, I can see the way this is gonna go.

The second that Jay realizes he's being strapped down, all hell's gonna break loose and we're all gonna go down in flames.

I'm just hoping he passes out before it comes to that.

We all try giving him our own versions of the same pep-talk as we roll him on his side, while the paramedics slide the back board underneath him. They put a cooling blanket over it, before motioning for us to put Jay back down, flat on his back.

Now comes the hard part.

He's screaming his lungs out now, while wrestling us as if his life depended on it. I really don't know where he got the energy from. Survival instinct, I guess.

Al is basically hugging Jay from behind, successfully pinning both of his arms against his chest. Voight's pinning his ankles down, using all of his weight, while Antonio is holding his thighs. That leaves me to do the actual strapping down part.

Knowing that his upper body's gonna be the hard part, I decide to do that first. As soon as I draw the first strap across his upper chest, he starts screaming for his life, making my ears and heart bleed. His fingers are clawing at my hands, visibly scared that I'll hurt him.

Once I come to the conclusion that there's no way in hell I'm gonna be able to strap his arms down, the paramedic pulls out the soft restraints.

I decide I will _not_ be the person, who puts my own brother in restraints that I know he'll hate, so I grab both of his hands and let her do the dirty work.

Once we have his upper body strapped to the back board, I move on to the legs, while the paramedics starts connecting Jay to the machines.

He keeps freaking out as she attaches the sticky pads from the heart monitor to his chest and earns and angry sounding beep from the machine in response.

A proper arm workout later, we have him cocooned in the space blanket, together with all of the IVs and ice packs, everything strapped into place.

He's cursing in a way that would make our mother want to wash his mouth with soap, so I try my best to block it out and occupy myself with examining the bright orange straps.

I don't know how much time passes, but the next thing I'm aware of is my name being said.

And the voice saying it, is my brother's.

"Wi-" gasp. "Will Halstead. Get Will." He pauses and takes a couple shaky breaths. I'm about to say something really excited, when he continues. "Find Will Halstead. Tell him I'm sorry."

I'm frozen in place with my mouth wide open. So is Antonio and so is Al. Voight on the other hand, looks as pale as a ghost.

"Who's that? Who's Will Halstead?" the paramedic asks upon noticing our shocked faces, clearly aware of the fact that there's more to this story than she knows.

"Me" I deadpan, making her eyebrows arch up.

"And who are you?" she asks me, since the name Will Halstead doesn't mean anything to her.

"I'm his brother."

That makes her gasp.

Jay keeps mumbling that he _needs Will Halstead_ , he _needs to find his brother_ and he _needs to tell him he's sorry_.

And I'm right there, holding his hand. Except he can't see me.

"Alright, you're coming with us, while the rest of you can meet us at the hospital" the paramedic announces, so we help carry Jay to the helicopter, before Jay's team rushes back towards the car, while I'm given a set of noise-blocking headphones.

I let them sit in my lap, wanting to hear what my brother's saying, no matter how much it hurts.

I can see tears slipping down his cheeks.

He seems so scared.

"Heey, I'm right here. We got you back, buddy" I say, squeezing his hand. "I'm here. Tell me what's wrong."

"I want mom."

_Oh God._

The paramedic gives me a sympathy look- "I'm sorry. I can't knock him out..." She trails off as I nod in understanding. I know she can't give him anything in the field unless she absolutely has to.

I think _this_ would be a good enough reason to sedate someone, but I know how dangerous it can be when you don't know what you're dealing with. So I say nothing.

Jay keeps sobbing out the three-letter word, desperately calling for the person who could always make the worst pain go away. The person who only exists in the other world. The one person, I can't bring to him, no matter how badly I want to.

So I grab his hand.

And talk.

"Jay, I'm right here. It's okay. You're going to be okay. I know everything seems crazy right now, but we found you. We're gonna get you help, you're going to be okay. Trust me. I'm right here."

Something in my speech seems to grab his attention, because his whispers grow silent and his teary eyes slowly look over to me.

"Don't leave me" he whispers. I don't know if that was meant for me, or someone only he can see, but I latch onto the words as if they were my lifeline.

"I won't, Jay. I promise. I won't."

And with that, the chopper takes off towards Med.

**Will's P.O.V.**

It's been an eventful day to say the least, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad it was close to being over.

After being brought in, Jay's rectal temperature refused to drop below 102 degrees, despite the cold IVs and ice packs, so the doctor opted for sedating him in order to do all the necessary tests and treatment.

The blood tests confirmed increased levels of potassium and decreased gas levels, which could indicate damage to the nervous system and internal organs. After being pumped full of fluids to counteract the severe dehydration, the urine test came back clear and kidney failure was successfully avoided. Muscle function tests didn't show any significant damage and neither did the scans. In fact, all the imaging tests came back completely clear. Not even a concussion.

After being immersed in cold water for quite a while, Jay's temperature finally broke.

Eight hours later, I'm sitting in a hospital chair, holding one of my brother's hands as he sleeps.

He's wrapped in a special cooling blanket to prevent his fever from spiking again and the nasal cannula is providing him some extra oxygen, just to make sure his lungs get enough air as he sleeps off the side effects of Chloroform. His wrists are wrapped in white bandages, the IVs are still there as is the catheter to keep an eye on his kidney function, but other than that he's okay. Well, as okay as he can be.

I'm still worried about his mental state as no one really knows what he's been through before being knocked out. He might remember, he might not. He might be fine, he might not. Whatever the case, I need to give him all the support he needs. If that's protecting him from evil doctor pokes, so be it. If that's chasing away bad dreams, I'll stay awake all night if I have to. If that's wiping away tears, I'll buy all of the tissues in the world. If that's searching for words to describe it, I'll wait and listen. If it's not asking questions, I can do that too.

And we have a whole team, a second family, behind us for support.

We'll figure it out as we go.

I share a look with Voight, who's been standing beside me this whole time, refusing to leave until he was sure Jay would be okay.

"What a day, huh?" he says patting my shoulder, successfully lightening the mood.

I manage a small laugh, just as he motions for me to look at Jay. I can feel a nervous knot form in my stomach, before I turn my head to see two baby blue eyes staring back at me.

"Hey" I say, earning a smile from him.

"I think I'm done with desert getaways" Jay whispers. I can't help but laugh at that and I can hear Voight chuckle behind me. Tears stream into my eyes, and I can't help mself. I know that he's here. _Actually_ here.

"Yeah, me too" I whisper, not bothering to wipe the tears away. I'm never letting go of his hand again. Well at least until he tells me to and threatens to put hot sauce in my lunch.

His eyes still look hazy and his pupils are blown, but for just a second, I can see the spark in them.

And I can breathe again.

I know, everything's gonna be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually... we'll be okay.

He closes his eyes again, seemingly a lot calmer than he was before.

"I'm gonna head home for a while, okay?" Voight says, standing up and cracking his back. "Call me if you need anything." He stands up, patting Jay's leg and whispering what sounds like _you did good, kiddo, rest up_.

I thank him for everything before wishing him a decent night of sleep, before trying my best to melt the chair and my body into one for the night, and drifting off to sleep myself.

However, the second the door closes, Jay's eyes snap open.

I guess he wasn't sleeping after all.

"Will?" he asks in a voice that is so broken and pure it almost makes my heart break.

"Yeah?"

"Is this real?"

I pause.

He keeps blinking at me with those baby blue innocent eyes who've seen some of the worst and most horrible things in the world, and yet they still carry so much kindness and love in them.

I know what he's asking me.

Is this just a dream he's gonna have to wake up from and end up being back in that desert? Back in the unknown, back in the hands of somebody wishing to hurt him? Scared and all alone?

He's looking for a lifeline. Something he can grab onto whenever he's lost in between both worlds, our world and his world, and doesn't know which way to go.

Doesn't know which way's home.

"Yes, Jay" I whisper, grabbing his hand. "This is real."

_The end. Or is it?_


	27. Almost Like A Walk On The Beach - part 4

**Will's P.O.V.**

"So, it's really over?" my brother asks with a shaky voice, still trying to come to terms with everything that's happened, while fidgeting with his blanket. I open my mouth, ready to answer the same exact question for the hundredth time, but a rough voice beats me to it.

"Yeah, kid. It's over."

Voight's response seems to release all the tension in my brother's body, as he exhales and slumps down against his pillows.

Don't be fooled, the seemingly calm state won't last very long. Trust me.

The same exact thing has happened three times already. And that's just since I've started keeping score after having noticed the pattern in the first place. Same question, same answer, followed by the same reaction, which lasts less and less each time. The first time around, it lasted almost the entire visit from Voight. The second time was about ten minutes. At this rate, the calmness this time around should last about... a second, give or take.

Brilliant.

The first 48 hours of this particular 72-hour hospital stay are up and let me tell you I'm _so_ over it. And it's not just the uncomfortable plastic chair that insists on giving me a hernia. It's also on behalf of my adorable little brother, who keeps bugging me as if he could live off of it instead of oxygen.

I've tried bribing him with actual food from any restaurant he wants. I've tried silently watching a baseball game with him. I've tried fluffing his pillows. I've tried talking to him and I've even tried leaving him alone. (Yes, I actually know how to do that. I just don't want to.)

Nothing seems to work.

He's in this annoying little bubble of his, where all the insecurities and unpleasant feelings are trapped, getting bigger and bigger by the minute, threatening to eventually get too big for the bubble, burst it and explode all over the place, taking Jay down with them.

I refuse to let that happen. I just don't know if I have the power to stop it.

Every now and then, he snaps at me for no particular reason and I get a glimpse into what the inside of this bubble looks like.

Angry, touchy, annoyed, exhausted, constantly on high alert.

All of those would work.

Terrified would work too.

If I even try to leave, he starts whining, making me sit back down and hold his hand. That leaves me to take bathroom breaks whenever he looks asleep. (Yeah, I meant to say _looks_ , because he hasn't actually been sleeping. Not really, anyway. He keeps dozing off from time to time, but never actually lets himself fall into deep sleep. That is until he passes out from pure exhaustion.) In my already rushed state, with a bladder that's about to burst any second (silently cursing every single cup of coffee I've consumed), I have to carefully peel his fingers away from mine, before trying to evaporate so that I don't have to make any noise. Once that doesn't work, I tiptoe out the door, hoping Jay's actually asleep for real this time. It usually lasts about ten seconds before his eyes snap open and then it takes him another two minutes to completely freak himself out, before he finally gives in and presses the emergency button, which always has nurses _running_ to his room.

And then I get to listen to them complain about how all he needed was me.

Whenever someone else is around, he somehow manages to keep his guards up, put on a brave face and pretend like nothing's wrong. But I see it. I see it all the time. I see the fidgeting and the jumpiness. I see the constant fear in his eyes. I see the casual trembling of his lip and the way he randomly turns on his right side, so that I can't see the tears sliding down his cheeks and eventually drowning in his pillow. The quiet sniffs are always a dead giveaway.

They say that the guy responsible for all of this is behind bars and not going anywhere in the near future, but no matter how many times we've said this to Jay, he still doesn't seem to believe it.

As if he knows something bad's about to happen.

Something none of us can foresee.

"Jay" Voight says gently, awakening me from my deep thoughts and making Jay jump slightly at the sound of his own name. That's another habit he's gained over the span of two days. And I don't like it. "I know I've already asked you this, but is there anything you remember? Anything at all?"

The same question has been on the plate ever since Jay woke up for the second time and was a bit less out of it.

That's also when the constant fidgeting started, alerting me of the fact that something's very wrong. And I have a hunch it's not something doctors can fix.

He keeps insisting that he's fine and that he doesn't remember anything form the past few days. The last thing he _does_ remember is going to work the morning before he got kidnapped. Everything after that is a blank. Or so he says.

But I know my brother. I think there's more to the story, he just doesn't wanna tell us, because he's afraid we'll look at him differently. Think less of him. Know he's not invincible.

"Sorry, Sarge" Jay rasps out, voice still hoarse from the Chloroform and dehydration.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it, kid" Voight responds, patting his shoulder, while I eye him carefully, searching for any sort of giveaway that he knows something. "If you remember anything, tell Will to give me a call, okay?"

Jay nods, keeping his eyes glued to the sheet covering his lower half.

We all know he's lying.

And if you're wondering what the reason behind _him_ having to tell _me_ to call _Voight_ is, I've confiscated his phone. For the rest of eternity. After the team retreated it from wherever Garcia had tossed it and gave it back to Jay, he wouldn't stop messing with it, which mind you is _not_ advised in his current medical condition. So, I snatched it out of his hands and shoved it so deep inside my pocket that it will never see the light of day again. Metaphorically speaking.

"Alright, I'm going back to the precinct to do some paperwork, but I'll be back this afternoon, okay?" Voight says, giving me a pat on the shoulder.

"Obviously" Jay huffs in response. "All the bad in this world can't stop just because me and my eternal greatness are stuck in here."

Well, that was an odd comment. Even for Jay.

Voight doesn't seem to mind it though and actually grins back at him, while simultaneously rolling his eyes. He waves the comment away, telling Jay to get some rest and strolls out the door.

And then it's just me and the bubble again.

We sit in silence for at least fifteen minutes, him pretending he's sleeping and me, staring at him indiscreetly.

"Jay?" I say eventually, getting a hum in response. "Why'd you apologize to me back in the desert?" I know how risky this particular question is, so I try to be as careful as I can. But who am I kidding, I'm still a Halstead, therefore I'm reckless, impulsive, sassy and sometimes stupid. Deal with it.

"Don't know what you're talking about, Will. I told you I don't remember."

His eyes are still closed, hiding the unspoken truth from me.

"I know you're lying, Jay. You might not remember everything, but you _do_ remember some things." He peels his eyes open and looks straight at me, looking both innocent and furious at the same time. Oh, the glorious Halstead gene. I'm telling you, it's a curse. Let's see which side wins - the angel or the devil. "I know you haven't been sleeping and I know you're scared to be alone. You refuse to let me leave your side and you don't even mind me holding your hand. You can keep lying to your team if you want, but I see right through you, Jay. And I wanna help." I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat. He's either gonna cave or I'm gonna be decapitated in the span of two seconds. I really hope I get to eat something other than Jay's leftover jello for my last supper. "Talk to me."

Something in his eyes changes as soon as the words leave my mouth. Everything's out on the plate. All of the emotions, the pain, the obvious exhaustion he can no longer hide.

"I-" he starts, the trembling in his voice making him stop. He sighs in frustration, probably angry at himself for not even being able to get a single sentence out.

"It's okay, take your time" I whisper, leaning forward and rubbing circles on the back of his hand as a form of soothing.

"I- don't-" he tries again, but fails, only adding to his frustration. The words that follow are slow and irregularly spaced out, with pauses that are too long for a casual conversation, but appropriate for this one. "I don't know exactly what I said to you. But I- I remember..."

I give him a while to regain himself, before gently nudging him to continue, afraid he'll shut me out again.

"I remember giving up."

The words are spoken so quietly I almost miss them.

I stare at him, without blinking, refusing to swallow the lump in my throat, because I know he'll notice my shock if I do. After a few seconds, his eyes glance sideways towards me, his head not lifting in the slightest.

It almost seems like he's checking if I'm still there. Still listening. Still offering him support.

"Jay-"

"I failed you" he cuts me off, stopping my words dead in their tracks. "I couldn't hold on. It was too much. I-" the first tear hits the sheet right next to his hand, which is somewhere in the process of ripping a hole in the fabric with its nails. "I said goodbye."

That one stings more than anything ever could.

I've found myself watching my brother hanging by a thread numerous times, and just the thought of having to say goodbye to him sickens me.

The decision is made in an instant.

Since I refuse to let go of his hand, I do some impossible, dramatic, awkward-looking manoeuvre to reach the top of Jay's bed with my opposite hand. His eyes glance sideways again as he chuckles at me through his now stuffy nose, more tears slipping down his cheeks.

"What are you-"

"Got it!" I announce victoriously, while lowering the bed railing and climbing onto the bed next to him _without_ letting go of his hand.

You may clap now.

"Scoot over" I say, noticing there's clearly not enough space for me, unless I wanna continue my awkwardness-streak and fall off the bed, splitting my head open on the tile floor.

As soon as I'm situated in the safe range of the mattress, he snuggles against me, his head resting on my chest, probably listening to the unsteady beat of my heart.

"You didn't fail me, Jay. You've been through some terrible things in your life and this one's no different. Your mind must've been going crazy. Well- crazier than normal" I add, trying to lighten the mood. "You hung in there, Jay. You made it out alive."

"But I almost didn't" he whispers.

"You see, I don't think that a-word matters right now. You made it. If you want me to say it, I _will_." I pause, silently hoping he'll stop me. He doesn't. "Even if you hadn't made it, I wouldn't blame you, Jay. I'd probably blame Garcia... but I would _never_ blame _you_. I know you'd fight till the end. You continue to prove that to me every day."

He stays silent, but at some point, the tears stop forming and soaking my shirt.

I'd never say this out loud but really do love moments like this. Don't get me wrong, I _hate_ seeing my brother get hurt with a passion, but these are the moments where I get to be an older brother again.

There was a time, when I wasn't around. A time when mom was sick, and Jay was the only one there. He had to grow up overnight because of me. The boy I used to know, became a man. And then he joined the rangers, where the man turned into a hero.

And I wasn't even there to see it.

Just like I didn't get that phone call saying he was injured. I didn't get to be the one trying desperately to find a lastminute flight to Germany, without even knowing if I was only going there to identify his body or gather his belongings. Didn't get to be the one to panic the whole flight there over not knowing anything and the fact that he came so close to being blown to pieces. Didn't get to be there when he finally woke up. Didn't get to help with his recovery.

I wasn't there to see him have a panic attack for the first time. Wasn't there to help when life seemed impossible to him. Just like I wasn't there when he wanted to pull the trigger and end it.

Wasn't there when he signed into the police academy. Wasn't there to see him graduate. Wasn't there to see him go from patrolling to getting shot and actually being super excited about it, because not only was he adding a really cool scar to his collection, but he was also getting his ultimate dream as a reward – intelligence.

I wasn't there to see him turn his life back around.

I missed so much.

When we were little, he used to look up to me. He'd always wanna hang out with me, no matter what I was doing. He'd even sit silently, watching me do my homework. Entertaining, right? And, he's Jay. The same Jay, who couldn't stay still for more than five seconds to save his life.

I used to be his _hero_.

Until then.

Then, I became just another person, who left.

"Thanks, Will" Jay whispers, pressing his face against me and successfully startling me from my internal self-destruction. (That talent also comes with the Halstead gene in case you were wondering.) "I'm glad you're here."

I know he's forgiven me about not being there. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself. I don't deserve it.

It's moments like this, that give me hope though. It's moments like this, when Jay's guards are down and he lets me in again, just like the old times. Lets me be his brother, even though he's become a bigger man than I could ever be years ago.

And I couldn't be more thankful.

There's another blank space that needs to be filled, though. I've asked Jay's team what the motive behind this whole kidnapping thing was, but all I managed to get out of anyone was _revenge_. No explanation what for or more importantly against who.

"Jay?" I ask carefully, hoping the subject isn't too touchy. "Why you?"

Jay stays quiet for such a long time that I start to think the answer's never coming. But then, he takes a deep breath and whispers out the truth.

"Hit Voight where it hurts the most. His family."

He leaves it at that, but to be honest, no further explanation's needed anyway. I know what he's implying.

The team's like a second family to Jay. In every meaning of the word. Antonio, Adam, Kevin and Jay... they fight exactly like siblings. One second they're the best team out there, and the next they're full-on wrestling over the last cup of coffee. Then there's the girls, who are more or less treated as the bad-ass princesses. As for Voight and Al, they're the father figures. Sure, Al has his own family, but Voight... Voight lost his family. First his wife, then his son... then Erin. The team's the closest thing to a family he has. And my brother's the closest thing to a son. Ever since Jay first got into intelligence, him and Voight shared a special bond. To be honest, Voight probably had a soft spot for Jay since before he was even on the team. He loves him, whether he likes to admit it or not.

"So, this guy's holding a grudge against Voight?" I ask, pulling the blanket further up as soon as I feel Jay shiver.

"Something like that. My CI raided him out. We went to bust him when things got a bit hairy." He pauses, taking a couple of deep breaths, either from being so tired or to calm himself down. "Voight strangled his sidekick and threw him in the river."

Oh. Wow. Awesome. Not sure I needed to know that.

Suddenly, I feel the need to wrap my hands tightly around Jay's shoulders and hopefully never have to let him go again.

"I take it Garcia wasn't too happy about that" I whisper, silently reminding myself that Voight is a perfectly normal human being, who just happens to find innovative ways of solving his problems. Like I said, perfectly normal.

"Yeah, you could say that."

I close my eyes in order to hopefully ground myself and figure out what to do with the new information. Freak out? Go on a hunt and try to strangle this Garcia person myself? Let Voight do it?

After I have myself under control again, I notice Jay's still fiddling with one of the creases in the bed sheet as if it were the most interesting thing ever. I put my hand over his, stilling the movement.

"Jay? How are you _really_?"

I've asked him this at least a dozen times and gotten the same exact response each time. Can you guess what it was? Come on, take a wild guess.

 _Fine_.

The beloved word that I often wish was banned from the dictionary, because it tells you absolutely nothing useful. More often than not, the person is anything but fine, but since they refuse to tell you that, your hands are tied.

Voight tried asking him too, as did Rhodes, Choi and pretty much everyone else who's stepped foot in this room.

"It doesn't hurt anymore" Jay responds, shocking me. Am I dreaming or did he actually tell me something I can use against him this time? I am very close to asking him who he is and what he's done with my brother, but I manage to bite my tongue. "The headache's gone. I know what's real and what isn't, so that's good. I'm still a little sore, but that's about it."

"That's really good, Jay. Thank you for telling me that" I whisper, resisting the urge to tighten my hug even more. "I might actually be able to sleep tonight" I joke.

He doesn't laugh though.

"No, you won't. Just like I won't."

He's probably right.

"You know we could give you something for that, right?" I offer, knowing fully well that he won't accept the sedatives.

"I don't want it" he declines. "Makes me woozy."

Aaand we're back at square one.

"Might help if _you_ stay here though" he adds quietly.

"What do you mean? I've been here every night-"

"I mean _here_ here" he says, pointing his finger downward. I translate the gesture to _right next to me on the hospital bed, which is against hospital policy, but I don't care_.

And I don't care either.

"We could try that" I agree, leaning my head forward, so that my chin's resting on top of his head.

I almost fall asleep from pure relief, before he speaks up again.

"Will?"

"Hmm?"

"There's a metallic taste in my mouth."

I pause for a second, needing a moment to compose myself after the harsh reality check that everything's not fixed just yet. "That's from Chloroform. It'll go away in a couple of days, but I can get you a popsicle to suck on if you'd like" I offer, looking downward in order to see his face.

At the sound of a popsicle, his eyes light up like those of a five-year-old who just got a piece of candy after scraping his knee.

"I'll take that as a yes" I chuckle, ruffling his hair. "I'll be right back."

I gently slide from under him and reposition him, so that he's comfortable in the soft embrace of his pillows and blankets.

Once I reach the glass sliding door, I turn around with a grin. " _Do not_ press the emergency button. Otherwise I'll eat the popsicle by myself and make you watch it."

"You wouldn't" he says, with the most horrified expression I've ever seen, making me raise one of my eyebrows.

"Watch me."

"Yes, _mom_ " Jay says, rolling his eyes. I know it's meant to be funny, but the word mom stabs me right in the heart. Ever since I've heard him desperately calling for her...

There's no time for that. The popsicle and the five-year-old inside of Jay await.

**Voight's P.O.V.**

"Jesus" I curse the second my own ringtone scares the crap out of me.

I got so caught up in thinking about Halstead I completely lost track of pretty much everything else. I could literally be half way to Mexico right now and wouldn't even know it. Judging by the familiar intersection it must've only been a couple of minutes though.

I allow myself a glance to the right only to see Alvin's name flashing on my screen. Great. Couldn't wait five more minutes till I got to the precinct. Guess not. I really hope the Earth is on fire.

I look back at the road, blindly patting down the whole seat, before finally finding landing on my phone.

"I'm on my wa-"

"Voight" Al says with a tone I could only identify as alarmed. "Tell me you're still at the hospital."

"No, I just left" I blurt out, still not getting the memo that something is terribly wrong.

"Garcia's been released."

Oh no. This can't be good.

"What?! What do you mean _released_?"

"I don't have the details, Voight. You need to get back to Jay."

I immediately slam my brakes and make a U-turn, successfully avoiding every other car and only making about a handful of drivers angry. Not too bad.

"How long?" I ask, calculating how much time it would take someone to get from the holding cell to Med.

"An hour" Al says defeated. Damn it, that's _definitely_ enough time. Even long enough to stop and get coffee on the way. "We'll meet you there" Al says, as I speed back towards the hospital.

"I'll call Will."

I've never been more thankful to have Will set as one of my speed dials. With Jay being a trouble magnet, you can never be too safe.

I'm starting to lose my patience after the second ring goes without an answer, before an overly happy Halstead finally picks up.

"Hey, Voight, hang on a sec" he says, before all I can hear is extremely loud crunching of some sort, followed by a loud thud and a curse. I roll my eyes in frustration, resisting the urge to yell at him. "Sorry, dropped my phone. Great news" he all but screams in excitement, making me very thankful that Jay doesn't share this naïve bubbly personality with his brother.

"Where's Jay?" I cut him off, probably offending him in the process.

"Um… his room. Why? It's really not a good time if you wanted to talk to him." He keeps talking, making me more and more annoyed by the second. Or maybe I'm just worried.

"You with him?"

"No. I'm getting him a popsicle. It was the funniest thing-"

"Will!" I yell, the realization of something being wrong finally getting through to him.

"What's wrong?" he asks carefully.

"Garcia's been released." I give him a tenth of a second for the information to sink in. "I have a feeling he might try to finish what he started-"

It's my turn to get cut off now. "You mean he's here?!"

Wow, his voice gets high when he's scared.

I realize I don't actually have the answer to that question. But I have a hunch that's exactly where he is. Or will be anytime now.

"He could be…" I trail off, realising the stupid mistake I've just made. Both Will and Jay are extremely protective of each other. Recklessness and impulsiveness are also another thing they have in common. "Listen to me, Will. Do not go in there alone, you hear me? Call security. I'm on my way. I'm three minutes out. Just wait for me."

Who am I kidding? Nothing could keep Will away from his brother at this point.

I can hear rhythmical pounding, which can only mean he's running. I slam my foot on the pedal a little harder just as the line goes dead.

_Please, don't get caught in the crossfire._

_To be continued..._


	28. Almost Like A Walk On The Beach - part 5

**Will's P.O.V.**

The second I hear those horrible words leave Voight's mouth, I'm _running_ towards my brother's room, begging the universe for Garcia to be anywhere but that room. Literally anywhere. I'd even rather face an unplanned desert getaway with him _myself_ than have Jay spend another second in his presence.

Wait, actually never mind. I'd much rather see Jay face a couple more seconds with him, if that meant he wasn't dead.

Oh for heaven's sake, why do I have to have such a great imagination?

I can think of at least a dozen possible ways of Garcia killing Jay on the spot.

Great. I'm really considering darting for one of the trashcans on the way and losing my breakfast in it, but I can't afford to waste another second. Jay might not have a second.

Don't worry, I'm also well aware of the fact that I'm walking headfirst straight into hell, but I could care less right now. I just wanna get to Jay as soon as humanly possible. Using Jay's standards of fast-moving of course, not mine.

_Please don't be dead, please don't be dead._

Have these hallways always been this long?! I mean, this is ridiculous! It must take forever for nurses to reach their patients through this maze. We just had to put Jay in the most distant room possible, didn't we? To hell with privacy, if it means a criminal can walk into your room unnoticed and 'finish what he started'. I believe those were Voight's exact words.

Speaking of Voight, I'm pretty sure I can still hear him yelling at me not to be stupid all the way from the phone in my hand, which means I didn't take the time to actually hang up on him.

Now that I think about it, that might've actually been an accidental smart decision, because this way he'll be able to hear it if I get shot the second I walk into Jay's room. Or you know, hear me scream if Jay's the one hosting a bullet somewhere inside of him.

_Just a little more, Jay, hang on. One more corner._

Whoever left that crash cart in the middle of the hall… Not. Practical.

Okay, here's how this is gonna go. I'm gonna get to Jay's room and Garcia's _not_ gonna be there. I'm gonna look like an absolute lunatic, panting like a hyena having an asthma attack, while Jay's gonna laugh in my face and have his long-awaited popsicle. That's the plan.

"Jay!" I scream the second I come crashing through the door of his room, totally taken aback by the sight in front of me.

Jay is very much alive.

Which is great. Maybe my plan's actually gonna work.

He's still sitting on the bed, covered with his comfy blankets, awake and breathing. So, he's pretty much exactly the way I left him.

Well, almost.

The only difference is, that he looks as if he's seen a ghost. Which is _not_ great. He doesn't acknowledge my very noisy and impossible to miss entrance. He also doesn't respond to his name being called and he doesn't blink either. Nothing.

He just keeps staring at the wall right behind me.

_Uh-oh._

I'm gonna go on a limb here and take a wild guess that Garcia's standing right behind me this very second. Correct me if you think I'm wrong.

No, really. Please do. You know I love being wrong. I would _especially_ love to be wrong right now and have this whole thing be a nasty way of throwing Jay a surprise 'you-survived-the-impossible-once-again' party.

I know I should probably turn around, but I really don't want to.

I'd much rather just keep staring in front of me for the rest of eternity, pretending that the rest of the world doesn't exist.

Anybody have any ideas on how I could stop the time? No? Okay then.

Maybe if I turn just a little…

 _Oh no._ I just had to be right, didn't I?!

"Oh, that's cute. What a nice surprise…" a person, who I'm (again) gonna take a wild guess and name Garcia, whispers in the creepiest voice ever, pointing a gun in the general direction of my head, before I can move an inch.

_No, no, no. This can't be happening._

Now I _really_ wish I had taken a second to think before rounding that last corner. That way, I may have realised, that _not_ alerting anyone about what might very likely be going on in the middle of the ICU might not have been the very best idea.

Because now I get to try and keep both of us alive on my own. Which could potentially be a problem.

I think this might be the very first (and hopefully the last) time I've _hoped_ for Jay to have a panic attack.

I promise I'm not crazy. Just hear me out.

Jay having a panic attack would mean his heart would skyrocket, which means that the nurses would immediately get an alert and come rushing in here. But that would also mean that the heart monitor Jay's currently connected to would start wailing, which I'm sure Garcia would notice. And since he happens to have a gun in his hand, he probably plans to use it anyway, so… And with the nurses rushing in, that would mean more casualties… yeah, never mind. That might not be the best option we have. Unless Garcia can't shoot very well and would manage to miss every single person he aims for, but I'm guessing we're not gonna get that lucky.

New plan.

Let's make sure Jay _doesn't_ have a panic attack, so no one else notices what's going on until Voight's close enough to hopefully fix this.

Yep, that's the only plan I have, so we'll go with that.

One glance towards the heart monitor later, I immediately know that Jay's more or less on the verge of either going into full blown freak out mode or becoming catatonic, so I gotta find a way to get through to him before either of those things happen. Without stepping on a nerve of the person with a gun, which complicates things a bit.

Think, Will, think. What would Jay do?

No, still got nothing.

See, this is why I'm a doctor and not a cop. I'm fine under pressure, but _not_ if there's a gun pointed at my head.

Okay, this is not the time to panic, so… I gotta find a way to stall and by us more time.

"Listen man, I don't know who you are or what you want… I'm just here to check on my patient" I stutter, hopefully justifying the reason for my next question. "Jay, can you hear me?"

To my surprise, the blue Bambi eyes actually blink, before locking on mine. Small mercies.

"Hey" I say, exhaling a little bit too obviously. "You doing okay? Take a deep breath, everything's fine."

"Shut up!" Garcia hisses, making me jump.

"I'm sorry, sir" I say, slowly taking a step towards Jay's bed "but I really need to check on him and make sure he's okay-"

"I said shut up! Pretty soon taking care of him won't matter anymore."

Crap. Okay, so maybe I shouldn't try moving just yet.

Garcia slowly leans forward a little, and I have to try my hardest not to move away. "Listen doctor… Halst-"

_Uh-oh._

"Ooh" he laughs. "Isn't this a nice surprise. Not only do I get to kill you" he says, pointing the gun towards Jay, before pressing the gun directly into my temple, "but I also get to kill your _brother_. And make you watch."

_No, no, no._

The second the word _brother_ leaves Garcia's mouth, something in Jay changes drastically. It's like flipping a switch. One second he's lost somewhere in his own world, and the next…

"Don't you dare touch him" Jay hisses, already on his wobbly feet, ready to attack and defend me with his life if needed. And yes, in case you were wondering, Jay's short trip results in the sticky pads, leading to the heart monitor, disconnecting and falling onto the floor next to his bed.

How could this day go from being good to so horrifically bad in the matter of ten minutes?

"Jay, don't-" I try to warn the second I see him reaching for me, before strong hands grab both of my arms, pulling me backwards, until I'm pinned against Garcia's chest, a gun pressed deep into the side of my head.

"Get back or I shoot him!" he hisses, making Jay take a step back, holding his hands up in defeat.

"Okay, okay, relax." I can't believe how steady his voice is. "Just let him go. You can do whatever you want with me, just… let him go first. I won't even put up a fight."

Oh god, Jay, don't do this. Do you have to play the hero? I'm the older brother. I should be the one protecting you, not the other way around.

I'm shooting him the nastiest death stare I can, but I already know there's nothing I can do to prevent him from doing this. He's gonna try his best to catch

"Nah, I don't think so" Garcia says, squeezing me a little tighter. "Remember what your boss did to my best friend?"

Oh, that was a low blow. I can tell by the look on Jay's face that he's silently cursing himself for his poor choice of words. This is gonna get _nasty_.

"He _killed_ him. So, now it's seems fair, that I return the favour."

Jay's squeezing his fists so tight that his knuckles are almost completely white.

_You can't let yourself blow up, Jay. You can't break. For both of us. Voight's coming, we'll be okay._

"You touch him," Jay hisses, slowly taking a step towards us "and I _promise_ you, I will find the most horrible way to kill you."

If looks could kill, Garcia would be dead by now. I don't think I've ever seen Jay this furious. Like ever.

Calm down, Jay. Don't do anything stupid.

Oh, who am I kidding? He's Jay. He's reckless. And there's a gun pointed at my head. Nothing's gonna stop him.

"And then I'm gonna find every last family member you have. And kill them too."

_Jesus, Jay._

The silence that follows only lasts a few seconds, but those few seconds speak so loudly they could move mountains.

For just a split second, I can hear loud steps, resembling heavy boots running down the hallway, but before I can successfully alert Jay, he lurches forward.

Something clicks right next to my ear exactly at the same time as Jay's hand reaches my shoulder and shoves me sideways.

There's a loud bang, before my head meets one of the sharp corners of the hospital bed, instantly giving me a nasty headache, which successfully makes me forget all about the burning sensation deep inside my shoulder.

I think I can hear Jay screaming, but the buzzing in my ears seems to be much louder than him.

The last thing I see before fully emerging into the world of blackness is the broken red and blue popsicle, forgotten on the hospital tiles, serving as an ugly reminder of what could have been.

_Be careful, Jay._

**Rhodes's P.O.V.**

Code blue. Jay's room.

_Crap._

I immediately drop the files I was holding and open my mouth to start yelling orders for a crash cart, before almost getting run over. Literally.

"Voight?!" I ask, completely puzzled by why I'm seeing him running down the hallway. And I mean _running_. As in all-out sprinting through the ICU.

"Jay!" he gasps out, pointing somewhere in the general direction of his room, before drawing out his gun.

I have a feeling there's something I don't know. Something very, very bad. And it's not just the code blue, which Voight had no way of knowing about.

I immediately dart after him, not wasting any time trying to find out exactly what's going on. As soon as I round the last corner, I stop dead in my tracks.

_What the hell…_

Will, who I'm sure I've seen walk by me no more than ten minutes ago, is now very much lacking in consciousness. Which he definitely wasn't last time I saw him. He seems to be completely knocked out, sprawled all over the floor, resting in a nice bright red puddle, which is steadily forming underneath his shoulder. A gun, which might have been the cause of the bleeding, is laying a couple of feet away from him, making me wonder exactly what went on in here.

Jay on the other hand, who was probably pretending to be passed out the last time I saw him, is now very much awake. And also very occupied with freaking out, but to be honest, he has a pretty good reason for it.

First of all, his brother, who he's incredibly protective of (Dare hurt a hair on his head and you're gonna end up dead in an alley or at the very least so badly off, you're gonna _wish_ you were dead.), is clearly _not_ okay. And second of all, a mysterious person, who I'm guessing isn't Jay's friend, happens to be standing right behind him, but the part that makes this whole thing so concerning, is the cable, wrapped around Jay's neck, gradually squeezing the life out of him. Which means Jay's also clearly not okay.

The gun, that I saw Vought draw only seconds ago, is now pointed at the mysterious man, which would've been useful, if the man wasn't using Jay as his human shield.

"It's over, Garcia. Drop him!"

Voight's words seem to have a countereffect, if the way Jay's now desperately clawing at his chest and the newly gained blue tint to his lips are anything to go by. He's probably seconds away from passing out.

The thing that makes my heart clench the most are his eyes. They should be scared for himself, darting all over the place, begging for someone to help him. Instead, they're locked on the motionless figure on the floor.

How do we keep getting into situations like this? Seriously…

"I want justice, Voight!" the person, whose name must be Garcia, yells, tightening the hold on Jay's neck even more.

Oh man, if he keeps going, he's literally gonna crush Jay's trachea. We need to get Jay out of there.

And Will…

"Drop him or I swear to god, you're not getting out of here alive!" Voight yells again, achieving absolutely nothing, just like the previous time. "Or at least let him breathe, so we can talk."

"You' re getting what you deserve. You suffocated him with a cable. Remember that? So now you get to watch your detective die the same exact way."

I can tell Jay's now taking very slow blinks, which means he's probably hanging on by a thread, making me want to grab the oxygen mask and strap it onto his face right this second. Which I obviously can't do. His poor lungs have been through so much this week... This is insane. His hands suddenly stop clawing and drop, hanging limply on either side of his body.

"Drop him!" Voight screams one last time.

This time, Garcia does drop him. His hand releases its tight grip on the chord, allowing Jay to blink exactly once, before his knees turn into jello.

Thanks to a shove from Garcia, he goes flying towards all of the machines next to his bed, and since his muscle tonus is somewhere around zero, he ends up slamming his already damaged neck, which is inconveniently still wrapped tightly with the cord, against the sharpest edge of the heart monitor, which is to this point still wailing at us, alerting us of the fact, that so many things are so very wrong.

_Nope, still not the end..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This is where you catch up to me :)
> 
> All of the previous chapters were prewritten (and posted on FanFiction), which is the only reason why they were posted this fast. Sadly, I don't have the ability to write that fast XD And I go to college, which takes up waaay more time than I would want it to.
> 
> The next chapter will be the last part of Almost Like A Walk On The Beach. It's currently in the making and should (hopefully) be posted within the next few days. As for after that, you are more than welcome to send me prompts :) I've received quite a few prompts that I haven't managed to write yet, but I try my best to include as many as I can into each one of my stories. (I've been asked to write a chapter about Will getting hurt and Jay being the one "suffering emotionally" quite a few times, so that's what's coming your way next.)
> 
> I hope you're enjoying these stories so far (reviews and comments are always more than welcome and greatly appreciated). Till next time :)
> 
> Love, N
> 
> PS: You may have noticed that I love cliffhangers... I may or may not be a little bit of an adrenaline junkie XD (I apologise in advance for torturing those of you who hate them.)


	29. Almost Like A Walk On The Beach - part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii :)
> 
> This is probably the last time the chapter notes are going to be different from the ones I post on FanFiction. If you've read this story on there boefore, you know I'm the queen of impossibly long notes, which normally consist of my ranting about my life. I didn't post the notes on here, because it wouldn't make sense, since 3 years have passed since some of them... but I just thought I should give you the heads up for next time XD
> 
> I also normally thank all of you for reading my story, so: thank you to the 1111 who've clicked on the story (Can I freak out over the fact that this chapter has 11 111 words and 1111 hits?), thank you to the 31 of you who left me kudos and a special thank you to those of you who left me reviews. I normally respond to every single review in my notes (yes, I mean every single one), but since AO3 offers the option to actually reply to the comments, I'm just gonna use that for now and respond to each one of you right after I post this chapter. (I have no clue whether the responses will be public or private, because I'm new to this... so I guess, we'll see XD)
> 
> I think that's all I wanted to say, so... Oh, wait, no. I should probably mention that the notes at the end of the chapter are the same as on FanFiction. Just in case anything written in them doesn't make sense... XD
> 
> Shall we finally begin? (*finds cat, sets it on the lap, cracks knuckles, sips tea, begins writing with a bit of an evil laugh)

**Rhodes's P.O.V.**

The second Jay goes flying towards the machines next to his bed, a ridiculously loud set of bangs erupts from somewhere to my right.

The mysterious not-friendly guy hits the ground only moments after Jay does, which has Voight running towards him immediately, most likely to ensure that he is in fact as dead as a person can get. I on the other hand, yell for help and take a second to debate which Halstead to run to first.

Will is closer to where I'm standing than Jay is, but the blue tint of Jay's lips and the sound of Voight yelling something in the line of 'get that cord off of him' makes the decision fairly easy. Someone else is gonna have to deal with the bloody puddle underneath Will.

As soon as I drop down next to Jay and successfully unwrap the cord from his neck, I can tell that his breathing sounds _way_ off. As in very, very wrong. Which can only mean that the cord did in fact do some damage to his trachea. Great.

In that exact moment Choi and a couple of nurses come to the rescue, running through the glass door, each one of them with their own version of a perplexed expression plastered on their face.

"Will" I nod over to my unconscious colleague, hoping Choi gets the message and helps him. I, on the other hand, focus on the small bump that's already starting to form on the side of Jay's head.

"How can I help?" Voight, who's suddenly crouching next to me, asks while putting one of his hands on Jay's shoulder.

"Is he dead?" I ask, referring to the non-friendly person, silently hoping that the answer is yes. After getting a small nod from Voight, I move over, so that I'm kneeling above Jay's head. "Good. Let's roll him on his back" I instruct. "I got his neck."

Once we have him lying on his back, I get a magnificent view of exactly how bruised his neck already is and the awful shade of blue his lips have taken on.

"Jay! Can you hear me, buddy? Come on, Jay, wake up" I yell, rubbing his sternum, hoping that'll wake him up. Although, as his friend, I'm not entirely sure I want him awake for what's likely about to happen in the near future.

On my second try, I'm awarded with some cursing from Voight and a bit of kicking from Jay, but that's more or less it. Hastily, I pull his eyelids open one by one, and am immediately greeted by completely fixed pupils. Hypoxia's already setting in.

"I need an oxygen mask" I say to no one in specific, glancing up at Jay's heart monitor, only now realising that he's not actually connected to it anymore. Pressing my fingers to his neck, I count his pulse, while April quickly grabs an oxygen mask and hands it to me. (Don't ask me when she got here, because I quite frankly don't know.) She quickly connects Jay back to the heart monitor, while I carefully pull Jay's chin up and put the mask over his face, counting each one of his wheezes. They're way too slow and forced. Damn it.

Well, on the bright side, at least his heart seems to be doing fine, so we have that going for us.

"Come on, Jay, wake up" I whisper, staring at his motionless face so intensely, I could probably scare off a grizzly bear.

A second later Voight decides to join in and add his own encouraging words to my let's-annoy-Jay-so-he-wakes-up party.

The extra oxygen provided by the mask and our constant nudging must do the trick, because only moments later, Jay's eyelids flutter, before a pair of familiar blue irises greets the land of the living again.

**Jay's P.O.V.**

I'm pretty sure the last thing I remember is sleeping. Well, talking to Will and then sleeping. However, I don't particularly remember falling asleep with a headache, so… this is a little strange.

A beginning of a horrific migraine maybe? Perfect.

Wait, hold up.

Why is it so loud in here? I mean, to be fair, there's often quite a bit of commotion in the ICU, but as far as I know everyone always tries _not_ to be too loud around me, due to the whole PTSD thing... You know? Plus, I _know_ all of these voices. They are the voices of my friends, who are normally extra careful _not_ to give me a reason to panic, and they seem quite rushed right now. Which is _not_ soothing.

Something's off, isn't it?

Now that I think about it, this isn't the normal way people usually wake up either.

When you're sleeping, you're just, you know, _sleeping_. And when you wake up, it's like a snap of a finger. One second you're entirely asleep, and the next thing you know all of your senses are up and functioning for the day. You know what I mean?

Well, unless you're really not a morning person. Then I bet you know that it can take _hours_ for all of your senses to realise they exist and should probably wake up at some point during the day. Which means you are basically some strange version of the walking dead for most of the day, dragging each one of your limbs behind yourself, hoping not to crash into a wall or the corner of your table because your eyes and brain still aren't cooperating very well.

I think all of us 'non-morning people' would agree that this part of our day _sucks_. But. Each one of us basically gets to be a ninja at night. Well, a seriously sleep deprived ninja, who can't fall asleep to save their life, but a ninja, nevertheless. Which is _awesome_. Obviously!

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah! This whole walking dead thing somewhat resembles the way waking up from being unconscious works. Theoretically speaking.

At first, you're most likely completely knocked out, meaning you're not actually aware of the fact that you exist and there's no dreaming either. Just a bunch of nothing in all its glory. The other possibility is that you're actually _not_ deeply unconscious to the point of not knowing you exist. That's the glorious land of the never-ending dreaming, which tends to get rudely interrupted by sounds or pain every once in a while, but that's more or less it for the time being.

Then comes the actual waking up process, which believe it or not takes a while. Like I said, it's a _process_. The first thing that usually comes back are the sounds. Familiar voices or sirens, maybe even the annoying beeping of the heart monitor, like the one I'm hearing right now-

_Oh crap._

Wait, never mind. That's been there ever since they brought me back from the desert, so no need to worry about it. Crisis averted. Right?

What was I saying? Oh yeah, the _second_ thing that comes back is probably pain, obviously depending on the severity of it. If it's horrifically bad, you'll probably figure it out pretty fast. Unless you're: (a) still hyped up by the glorious thing called adrenaline, or (b) already pumped full of drugs. Then you might have a few minutes left to spare, before it kicks in.

Then you're sort of stuck in that in-between world for a while, before your ability to connect the sounds to their meaning finally kicks in, and you can actually hear and understand someone yelling at you to wake up. And then you have to figure out a way to get your eyelids to work, which, again, is a process.

By this point, your other senses still haven't kicked in yet, and you have to wait for them to casually start dropping in at random times, gradually figuring out how to actually work together and make sense to you.

So yeah, my point is that waking up from being unconscious is _very_ different from normal sleeping.

And now that I think about it, it sort of feels a lot like right now.

_Damn it, not again._

Why do I keep getting into situations like this? Were we not in this same exact spot a couple of days ago? This is getting _really_ annoying _really_ fast.

Alright, so I already got the ability to hear back, even though I can't actually figure out what these voices are saying. And I guess you could say I have my ability to think too, although having an in-depth conversation with myself about the process of waking up might count as being delirious, so… I've also _definitely_ discovered pain, so where does that leave me?

Opening my eyes. Alright, here we go. Dear brain, how do I enable the open-eyelids-function?

_Oh, Jesus! That's bright._

Well, maybe a little bit more time in the land of blackness doesn't sound so bad after all…

**Rhodes's P.O.V.**

"Damn it" I curse, watching Jay's body go limp once again.

I can literally _feel_ Voight staring daggers at me, which is more than a little intimidating. But then again, he's almost like a second father to Jay… so I should honestly give him credit for not killing me out of worry yet. Very much appreciated.

"It's okay, Voight. I'm honestly surprised he even woke up at all." Yeah… I can hear the mistake as soon as I say it.

Should I run away to save my life or are we gonna let this one slide?

You know what, he has a gun, so better to be safe than sorry. I flinch and try to make myself vanish just in case he decides to attack…

"God, kid…"

Really? That's it? Seriously? No blackmailing or threats? _Sweet_. I should buy a lottery ticket.

Alright, we're alive. Let's move on.

"I have to keep his neck stabilised in case he injured his spine. April, can you please pass me the C-collar?"

I've noticed Voight keeps glancing over in Will's direction nervously, so as soon as the neck brace is secure around Jay's neck, I allow myself a brief moment to elaborate with Ethan.

"Talk to me, Choi" I say, praying that Will's somehow doing better than his little brother is. You know, apart from the bleeding part.

"Um… the bullet got his shoulder, and he must've hit his head when he fell. Pupils are fixed and dilated, but otherwise he seems to be doing pretty well, considering… How's Jay?"

Alright. _Pretty well, considering_. We can work with that.

"I'm pretty sure the guy crushed his trachea. Not sure about any spinal injury yet, he was moving his legs a bit though, which is good… and he hit his head on the floor too, so I'm guessing he gained himself a concussion on top of everything else."

"Damn it" Choi curses. "Is he conscious?"

"No, not yet. He opened his eyes for a second and passed out again."

I know exactly what's going through Ethan's mind. We both know how jumpy and freaked out Jay's been ever since he was admitted. Well, to be fair, he's _always_ jumpy and hyperalert, especially when he happens to be anywhere near this specific building, but you know what I mean… And we also both know that whenever he _does_ get stuck in the hospital, he feels way less threatened if he's around either Will or Choi. Preferably both. And Will's currently unavailable, which means he _really_ needs Choi.

In that exact moment, Nat comes crashing through the door. Talk about perfect timing... "Will?!" she gasps, before dropping down next to him, taking hold of one of his hands.

"Nat, can you take care of him?" I ask, knowing Will's in capable hands now. (Let's just make a conscious decision to forget about the fact that Nat's basically Will's family and therefore shouldn't be working on him. We're all his family, so…thank you for your understanding.) "I need Choi's help."

"I'll help her" Maggie, who has appeared out of nowhere announces, swapping places with Choi.

"What do you need?" Choi asks as soon as he's next to me, conveniently sitting exactly in between both of the brothers, successfully blocking Jay's view of Will (and vice versa) in case either one of them woke up.

"His airway's stable for now, but we need to check how bad the damage is. Let's do a flexible fiberoptic laryngoscopy." Choi nods in agreement, so I take this as my cue to get up and run for help. "Here, hold his head still while I go get the scope. Jay, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

**Jay's P.O.V.**

The next time I allow myself to open my eyes, two hands are gripping my head, keeping it from moving.

"Jay?" someone says from somewhere _way_ too close to me. Not sure who. Or from where. I just know it's too close and I don't like it. "Can you hear me, buddy?

Nooo. Come on! Now he's rubbing my chest too. Seriously, people. Have you ever heard of personal space?

And it's making me cough now. Great. Thank you! Don't you know coughing hurts?

"He's awake" the person, who I can now successfully identify as Choi, announces. "Jay, if you can hear me, stay still." And then the hands are gripping my head again. What in the world is he doing?

"Can you open your eyes, kiddo?"

What's Voight doing here? Are we gonna have to go through the whole I'm-gonna-pretend-I-can't-remember-anything-so-you-stop-bugging-me thing again? I sure hope not, because I'm way too tired for that. And my head hurts. So I'm double not in the mood. Was that English? Whatever, who cares.

"Come on, buddy, wake up" Choi says again. Listen…. I love you, Choi, but you're annoying. About as annoying as Will, so if you could dial it down a notch, that'd be great.

"Open your eyes, Jay. I know you're mostly conscious."

 _Mostly conscious?_ What do you mean 'mostly conscious'?! I'm perfectly conscious, okay? I just don't wanna look at the world. Or you.

"Alright, have it your way" Choi says. "Want me to go get a needle? That'll wake you up."

What? No, no, no. No need for that. You wanna see the eyes, I'll give you the eyes.

_Oh my God, the stupid lights._

Can we turn the lights on a little more? I don't think they're bright enough.

"Hi" Choi says, with a big smile plastered on his face, which is (like I said) way to close to my face. From my perspective, it kinda looks like I'm the girl of his dreams and he wants to kiss me. Which I'm sure is _not_ what either of us are going for.

"Don't give me that look" he scoffs. "I should be the one giving _you_ the strange look. How is it that you've managed to get yourself hurt in the middle of the ICU? Again. It must be some sort of a talent."

And now I'm choking.

Note to self: next time don't laugh.

"Sorry, bud" he apologises. "Just take some nice and deep breaths. In and out. That's it, you're okay."

"Can you open your eyes again?" Rhodes, who appeared from somewhere, asks. "I know the lights are bugging you, but we need them to work, okay?"

Alright, alright, fine.

"Good job, Jay. Can you squeeze Voight's hand?"

I can see Voight give both of them a nod when do as requested, never breaking eye contact with me.

He looks worried.

"Great. How about your toes? Can you wiggle them?" Again, I do. Aren't I being a good patient today? I deserve a prize. "Perfect. That's really good, Jay."

Rhodes glances at something behind him, before mouthing something to Choi, who nods. I'm sorry but the way he's lying above my head, resting on his elbows is still really distracting to me. May I ask what the reasoning behind this is?

"Blink once for yes, twice for no, okay?" Choi says. "Is your head hurting?"

Can I lie?

"That's a yes then. Don't bother lying to me, Jay. Won't get us anywhere. And just a friendly reminder that your boss is here."

Well that was low. He knows I respect Voight too much to lie to him. Well, most of the time…

"Is it an I'm-about-to-die headache or no?"

No.

"Good, Jay, that's really good." I am starting to get a little woozy though… "Does it hurt to breathe?"

Definitely yes.

"Okay, on a scale of one to ten, is it worse than an eight?"

Well-

"Blink, Jay, don't talk" he warns, as soon as I open my mouth to respond.

Yes.

"Okay, Jay, listen to me. Your throat is a little swollen, so I'm gonna put a small scope through your nose and into your throat to take a quick look, okay?"

Hold up, what?!

"It's gonna get a little harder to breathe for a minute, okay? There's no need to panic though, I got you" Choi says, before removing the oxygen mask from my face. He was right. It _does_ get even harder to breathe the second the mask is gone.

Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.

Everyone's here. No need to worry.

Don't. Just don't.

I feel like something's missing though…

"I need you to keep super still, alright? No moving" he says, interrupting my thoughts just as Connor places his hands on either side of my head, where Choi's had been only seconds ago, and Voight leans over me, grabbing hold of both of my biceps simultaneously. I don't like this very much.

"This is the numbing spray" Choi announces, holding some sort of a spray bottle in front of my face for me to see. "I'm gonna spray it up your nose and in your throat, so the scope won't bother you too much, okay?"

He waits for me to blink an approval, before spraying the cold thing all the way up to my brain. Okay, this wasn't so bad.

"Now the throat. Open your mouth."

Another spritz. Oh. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. The effect of that disgusting tasting evil thing is instant. I can't swallow. Oh, god, I'm gonna choke.

Alright, time to panic.

"No, no, no, calm down. I know it feels weird, but you can breathe, I promise." Choi says, clearly very aware of my thought process.

A hand squeezes mine and looking down I can see it belongs to April. "It's okay, Jay. You're gonna be okay."

Choi produces an unpleasant-looking black tube from somewhere. "Ready?" he asks, waiting for me to give him the go ahead. "It'll only take a minute."

I mean… it's not the worst thing I've ever experienced, but… The numbing spray may have been really effective, but sadly this scope thing is still making me gag.

"You're doing really well, Jay" Rhodes says, glancing up at Choi's face. "Just try to relax, it'll make it easier."

Easier said than done.

"I'm almost done, Jay. Just a quick look around now and-"

All of a sudden there's _a lot_ of commotion going on somewhere in my room. I scrunch up my face, looking around as much as I can, trying to figure out why everyone's freaking out, but apparently, I'm not the one making a scene. Choi's not freaking out, April's not freaking out, Voight's not freaking out (although he is glancing somewhere behind him), and Rhodes isn't freaking out either- Actually never mind, I just saw fear cross his face for a moment there.

I can hear people yelling at someone to stop doing something.

What could possibly be going on? There's no way all this noise is coming from the hallway or another room. It's way too loud.

"Where is he?! Where's Jay?!"

_Will?!_

**Choi's P.O.V.**

Of course he picks this exact moment to wake up.

I mean, this is just perfect. There's a scope halfway down Jays throat, which is already injured enough as it is, and I can tell that Jay's already picked up on what's going on.

"Where is he?!" Will yells on top of his lungs again, making Jay tense up underneath out hands.

"Everything's fine, Jay. Please, just give me 30 more seconds and we're done" I beg, though a part of me knows, I'm not gonna achieve anything. He knows and there's nothing I can do about it.

"Jay?! Is that him?! Let go of me! Let me see him!"

I can tell Jay's panicking now too.

"Get off of me!"

Oh God. Will's yelling his head off now and causing Jay, who was surprisingly compliant up till now, to freak out. This could go downhill for both of them really fast, if we don't get them to calm down. Having either one of them uninjured right now, would've been really handy…

It's a good thing the lack of oxygen is taking a toll on Jay's strength, otherwise half of us would've been supporting black eyes if not broken bones by now. Sadly, he still has enough power in him to hurt himself though. And a possible head injury, making anything we say impossible to understand.

Apparently, Connor is the first one of us to lose his temper, because a second later he's screaming at Will to stay down. Voight's trying to get Jay to look at him, whereas I'm just trying to get my job done as fast as I can, so I can hopefully allow Jay to have his moment of insanity in peace.

"What are you doing to him?!" Will's basically growling at us by now, sitting straight up and doing a very good job of trying to wiggle himself out of the nurses' grip.

"Will! Stay. Down." Rhodes warns him again, achieving absolutely nothing.

"Damn it, I can't see anything" I curse, telling Voight to make sure Jay can't move, so I can get this done and over with. I know this isn't the best way to do this, but I can tell Jay isn't paying any attention to me anymore, so I guess we're just gonna have to manhandle our way through this and hope for the best.

I mean, I could try talking to Jay, to see if I can talk some sense into him for about ten more seconds… Oh, who am I kidding, he's not gonna listen to me. Protective instincts have taken control. There's nothing we can do.

"It's okay, let him go" I yell, without as much as a glance away from Jay's face. This is going nowhere, so Will might as well try to help. If Jay calms down, maybe he will too.

A second later, Will's crawling his way towards Jay's head, leaving a bloody trail behind him.

"Jay" he gasps out as soon as he reaches us, giving Jay a sudden burst of energy. One of his hands shoots up, headed into the unknown, but probably aiming for any part of Will's body. It lands on Will's shirt (which I only now notice is cut into half), scrunching it up in a fist as if he refuses to ever let it go again. Will catches on pretty fasts and puts his hands over Jay's, squeezing back.

"It's okay, I'm here" he whispers, both of their eyes crazy with worry for one another.

Everything apart from Jay's heart monitor, which is screeching, goes dead quiet for a few seconds, as if the whole world has gone still, letting everything sink in and allowing the brothers to have their reunion.

"Are you okay now, Jay? Can I go on?" I ask, shooting Will a glare saying 'I saved you from the death grips, so you better help me keep your brother calm so I can help him'. Or, you know, something in the line of that.

Jay keeps blinking up at Will, but he seems to be calming down, so I decide not to wait for his response.

"There's some significant damage to the mucosa and his cartilage" I announce, finally pulling the scope out and sharing a look with Rhodes. "Let's intubate."

"Wait. Shouldn't we get a CT scan first? We could damage his larynx even more" Rhodes warns, not entirely happy with my plan.

"I know, but we need to secure an airway as soon as possible. His throat is already swelling up. There's no time for a tracheostomy."

He nods over to April, who's already reaching for an ET tube.

I'm starting to think Will can't quite hear any of this, otherwise he would've said something by now. Instead, he's staring in his brother's eyes, rambling comforting words, finally giving Jay exactly what he needs – his brother.

"Jay, listen to me" I say as gently as I can, giving Jay's shoulder a squeeze. "You're doing great. I need you to stay calm and focus on your breathing, okay? Your throat's damaged, so I'm gonna intubate you. I'll use a scope just like the one before."

"Aren't you gonna knock him out?!" Voight hisses quietly, probably trying not to freak Jay out, but knowing this isn't going to be very pleasant for him either.

"I can't. His larynx could collapse completely" I say, apologetically.

"Alright Jay, the scope goes through your mouth this time" I say, spraying another dose of the numbing spray in his throat before doing anything.

Halfway through the process, Will's soothing words don't seem to be doing the trick anymore, because Jay starts squirming around, trying his best to get away from me or at least get me to stop.

It's breaking my heart, but I know it's only gonna get worse if I stop. So I don't. I try to block out the tears in his eyes, until it's finally over.

"Alright, I'm in" I announce victoriously, connecting the ET tube to an ambu bag and carefully squeezing it in sync with Jay's wheezes.

"Push 200 mg of Ketamine and 10 mg of Propofol" Rhodes requests immediately, probably wanting to knock Jay out as soon as we possibly can. Endotracheal tubes aren't pleasant for anyone, let alone someone with an injured trachea… it couldn't be done fast enough. "Let's also get an arterial gas reading and then let's get him to a CT and then the OR."

As soon as the meds are in, Jay's eyelids flutter closed, making Will tense up again. Time to take care of the other brother.

"It's okay, Will, he's fine." I say, gently pealing his fingers off of Jay's. "Go with Nat."

"No, I need to be with him" he argues, trying to bat my hands off.

"Will, go" I warn. "I'll take care of him. I promise."

To my surprise, Voight's the one who steps in, dragging a kicking and screaming Will to his feet.

"No! Don't touch me! I need to be with him! I have to help!"

Voight manages to pull him a few feet away, before Will's screams turn into barely understandable slurs.

"Will?" I ask, noticing the white sheen on his skin, before his eyes roll back and he collapses.

_Oh come on, not you too._

**Rhodes's P.O.V.**

I _might_ quit my job after today.

I can deal with scared patients. I can deal with crazy patients. I can deal with annoying patients. I can deal with scared, crazy _and_ annoying relatives. I can even deal with missing limbs or a ticking bomb in my hands. I can deal with a lot of things. Two injured Halsteads at the same time though… absolutely not.

I've been taking the longest time getting from recovery to the waiting room. No, not because I'm extremely tired (which I am) and couldn't possibly walk faster (which I could). Simply because I know that I'm gonna get eaten alive by team Jay and team Will the second I walk through those doors.

I could use a pep talk right now.

No? No one's available? Okay then, I guess I'll just give one to myself. _Alright, Connor, you can do this! May the odds be ever in your favour._

Okay… good talk.

Here we go.

"Hi, guys-" aaand it's only been about 2.5 seconds and everyone's already yelling. I wonder how long it's gonna take them to realise, I can't actually answer any of their questions unless I can hear them. No worries though, I have time.

It takes them about a minute to stop. Or at least dial it down a little bit. "Are you gonna let me talk now?" I say, unable to help but laugh at their worried/horrified/angry expressions.

"They're gonna be okay. Both of them." Cue the exhales and cheers. Now _that_ is a sound I like to hear. Let me give myself a pat on the back. "Who should I start with?"

Right, another stupid question… Cue the _second_ course of yelling over each other.

"Alright, alright stop" I say, sending an apologetic look to my colleagues. Since they're the medical personnel they _might_ be a little tiny bit more patient then the particular group of detectives standing dangerously close to my face (giving me the death stare in case you were wondering). Plus, they've probably snooped out at least some information from the nurses by now, so…

"Jay first. As you know, the guy" I restrain myself from adding _who shall not be named_ "crushed his trachea, which is why Jay was having trouble breathing before. The CT scan showed significant damage to the cartilage and mucosa in his trachea, which is why we needed to go in surgically to repair the damage. We thought we were going to have to put in a stent to help support his larynx, but we-"

"A what? You lost me" Adam interrupts me, probably voicing everyone else's thoughts if their confused looks are anything to go by.

"A stent is a piece of silicone, which would help hold everything in place until it healed." I receive a few nods, so I continue. "Anyway, the damage was actually less severe than we first thought, so we decided against using the stent."

"Okay… I'm guessing that's a good thing" Antonio pitches in. "So that means it's fixed?"

"Well, we did manage to put everything back together surgically, but Jay's throat's extremely swollen and still needs the support, which is why he's intubated." Cue the classic round of curses. "The tube should stay in for about two to three weeks and even after that he's gonna have to take it easy for a while."

"Huh" Al huffs "good luck with that."

Trust me, Al, I know.

"His sats were a little low, so we put him on humidified oxygen, which should help reduce the crust formation too. And we're keeping him on a broad spectrum of antibiotics to avoid any infections. He also has a neck brace on to take pressure of his airway, which, and I can't stress this enough, he _cannot_ take off for at least a week or two, got it? Under no circumstance." Antonio opens his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it. "I know, I know, he's not a fan of neck braces, but we're keeping him sedated for at least a few days, to keep him comfortable, so it shouldn't bother him too much. As for when we wake him up… well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

The room is silent for a few moments before Voight speaks up. "His head?"

Now that's the part that gets a little tricky… We all know Jay can't stay in a hospital bed for more than a day to save his life (unless he's either knocked out halfway dead). Well, to be honest, even getting him _into_ a hospital bed is a process to begin with.

Now, Jay with a head injury… is a whole nother story. Jay with a head injury will not listen to _anything_ you say, and you will not be able to keep him still no matter what you do.

"We can't say for sure… at least not until we wake him up. The CT scan showed a little swelling, but there's no other injury as far as we can tell." This time it's Kevin's time to open his mouth to try and say something. "And, before you ask, no, he's not alone. Choi's been with him the whole time, so don't worry."

The next slightly uncomfortable pause is interrupted by Natalie whispering the name of the other brother.

"Well, as you know, the bullet hit his shoulder. It was a through and through, but it hit the artery. That's why it was bleeding so much. We repaired all the damage in surgery, and with a bit of physical therapy we expect him to regain full mobility and function back."

I notice every member of team Will is either looking at their feet or trying to avoid my look at all cost, which can only mean that they already know this was the good part of the update. Team Jay on the other hand, is so far pretty clueless.

"His head though… is a bit more of a concern. The CT scan showed quite a bit of swelling, so we put in an ICP monitor to keep an eye on it. If the swelling doesn't go down in the next 24 hours or if it increases…" Am I really too choked up about this to even say it? For God's sake, Connor, it's surgery, not a death sentence. "Well, we're not there yet. We're just gonna have to keep a close eye on him."

Now's the time for the whole police department to stare at me as if they'd just seen a ghost.

"Is he on a vent?" Nat whispers, trying to wipe the tears of her cheeks without anyone noticing. Poor Nat…

"Yes. We're keeping him in an induced coma for a couple of days, to see how it goes. We'll know more after the first 24 hours and go from there."

"Okay."

The end of my report is met with deafening silence. Time for me to give a pep talk. Again.

"I know it's a lot to take in… Given the circumstances, it could've been a lot worse. I won't say the next few weeks are gonna be easy, but we'll just have to take it one day at a time and just _be_ there for them. Especially since these two are each other's best support system, and well…"

The 'they are currently one more broken than the other' goes unsaid.

"Like I said, neither of them is gonna be awake for a while, but we thought it would be best to keep them in the same room for when they _do_ wake up. At least until they drive each other crazy." That comment earns me a couple of laughs. "And try not to be intimidated by all of the equipment… it's all there to help them."

I can sense that everyone's getting impatient, so I decide to wrap it up for the night and finally let everyone see them. Well, maybe not _everyone_ …

"Since they're both in the same room, only two of you can go in…"

Oh my. We are officially yelling for the third time. I swear to you, it looks like World War III just erupted in the middle of Chicago Med.

_Alright, I survived, so that's my cue to leave… I still might quit my job though._

**Will's P.O.V.**

It turns out that my brain _didn't_ turn into a smoothie, which is good. And neither did Jay's, which is also good.

I've been told that both of us decided to give everyone quite a scare that day, not that I actually remember any of it. The last thing I remember is looking into my brother's furious eyes from the comfort of a chokehold, and then a whole bunch of nothing until about a week ago, when my body decided to return to the land of the living.

I was later told that it had already been 10 days since the incident, but I spent most of those days ignoring everybody. Including myself.

There was a brief moment of lucidity, caused by a certain freak out episode from my brother, who was at that time somewhere in the process of waking up from his own drug induced sleep. Apparently, he was not a fan of either the neck brace or the ET tube. Probably both. I know, shocker.

At that time, I was still deeply unconscious, but the sound of my brother choking, and his heart racing brought me back just enough for me to get all worked up as well. Hence receiving another dose of sedation, followed by 4 more days of sleeping. That was a week ago.

Leave it to the Halstead brothers to cause a scene. I'm sorry, that's just what we do.

And so, here we are.

Weeks after saving Jay for the first time, only to have to save him all over again, me (of course) deciding to have my own five minutes of glory and joining him somewhere in the process.

Due to my beauty sleep, I missed most of what I've been told were the worst three weeks of Jay's life. He spent the first week of it asleep, just like me, but the other two weeks were a constant battle between gagging, feeling the urge to cough, not actually being able to cough, getting out of sync with the vent, spiralling down into the depths of a panic attack, not being able to calm down, and so on. And then he would repeat the whole process. Over and over again.

I feel bad for not being there for him. Or, actually, I _felt_ bad. Past tense. Until about 2 hours after I woke up. And then he started annoying me, so now, I've been trying really hard to keep myself from strangling him. I should probably give his throat a bit of time to recover before I do, right? Yeah, I thought so.

I'm really enjoying myself at the moment, because Jay's currently in surgery, which means alone time for me. Thank goodness. He's finally getting the ET tube removed. Hopefully. Extubation doesn't normally require surgery, but Choi wanted to take a look at Jay's trachea again, before actually taking the tube out, just in case it hasn't healed enough yet… Hopefully he can take that thing out, so Jay can stop being so miserable all the time. And so I don't have to keep trying to decode what his flailing hands mean every time he tries to tell me something. Everyone else didn't seem to have such a hard time, but for some odd reason, Jay only wanted to talk to me, and given the fact, that both of us have very short tempers… trust me, it was annoying.

Let's just enjoy the peace and quiet before Mr. Loud returns-

Are you freaking kidding me? Please tell me that's not Choi I can hear, walking down the hallway. Come on, he literally came to get Jay like an hour ago.

"Look who's baaack" April sings, pushing Jay's bed through the doorway.

I allow myself a brief concerned brother moment and give him a once over. He looks about the same as when they took him away – except for the tube. His bed is elevated at a 45 degree angle and the tube was swapped for an oxygen mask. His eyes look a bit drugged, but other than that, he's unharmed. Oh and the neck brace is gone too. Thank god, no need for him to be cranky anymore.

"He did great, didn't you?" April says, carefully getting Jay settled in, before turning the lights down a bit. "We gave him a little more medicine to help him sleep… You should try and get some rest too."

And then it's just the three of us. Me, Jay and the sound of Jay's snores. Great.

Two hours later only two of us are left. Can you guess which two?

No, I haven't strangled Jay yet, but I might. Very soon. I was woken up by something hitting me in the face about 15 minutes ago.

I decided to ignore it.

And then another object came flying, hitting me in the chest.

And I ignored it.

And then another one came flying. And another. And another. And now I'm really, really, really close to losing my mind and killing whoever left that many objects within my brother's reach. Have we not learned yet that he's like a child whenever he wakes up from anaesthesia?

"For God's sake, will you _stop_ throwing things at me?!" I finally yell as another object hits me in the face. This time it was tissue. Not sure where he even got one, but that's what it was. A scrunched up _wet_ tissue.

You have to give me points for putting up with him for this long…

"Quit it!"

That was a straw. Which I'm sure Jay has licked sometime in the last two hours. Awsome.

Can you guess what comes flying right after the straw? A cup! And yes, it still has a bit of water in it! Well, it doesn't anymore, because now the water is spilled all over my face. But you get the point.

"For the love of God, Jay, if you don't stop it right now, I'm gonna get up and walk over there just so I can strangle you myself."

And then another object comes flying.

Come on, we didn't seriously think he was gonna stop, did we? I mean, he's Jay…

"Stoooop" I whine at the same exact time as Choi walks through the door. "Yes! My saviour!" I yell, startling Ethan and making him stop dead in his place. "He keeps throwing things at meeeee."

Is he laughing? Oh my God, he's laughing at me! This is not funny. It's not.

"How are you feeling, Jay?" he asks, stepping close to my brother, carefully examining his neck. I should really use this time to zone out and enjoy the no flying zone… but my brotherly instincts are telling me to pay attention to how Jay's doing. So, naturally, I do. Because I'm the good brother.

"Everything seems to be doing well, Jay. That's great" Choi says, adjusting one of Jay's IVs. "Do you need anything?"

Jay carefully shakes his head and gives Choi one of his angel smiles. That little brat… and I wonder why nobody believes me when I tell them how annoying he is…

"Now remember, Jay. You're on voice rest, which means _no talking_." Choi says, making sure to exaggerate the last two words as much as possible. "Got it?" Jay's mouth is already open as if he's about to say something. "Hush. You can use the tablet if you wanna say something, okay?"

Another innocent smile. I'm gonna put an end to this.

"Hey, Choi, have you had a chance to grant my wish..." I say, trailing off. I've asked to be put in a different room yesterday, because I couldn't take it anymore. "Choi" I deadpan when he doesn't answer me.

Is he really ignoring me? Oh my God, it's a sabotage. They've planned this. They're trying to get rid of me, by making me go crazy. This is insanity!

"Alright, Jay, I'm gonna be back to check on you in a few hours" Choi says, getting ready to leave. "As for you, Will, enjoy your stay and… _that_ " he says with an evil grin, making a circling motion in Jay's direction. He's already halfway through the door, when he turns around and mouths _good luck_ to me.

If only looks could kill…

Okay, Will, just close your eyes and take some deep breaths. He'll fall asleep eventually and you'll be able to-

"Wi- ll" he rasps out, tipping my patience over the edge.

"Argh! What, Jay?! What?! Ethan literally left two seconds ago, so what could you possibly want?" I glare at him, trying my best to demonstrate exactly how annoyed I am.

He gives me the most ridiculous grin I've ever seen in my life, before responding. "Pop- s- cle."

Is he kidding me?

He _has_ to be kidding me.

I could scream right now. I really could. _Annoying little brother causes the death of one of Chicago's finest doctors_. I can already see the headline, can't you? What…? Stop judging me. It could happen…

Alright, Will, let's take a deep breath. Injured miserable little brother needs consulting.

"Your throat hurts?" I ask in the nicest way possible as if I were talking to a five-year-old girl… or, you know, my adult brother.

He makes the cutest pouting face that would break anyone's heart (let alone mine) and nods. It's a good thing I'm eternally annoyed with him, otherwise he would've won me over in a second. "Well then _stop talking_!"

Oh God, now he's giving me the puppy dog eyes. Come on! In what universe is this fair?!

You know what, he can do that all he wants, but I'm a Halstead, which means I'm just as stubborn as he is. I'll never cave!

"Don't you dare give me that look…" Do you see why I'm comparing him to a five-year-old girl now? "And _no_ , I am _not_ getting you a popsicle this time. They're cursed."

_The end. (For real this time.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did we do it? I think we did! Pat on the back to all of us for making it through this.
> 
> Well, as much as I enjoyed pretending that there was a desert right next to Chicago, all things must come to an end. The way I keep getting carried away whenever I write these chapters is so fascinating to me. I never plan ahead. I just have the general idea, sit down (or more likely daydream about it in school) and write. Whatever happens, happens XD In this case, I wanted to write something about heat stroke, so I was going to have the team go to some sort of a fundraiser, where Jay would totally overdo it and eventually lose the battle against the Sun. And look where we are now XD No sign of a fundraiser anywhere! Oh well… I hope you liked the ending and the fact there was no cliff-hanger this time. I know some of you don't particularly love them, so maybe I'll try to ease off of them a little bit :) I have to warn you though. I'm a horrible adrenaline junkie, who may or may not be sort of addicted to them (which I'm sure you've noticed), so, sit back, relax and watch me break my promise in the next chapter XD
> 
> As usual, I would really appreciate your reviews (as does everybody else, but still). I'd say I hope it was worth the wait, but this long brake was way too embarrassing, so I'm just not gonna say that. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> This year has been quite a lot, and judging by the people I love and myself, it's taking a toll on some of us. Or at least adding to the equation of stress. There are definitely times, when I feel like there's no one I could talk to, so if any of you are ever having a hard time about literally anything and need someone to talk to (or are having a wonderful time and just feel like talking), please don't hesitate to message me. You're not alone 3 Even if I don't really know you, I do care about you.
> 
> Stay safe and healthy, and remember – the world's still turning, the elections are finally over (for those of you who are from the states), we're not extinct yet, so… we're doing quite decent. It's not easy, but it could be worse, right? Be smart, try to be as safe as you can be and don't lose your mind over the stupidity of others. We got this!
> 
> Love, N
> 
> PS: (TINY SPOILER ALERT) I sort of hinted that I had a surprise coming, and some of you guessed it :) You've been asking for an injured Will story for a while now, and I promised I'd write it, so that's what the next chapter's gonna be. I know I already accidentally hurt him in this story, but the next story's mainly gonna focus on Will being the one halfway dead. (Dear Jay, I apologise in advance for what I'm about to do to you emotionally. Sorry not sorry XD) I've had some of it written for months and I am SOOO freaking excited for what I've come up with! Can you tell? XD I had to finish writing this story first, so everything kind of got postponed… believe it or not, that means that it might not me take forever to post it. Well… actually, never mind. The next few months of school are probably going to be horrific, and I suck at posting regularly, so I'm not making any promises, except that I'll try my best. (When I say I have some of it written I literally mean like a thousand words or something like that, so… we still have ways to go.) Let's hope that the Sun still exists by the time I finish XD
> 
> PS2: Just a little medical disclaimer – the treatment of Jay's neck injury is medically inaccurate. (Not that all of the other things I write are totally accurate, but still. Normally, I try to be at least somewhat accurate, but in this case, I can assure you the treatment is at least partially wrong, because I purposely wrote it that way.). I did quite a bit of research on neck injuries (meaning, I'd probably look really suspicious if someone saw my google search history XD) and I found that patients, who can't protect their airway because of any sort of (drastic) neck injuries, should never be intubated by an ET tube (the one that goes through their mouth), because that could actually injure them even more. Instead, doctors usually perform a tracheostomy (the breathing tube that goes directly through the patient's neck), which is apparently much safer, and they usually need to use a stent to help fix everything. Then again, I could obviously be very wrong, because clearly google isn't perfect XD For some odd reason, I didn't feel like including that… (It hit a bit too close to home right now, because my cousin had to have a tracheostomy, and yeah… I didn't quite feel like writing about it too.) Anyway, I just thought I should mention it… so if anyone's looking for accurate medical procedures, that was not it. (To be fair though, this whole website in general shouldn't be your source of information for those sorts of things.) And I apologise to those of you who are actual professionals in the medical field if the incorrect treatment annoyed you.


End file.
